Hey, everyone.
So, if you've been around the interwebs and you're interested in MBTI but more specifically INTJs, it's likely you've come across the site INTJ Vision. Typically, they have some very nice articles and I don't find myself disagreeing with them, but while reading their article "Top 10 Qualities INTJ Men Look For In Women," there were some things that struck me as off or odd, and there were some things I did disagree with. So, I'm going to write this blog post in response to theirs. Now, it is important to note that they did slap a big disclaimer across the top of theirs saying things like "the list below is based on opinion, and may vary from one INTJ to another," so my post will be in confirmation or refutation of what they said and prove that their piece was indeed an opinion piece. Let's crack on.
1. Intelligent
INTJ Vision gets it correct here. INTJs will want an intelligent woman; not one with a super high IQ, but a woman who is smart enough to understand certain concepts and contribute to a conversation. For instance: I wouldn't expect a lot of women to be familiar with String Theory or M-Theory, but after a short explanation, it would be my hope that a woman could see the potential applications and revelations of such theories. Where INTJ Vision goes off however, is where they say "intelligence is sexy." I am, and probably always will, postulate that intelligence isn't sexy! True, the lack of intelligence is a turn-off because it slows me down while I'm pitching woo, but I've never met a woman who I thought was smart and then started nursing a chubby just because she was smart. No, my penis doesn't work that way.
2. Independent, 2a. Self-Confident, 2b. Individual
Here's one of those places on the list where INTJ Vision loses the plot. See, for their number two, they have "Independent and Self-Confident," but instead of talking about how important it is that a woman be independent and self-confident, they talk about how important it is for women to understand that INTJ men need independence while seemingly giving self-confidence a miss. But then later, at their number five where they list "Individual," here they talk about how important it is that a woman be herself and not molded by others or be a sheep which then means I have to straighten out their mess.
So, what's the answer here? Well, yes, INTJ Vision is correct; INTJ men need their independence and therefore it would behoove a woman to also be independent rather than codependent. I once knew a girl who was codependent and it drove me up the wall with how much she would come to me with her problems. And yes, a woman who wishes to date an INTJ will need to be confident--INTJs hate cowardice and don't put up with spinelessness. Also, it is important that a woman be herself and have her own beliefs. By that I mean, it's perfectly acceptable for you to believe what someone else does, just make sure you hold that belief because you hold that belief and not because you were told that's what you're supposed to believe. All three traits go into having a strong character and not being weak; INTJs don't put up with weakness and especially despise it in themselves, so they're not going to put up with it where you're involved.
3. Open-Minded
Oh, boy. Open-mindedness. Now, INTJ Vision does use open-minded in its correct context, but there are many out there who don't. For instance, you can be "closed-minded" just because you don't want to try sushi or because you don't support gay marriage. It doesn't matter if you've already tried sushi and decided you don't like it, or if you actually have good reasons for not supporting gay marriage, by dint of the fact that you're not "apart of the crowd" will earn you the critique of "closed-minded," even if you believe in aliens and Bigfoot, and the crowd doesn't. Ergo, I'm always on edge and sometimes straight up averse to the designation of being "open-minded" or being labelled a "free thinker." Remember, just because you're a free thinker, that doesn't mean you're smart or right.
Getting back to the point, INTJ Vision is correct when they say a woman should be able to discuss certain topics and trends in hypothetical situations, and it would aid said woman if she sided with an INTJ's non-standard thinking, such as, it is better to be poor and work for your dreams, rather than be well off and work for someone else's; that's a belief that isn't shared by most in the world. I know because most of the world isn't strong enough to take a chance on their dreams. So a woman who can back such an idea, even if it means the INTJ she's dating is 28 years old and still lives with his parents because he's taking a chance on his dreams rather than the world, she will be cherished and loved like no other woman on the face of the planet.
4. Emotionally Stable
Here's a point where INTJ Vision is right, but for the wrong reasons. They say that INTJs don't understand emotions. That's not true; I understand emotions just fine and in fact I feel them quite often. Just the other night I was upset because I was disappointed in someone. Where INTJs come up short is that some people don't feel the right emotions for the right reasons which leads to the idea that INTJs don't understand emotions. No, I can understand that someone is angry or sad, but if it's because someone cut you off or because I just didn't say hello to you, my advice to you is to get your priorities straight; there are bigger things to worry about in life. Yes, it is annoying when people cut you off, but if you're both alive and your sheet metal is still in the same shape as it was when you got on the road, it's fine. As for greetings, if I look you in the eye, that's a sign that I've acknowledged you and you should accept that as a greeting because I don't acknowledge people I don't care for.
