Top 10 Qualities INTJ Men Look For In A Woman: A Response to INTJ Vision

Hey, everyone.

So, if you've been around the interwebs and you're interested in MBTI but more specifically INTJs, it's likely you've come across the site INTJ Vision. Typically, they have some very nice articles and I don't find myself disagreeing with them, but while reading their article "Top 10 Qualities INTJ Men Look For In Women," there were some things that struck me as off or odd, and there were some things I did disagree with. So, I'm going to write this blog post in response to theirs. Now, it is important to note that they did slap a big disclaimer across the top of theirs saying things like "the list below is based on opinion, and may vary from one INTJ to another," so my post will be in confirmation or refutation of what they said and prove that their piece was indeed an opinion piece. Let's crack on.

1. Intelligent

INTJ Vision gets it correct here. INTJs will want an intelligent woman; not one with a super high IQ, but a woman who is smart enough to understand certain concepts and contribute to a conversation. For instance: I wouldn't expect a lot of women to be familiar with String Theory or M-Theory, but after a short explanation, it would be my hope that a woman could see the potential applications and revelations of such theories. Where INTJ Vision goes off however, is where they say "intelligence is sexy." I am, and probably always will, postulate that intelligence isn't sexy! True, the lack of intelligence is a turn-off because it slows me down while I'm pitching woo, but I've never met a woman who I thought was smart and then started nursing a chubby just because she was smart. No, my penis doesn't work that way.

2. Independent, 2a. Self-Confident, 2b. Individual

Here's one of those places on the list where INTJ Vision loses the plot. See, for their number two, they have "Independent and Self-Confident," but instead of talking about how important it is that a woman be independent and self-confident, they talk about how important it is for women to understand that INTJ men need independence while seemingly giving self-confidence a miss. But then later, at their number five where they list "Individual," here they talk about how important it is that a woman be herself and not molded by others or be a sheep which then means I have to straighten out their mess.

So, what's the answer here? Well, yes, INTJ Vision is correct; INTJ men need their independence and therefore it would behoove a woman to also be independent rather than codependent. I once knew a girl who was codependent and it drove me up the wall with how much she would come to me with her problems. And yes, a woman who wishes to date an INTJ will need to be confident--INTJs hate cowardice and don't put up with spinelessness. Also, it is important that a woman be herself and have her own beliefs. By that I mean, it's perfectly acceptable for you to believe what someone else does, just make sure you hold that belief because you hold that belief and not because you were told that's what you're supposed to believe. All three traits go into having a strong character and not being weak; INTJs don't put up with weakness and especially despise it in themselves, so they're not going to put up with it where you're involved.

3. Open-Minded

Oh, boy. Open-mindedness. Now, INTJ Vision does use open-minded in its correct context, but there are many out there who don't. For instance, you can be "closed-minded" just because you don't want to try sushi or because you don't support gay marriage. It doesn't matter if you've already tried sushi and decided you don't like it, or if you actually have good reasons for not supporting gay marriage, by dint of the fact that you're not "apart of the crowd" will earn you the critique of "closed-minded," even if you believe in aliens and Bigfoot, and the crowd doesn't. Ergo, I'm always on edge and sometimes straight up averse to the designation of being "open-minded" or being labelled a "free thinker." Remember, just because you're a free thinker, that doesn't mean you're smart or right.

Getting back to the point, INTJ Vision is correct when they say a woman should be able to discuss certain topics and trends in hypothetical situations, and it would aid said woman if she sided with an INTJ's non-standard thinking, such as, it is better to be poor and work for your dreams, rather than be well off and work for someone else's; that's a belief that isn't shared by most in the world. I know because most of the world isn't strong enough to take a chance on their dreams. So a woman who can back such an idea, even if it means the INTJ she's dating is 28 years old and still lives with his parents because he's taking a chance on his dreams rather than the world, she will be cherished and loved like no other woman on the face of the planet.

 

4. Emotionally Stable

Here's a point where INTJ Vision is right, but for the wrong reasons. They say that INTJs don't understand emotions. That's not true; I understand emotions just fine and in fact I feel them quite often. Just the other night I was upset because I was disappointed in someone. Where INTJs come up short is that some people don't feel the right emotions for the right reasons which leads to the idea that INTJs don't understand emotions. No, I can understand that someone is angry or sad, but if it's because someone cut you off or because I just didn't say hello to you, my advice to you is to get your priorities straight; there are bigger things to worry about in life. Yes, it is annoying when people cut you off, but if you're both alive and your sheet metal is still in the same shape as it was when you got on the road, it's fine. As for greetings, if I look you in the eye, that's a sign that I've acknowledged you and you should accept that as a greeting because I don't acknowledge people I don't care for.

Back to the point, emotional stability is extremely important. Most women are Feeling types, that's a fact. And some women fall into the realm of "bitches be crazy." INTJs however have a lot of work to do, and they don't have time for things gumming up the works such as someone acting crazy or someone suffering a case of the "weepies." Sure, there will be times when a couple has to face a problem together, but INTJs can usually control their emotions and they need someone who can too. If you're one of those kinds of women who believes "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best," INTJs are not for you.

5. Loyal

This is right on the money. INTJs, for whatever reason, I've never stopped to think about why or how, are extremely loyal. I imagine it's because INTJs keep to themselves so much and keep so much of their lives a secret. As a result, they value those they can trust when they let them inside their world. This isn't to say that INTJs are loyal to a fault; no, if you betray us even once, you lose our loyalty forever. To keep that from happening, just remain loyal to us and there won't be any problems.

6. Humorous

This is one of the points where my first instinct is to say, no, that's wrong. I don't want a humorous girl. But the way INTJ Vision describes it, what they actually mean is that a woman should have a sense of humor and some wit so that she can survive an INTJ's sarcasm. When I think of a humorous person, I think of a comedian or a class clown, someone who is always joking and laughing. No, don't be that person. INTJs may make great comedians themselves, but they're not necessarily looking to date a comedienne--just a woman who can wittily spar and understand when we're joking.

7. Encouraging

This is an interesting one because while I want a woman who is encouraging of me, it's not something I would've called an INTJ specific quality. I think everyone wants an encouraging partner because we're all susceptible to doubt, so once in a while we need someone who can be there for us to tell us to keep going. Now, maybe INTJs want someone encouraging more so than other types just because INTJs are such weird birds in comparison to the rest of the world, hence they need an external push so they don't lose their motivation, but that's only my speculation.

 

8. Quirky

Again, INTJ Vision doesn't explain why INTJs want a woman who is quirky, but rather a woman who can understand his quirks and be able to explain her own. There's a very big difference between being understanding and being quirky. You can be quirky and not be understanding. But, what does that mean for quirky girls then? Are they not desired by INTJs? Well, that depends on the quirks. If you do something weird and it doesn't harm anyone or it isn't annoying, then it probably isn't a problem, but if it's something that affects an INTJ's efficiency or messes with the method to his madness, it's going to be a problem. And at a time like this, I'm reminded of something my sister said to me which is, "There's no advantage to being weird." So quirks aren't necessarily welcome.

9. Attractive

This is definitely true. If you read my blog from last week, then you'll know that I say anyone who says physical attraction isn't important to INTJs is a filthy liar. Of course physical attraction is important. However, what's interesting is that INTJ Vision goes on to say that an INTJ prefers a woman with little or no make up because too much comes off as shallow. Well, they're definitely right in the first part, however the main reason why I don't like make up is because at best, it smacks of a lie, and at worst, it feels like manipulation; two things which no INTJ will put up with. And INTJ Vision is also right when they say that a woman should not fish for compliments; INTJs are strangely rebellious by nature and if they know what you're after, they may purposely not give it to you. At the best of times it's meant to tease you, but at the worst of times, it's because you don't deserve the compliment either because you don't look good enough for it or you keep fishing for it. But, take heart, some INTJs do know when and how to compliment a woman without it being an issue.