Back to the point, emotional stability is extremely important. Most women are Feeling types, that's a fact. And some women fall into the realm of "bitches be crazy." INTJs however have a lot of work to do, and they don't have time for things gumming up the works such as someone acting crazy or someone suffering a case of the "weepies." Sure, there will be times when a couple has to face a problem together, but INTJs can usually control their emotions and they need someone who can too. If you're one of those kinds of women who believes "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," INTJs are not for you.
5. Loyal
This is right on the money. INTJs, for whatever reason, I've never stopped to think about why or how, are extremely loyal. I imagine it's because INTJs keep to themselves so much and keep so much of their lives a secret. As a result, they value those they can trust when they let them inside their world. This isn't to say that INTJs are loyal to a fault; no, if you betray us even once, you lose our loyalty forever. To keep that from happening, just remain loyal to us and there won't be any problems.
6. Humorous
This is one of the points where my first instinct is to say, no, that's wrong. I don't want a humorous girl. But the way INTJ Vision describes it, what they actually mean is that a woman should have a sense of humor and some wit so that she can survive an INTJ's sarcasm. When I think of a humorous person, I think of a comedian or a class clown, someone who is always joking and laughing. No, don't be that person. INTJs may make great comedians themselves, but they're not necessarily looking to date a comedienne--just a woman who can wittily spar and understand when we're joking.
7. Encouraging
This is an interesting one because while I want a woman who is encouraging of me, it's not something I would've called an INTJ specific quality. I think everyone wants an encouraging partner because we're all susceptible to doubt, so once in a while we need someone who can be there for us to tell us to keep going. Now, maybe INTJs want someone encouraging more so than other types just because INTJs are such weird birds in comparison to the rest of the world, hence they need an external push so they don't lose their motivation, but that's only my speculation.
8. Quirky
Again, INTJ Vision doesn't explain why INTJs want a woman who is quirky, but rather a woman who can understand his quirks and be able to explain her own. There's a very big difference between being understanding and being quirky. You can be quirky and not be understanding. But, what does that mean for quirky girls then? Are they not desired by INTJs? Well, that depends on the quirks. If you do something weird and it doesn't harm anyone or it isn't annoying, then it probably isn't a problem, but if it's something that affects an INTJ's efficiency or messes with the method to his madness, it's going to be a problem. And at a time like this, I'm reminded of something my sister said to me which is, "There's no advantage to being weird." So quirks aren't necessarily welcome.
9. Attractive
This is definitely true. If you read my blog from last week, then you'll know that I say anyone who says physical attraction isn't important to INTJs is a filthy liar. Of course physical attraction is important. However, what's interesting is that INTJ Vision goes on to say that an INTJ prefers a woman with little or no make up because too much comes off as shallow. Well, they're definitely right in the first part, however the main reason why I don't like make up is because at best, it smacks of a lie, and at worst, it feels like manipulation; two things which no INTJ will put up with. And INTJ Vision is also right when they say that a woman should not fish for compliments; INTJs are strangely rebellious by nature and if they know what you're after, they may purposely not give it to you. At the best of times it's meant to tease you, but at the worst of times, it's because you don't deserve the compliment either because you don't look good enough for it or you keep fishing for it. But, take heart, some INTJs do know when and how to compliment a woman without it being an issue.
Conclusion
So, that's my response to INTJ Vision. There are definitely times when they are on the money, but there are other times where someone needs to slap their editor upside the head for not slapping the writer upside the head for those times where they lost the plot of the post. I mean, seriously, did the writer of that article even proofread what he wrote?
As for what I think the top ten qualities an INTJ is looking for in a woman, I'm not really sure. I only feel confident in saying that five are true across the board: physically attractive, intelligent, loyal, emotionally stable, and having the ability to think for oneself, whatever that's called. What order might they be in? I don't think they can be put into an order as I think they're all equally important. One quality that I would add for the benefit of myself is creative but that's because I'm a writer and I think I would prosper better with the input of another artist.
Anyway, that's it for this week. What am I doing next week? I don't know yet. I was thinking of either taking a gander at the life experiences that go into creating an INTJ, or I could make another criticism of something on INTJ Vision. So, we'll see.
Keep writing, my friends.
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