Conclusion

So, that's my response to INTJ Vision. There are definitely times when they are on the money, but there are other times where someone needs to slap their editor upside the head for not slapping the writer upside the head for those times where they lost the plot of the post. I mean, seriously, did the writer of that article even proofread what he wrote?

As for what I think the top ten qualities an INTJ is looking for in a woman, I'm not really sure. I only feel confident in saying that five are true across the board: physically attractive, intelligent, loyal, emotionally stable, and having the ability to think for oneself, whatever that's called. What order might they be in? I don't think they can be put into an order as I think they're all equally important. One quality that I would add for the benefit of myself is creative but that's because I'm a writer and I think I would prosper better with the input of another artist.

Anyway, that's it for this week. What am I doing next week? I don't know yet. I was thinking of either taking a gander at the life experiences that go into creating an INTJ, or I could make another criticism of something on INTJ Vision. So, we'll see.
Keep writing, my friends.

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The Last and Least Five Ways I Buck the INTJ Stereotype

Hey, everyone

Before I get on with the piece, I wanted to let you all know that my Shakespearean play, The Passion of Gloucester and Sinead is available for free download until Saturday. You can get it here.

Alright, so as mentioned a few times, this will probably the last one of these I do. This is the last and least five ways I buck the INTJ stereotype. By "least" I mean these are things that as far as I can tell don't really help to define what an INTJ is, but for those times when people say that INTJs do/are this kind of stuff, these five don't apply to me.

1. The To-Do List Isn't Complete

INTJs keep a lot of things on their minds such as strange phenomenon or the mysteries of the universe. As a result, they put those esoteric things on their to-do list, along with all the mundane things they have to do, and they end up with long lists. So, there's this belief that INTJs can't sleep until their to-do list is complete. This isn't true for me, and it's likely not true for a lot of INTJs. I believe the reason why is because I'm what 16Personalities calls an INTJ-A.

For those who don't know, 16Personalities adds a fifth dimension to MBTI called Identity and you're either Assertive or Turbulent. If you're Assertive, you don't worry about getting stuff done because you know it will get down eventually, whereas if you're Turbulent, you constantly fret about getting things done. "Turbulent" may seem negative, but have you ever heard the expression "busy people get more done"? That's because Turbulent people are always doing something and make long to-do lists for themselves, but the good news is that they actually get all that stuff done. Getting back to the point, as an INTJ-A, I don't worry if my to-do list is complete for a day or not. Now, there are some things that are necessary to get done that day, but I can rest easy knowing I managed to get most things done for a day.

2. Relating More to the Antagonist

It isn't uncommon to see a lot of antagonists in movies and other media to be INTJs. Why? Well, some of our core traits seem to be antagonistic, such as we ask questions, push boundaries, and test taboos. We're arrogant, we think we're always right, and we're huge loners and sometimes creepy weirdos with very eccentric tastes. And we all have a plan for world domination, even me. So sometimes INTJs will relate more to the bad guy in a movie than to the good guy because the motivations and methods of the antagonist make more sense to us than that of the protagonist. However, this isn't true for me.

Being raised Catholic and now a serious practicing Catholic, I have a very firm idea of right and wrong, good and evil, just and unjust. So while I may see that the antagonist has a good intention or his method is much more efficient than the protagonist's, I still don't identify with the antagonists because they're evil. They kill people and blow stuff up. In general, I don't like villains. I mean the Joker from The Dark Knight is fascinating and really stole the show, but I'm not sure I would say I like him. I'm not sure I would say I like any villains and I really don't understand people who do. Villains are meant to be hated, or at the least, disliked. If you don't hate them, then the writer(s) have failed.

3. Not Into Puzzles

INTJs like figuring things out. We love the sense of revelation or solving a mystery. I'm no different, but in general, I'm not into puzzles. A Rubik's cube, no thanks. A 500 piece puzzle, no way. A Sudoku set to hard or a game of Chess against an expert, I don't think so. I mean, I like the feeling of successfully solving a puzzle, but if it's too hard, I will give up. I've got better things to do than to waste my time on something so frivolous. In fact, I would argue that since my writing can make me money and since figuring out a story is a bit like working out a puzzle, that is one of the few puzzles I can stand, but I would never go to a game shop and ask to see the puzzles nor do I enjoy riddles all that much. Sometimes the logic is just not all that logical to me or it requires more effort than what I'm willing to put in.

4. I Don't Fake Smile

INTJs are known for certain traits. One of them is our death stare. In fact, I have been told by my friend John that I'm "grumpy" and my mother has asked me multiple times why I'm scowling when I have no idea what she's talking about. Other people have accused me of looking pissed all the time. Now, while I would have good reason to be pissed all the time living in the world we do, I assure you I'm not--that's just my face. Some INTJs deal with this by faking a smile--I don't. I tend to wear my emotions on my face. If I'm mad, happy, or sad, you can see it. The only time I practice hiding my emotions or whatever I'm thinking is when somebody suggests something to me. I don't want them knowing what I think so I go completely blank until I've come to a decision. It gives me a slight edge and to see how much they believe in their suggestion. But other than those times, I show what I'm holding because I don't believe in lying.

5. Physical Attraction is Important

There are a couple of sources out there telling people what an INTJ looks for in a potential mate. Many of those sources list physical attraction as being a secondary or lesser concern. Now, while it is true I will take a girl who is a "6" over a "10" because she doesn't ask me to explain myself or to define a word for her while I'm pitching woo, but I'd rather have a girl who is a "7" or "8" if it meant she wasn't as intelligent as the "6". True, physical beauty is only skin deep and it is paltry compared to all the other qualities I want my ideal woman to have, but I have to look at her some time. This isn't Fiddler on the Roof where we're more worried about getting a spouse than what they look like. So, physical beauty is a concern for me when I look for a romantic interest. And in fact, next week I'll be looking at an article done by INTJ Vision where they listed the top 10 qualities INTJ men look for in a girl. And I know on that list they put physical beauty quite far down, but for me, it isn't.

Well, that's it for this week's dosage of INTJ Theory. If you felt like this article was lack luster, I heartily agree with you. I really didn't enjoy writing it, but I promised it, so here it is but at the same time, I'm sorry. Hopefully things will be better next week.

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

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Famous INTJs: The Good, the Bad, and the Surprising

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This blog entry is brought to you by my new novels: Remnants of Chaos: Chaotic Omens and Heroes of Majestia: The Company of Flight. You can buy ROCCO here and HOMCOF here.

 

Anyway, I've been teasing this topic for a while now, and I'm finally getting to it. So, let's talk about famous INTJs. Originally, the point of this post was to talk about a couple of "celebrities" that are regarded as INTJs that I can not and absolutely will not recognize as INTJs. Two of those said people: Al Gore and Hillary Clinton (spew!).

However, not everyone in the MBTI culture recognizes Gore and Hillary as INTJs, thankfully. Two others I have difficulty with accepting are Mark Zuckerberg and Stephen Hawking. Now, that probably strikes many of you as weird. Why wouldn't I accept Zuckerberg and Hawking as INTJs? Well, neither one seems open-minded enough to be INTJs. There was a story I heard about Zuckerberg, I've no idea if it's true, but it goes that someone wrote "Black Lives Matter" on a board at the corporate Facebook office. Well, someone erased "Black" and put "All" and Zuckerberg lost his sh*t. Now, if you're going to tout and support a movement like "(X) Lives Matter" then you should support the idea that "All Lives Matter" and an INTJ should know that.

Looking at Hawking now, he once said he doesn't believe in God because the universe is running fine without one. My response? "Hey, assh*le. Maybe the reason why the universe is doing just fine is because there is a God." Some of you know I am a practicing Catholic, but I do admit that there is a possibility, an extremely slim one, that I'm wrong and that there is no God or that Catholicism is wrong. I once thought myself a snowflake for those ideals, but I learned the other day that 64.4% of INTJs admit to belief in a higher power (source) which is pretty amusing seeing as how all the MBTI experts say we're the least likely to believe in a higher power. But getting back to my point, because both Zuckerberg and Hawking don't seem to be able to see their own closed-mindedness is the reason I have difficulty accepting them as INTJs. Some would argue that INTJs don't see their biases, but as I tout, INTJs can be anything and do anything they want, and that includes being able to see and recognize their own biases.

Anyway, going to back to Gore and Hillary (gag!), I was looking for sites that supported the claim they're INTJs and sites that didn't. What's interesting is that if you type "INTJ celebrities" into Google, all sorts of people pop up, like Arnold Schwarzenegger, C.S. Lewis, Dan Aykroyd, Angela Lansbury, Maria Shriver, and Rudy Giuliani. And then, if you click on a site like IDRlabs.com, all sorts of interesting people show up. Now, Isaac Newton and Nikola Tesla aren't too surprising, but when you see Marx, Nietzsche, and Ayn Rand all right next to each other, that is surprising. Well, I'm not surprised to see Marx and Nietzsche together, but Rand does surprise me since her philosophies are so different from the two of them. Rand followed in the footsteps of Aristotle and Aquinas (two of the greatest!), and condemned philosophies not all that dissimilar from Marxism and Nietzsche's philosophies that helped to inspire and influence fascism and Nazism. Although I will admit that I can see an INTJ who is in power easily becoming a fascist, but I can't see INTJ thinking processes leading to socialism and communism. Anyway...

As you scroll through the list, there will be other surprises like Martin Luther, but you will eventually get to the "famous" INTJs whose pictures are outlined in black silhouettes demarcating them as evil. To be honest, the only two I've heard of are Lenin and the "Unabomber" Ted Kaczynski. But despite their evil, they do say some things I can understand. For instance, Varg Vikernes, murderer and arsonist, said "If you imagine a thing happening in your head, you will make it happen--that is, if your willpower is strong enough." I know exactly how he feels.

But beyond the baddies, you come to the actors and there are quite a few surprising ones in there like Jodie Foster and Ashley Olson--I never in a million years would've thought either of the Olson twins could've been INTJs. One of the ones that really gets me is Jay-Z, but that's mostly because he's married to Beyoncé who according to IDRlabs is an ESFP, the sworn enemy and complete opposite of the INTJ. And then there are those that I'm glad to see like Patrick Stewart and Francis Ford Coppola. But all this insight into who is and who isn't an INTJ raises an interesting question: how can so many different kinds of people be INTJs, from the good, the bad, and surprising?

Well, being an INTJ isn't like being in a band, family, or particular religion--there's no single set of rules or morals we all must follow. Being an INTJ only identifies the way in which we experience the world, think about the world, process our thoughts and experiences, and how we are likely to go about doing in the world. I know that last one sounded off, but think of it this way: there are different ways to go shopping. Some good are good and some are a waste, but an INTJ is likely to go shopping in the most methodical, efficient way possible barring any strange or unique circumstances, like phobias or too many people in an aisle.

I'm not pointing this whole how-it's-strange-that-so-many-different-weirdos-can-be-INTJs because I want to make a point that we're all different or some crapola. It's just a sobering reminder that because you are a certain way or hold a certain belief etc, that doesn't mean everyone who is also that way or has that belief will be just as awesome or as suck-tastic as you. I once saw a show where a guy had a near-death experience where he got to meet Jesus, and he asked the Big J which religion was the right one, and the Big J said, "There are good people in bad religions, and bad people in good religions." So too is it with personalities; there are awesome INTJs out there, and there are INTJs out there that are full of suck.

Another thing to keep in mind, is that without any of these people actually taking a personality test, we can't be sure if they are or are not INTJs. Many of these famous MBTI type websites don't agree with each other--they could be wrong. And I could be wrong about Gore and Hillary, but I really can't express enough how much I don't want either of them being an INTJ.

Anyway, that's it for this week. I apologize for not having this up last week, but it was Halloween. I tend to get lazy around the holidays, even minor ones. For next week, I'm not sure what I'll do. Maybe I'll do the last and least 5 ways I buck the INTJ stereotype, or I'll make a response to another INTJ blog I saw. Either way, we're sure to have a lot of fun.

Keep writing, my friends.

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MBTI: Primary and Secondary Personalities Theory

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This blog entry is brought to you by my new novels: Remnants of Chaos: Chaotic Omens and Heroes of Majestia: The Company of Flight. You can buy ROCCO here and HOMCOF here. HOMCOF is also available for free download until Sunday.

So as promised, this week I'm going to go over a personal theory of my own. Basically, the theory is that while everyone in the world does have an identifiable personality, this personality is their first or primary personality. But there do come times when a person cannot rely on their primary personality, such as in cases of survival, and it becomes necessary for them to adapt and to adopt a secondary or even lower personality.

What's my proof? Well, until I came across 16Personalities and their absolutely superb personality quiz, I was already slightly acquainted with MBTI, but not well. I had taken a few quizzes elsewhere, such as Facebook, and one time I got ISTJ. Another time, I was taking a different a MBTI test online and again, I was typed as ISTJ. How could this be? Well, besides the fact that those tests were no where near as thorough or as sophisticated as the test on 16Personalities, there are a couple of other possibilities: 1. I wasn't being completely honest or I answered a question wrongly, 2. 16Personalities is wrong, 3. At those times, I was an ISTJ and I developed into an INTJ, or 4. I have a secondary personality and for whatever reason, those tests drew it out better. But, how is it possible that we may have more than one personality?

Well, to some extent, I believe our personalities are changeable. Like I said earlier, I don't think I've always been an INTJ. I'm pretty sure I was an ISTJ as a kid, but it's rather difficult to know for sure as at one time I was quite boisterous and obnoxious. But, I took pride in following the system and being told I was a good or smart boy. I never questioned or bucked the system, and I shunned those who did. I was also quite emotional. At one point, I am embarrassed to say, I was what you would call a "cry baby," and I wasn't an infant at the time. What happened? Well, more of my parents and siblings imprinted on me, I tried not to be annoying when people told me I was being so, I reined in my emotions, and whilst playing video games, I found the silent, mysterious, and stoic characters the coolest--so I became them. At some point during my high school years, I was an ISTJ like Spock, but it was only a matter of time before I became an INTJ as I found myself working the hell out of my imagination and asking questions about everything. Though I will admit that I didn't do it on my own. But anyway, the point is that I believe I was once an ISTJ, and like I said, when put into an unfamiliar situation, I turn to my ISTJ side for survival.

Some of you may think this nutty and you may think that what I'm actually doing in survival situations is turning to my lesser used functions such as introverted feeling and extraverted sensing. Well, there may be some proof for either side of the argument. MBTI commentator Heidi Priebe, who writes all the MBTI articles for Thought Catalog, wrote an interesting one on mistyping the personalities (read it here). Two of the types she says INTJs can be mistyped as are INFJs, because of our strong desire for self-improvement hence we don't leave anything as underdeveloped such as our introverted feeling, and ENTJs because of our strong desire to maintain order in the external world. She does also mention INTJs being mistyped as ISTJs, but she doesn't say why. I think it has something to do with our nature to learn things in a straightforward and simple manner, and catalogue our experiences so we can use that information for later. But getting back to the point, while we all may be turning to our lesser developed functions to help us deal with unfamiliar or uncomfortable situations, I think we can also say that our personalities change in those moments.

Now, I may be completely off base. I'm not an MBTI expert, and I barely pass for an INTJ expert. I may buy into the mystique harder than others, but I'm not sure I could explain what an INTJ is to a person who doesn't already know which is strange because at some point someone explained it to me. But anyway, in the case I am off base, I'm not particularly concerned about it--I just wanted to help expand MBTI theory. And because I'm running out of INTJ ideas to write about. I've got two more before I need to start grabbing at straws. Anyway...

That'll be it for now. I know this was a short one, but I did expect it to take longer. And I apologize for it being released late. I've had a trying couple of days again. So, for next week, I think I will be covering celebrities/famous people that are considered INTJs that I can't consider as INTJs. Don't miss it. And also please consider buying my books.

Keep writing, my friends.

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Five More Ways I Buck The INTJ Stereotype

Hey, everyone.

Honestly, I don't remember what I promised to write for this week's INTJ article, but I think I said I'd be doing...

If you'd like to read the original, you can find it here. But to be honest, some of these were really hard to come up with. I was really scraping the bottom of the barrel for ways I buck the INTJ stereotype, but I did manage to come up with ten altogether. However, I decided to save five of the least ways I buck the stereotype for the last one of these I'm going to write. So, let's take a look at these.

1. I Understand Social Interactions

The INTJ stereotype says we're all socially awkward as f*ck and don't know how to act in front of people. For me, this isn't true. While people may feel awkward in my presence or around me, that doesn't me I do. In fact, I don't allow awkward silences to occur in my life anymore, or rather I don't allow a silence to make me feel awkward. But, going back to social interactions, events, or functions, I totally understand how to act in them appropriately. This comes from the fact that my parents, while not socialites by any stretch of the imagination, were well bred and know well the formalities of social events and passed on their knowledge to me. Plus, in watching how others interact and being able to read people fairly well, my knowledge and intuition was further extended.

Having said all that, however, this does not mean that I am the smoothest mother f*cker in the room. It all depends on my mood at the time. If I'm tired, run down, disappointed, or feeling unhappy in any way, I won't care what's expected of me. And, there have been times when I've bucked the social conventions of the day to critical acclaim--some of my antics bring forth honest chuckles because of their direct commentary on the situation. So when I'm not feeling it, not only do I not care, but people also encourage me.

2. I Love Hugs

Another part of the stereotype is that INTJs really like their personal space and hate being touched. I can relate especially since I'm a germaphobe and OCD, but I do enjoy hugs. In fact, I take them quite seriously. I've observed them and have examined the best ways to give them and how they should feel. I have even come up with a system for the giving what I call the World's Perfect Hug. However, there is a caveat to this: I only hug attractive women meaning should I join the Free Hugs Campaign, only hotties can hug me. I don't hug dudes and I don't give hope to the hopeless. So, I'm not going around hugging people like an ENFP, but if one of my female friends wants a hug, I'm going to give it to her and I will do so willingly. Now, there are some hugs you can't escape like from family or members in your church who only wish you the best, but for everyone else, there is a standard. If you don't meet it, I'm sorry. But if you do, prepare to meet the world's best hugger.

3. I Don't Play Devil's Advocate

INTJs challenge things; often the older, traditional systems and ways of thinking. Hell, they challenge other people's thinking. There's an image on Pinterest that says something to the effect of "If you hang out with me long enough, I just might convince you to think for yourself." And so, because of this reputation as well as the fact that INTJs are outsiders and sometimes find it amusing to experiment with certain taboos, we have a reputation for debating everything and anything, even if we belong to the opposing side. For me, this is certainly not true. I hate debate because when I come against stern confrontation, I get flustered, angry, and jittery, and I end up forgetting some of my points or the reasons why I believe or think something. And there are some things out there that I find so repulsive, i.e. abortion, porn, drug use, communism, etc, that I won't even mock debate them. I mean, I can, and I would probably win, but I won't.

4. I Don't Hate Talking on the Phone

INTJs keep to themselves. And due to the stereotype that we're socially awkward, we've also somehow developed the stereotype for not answering the phone when people call. And, it's believed that we prefer texting. Again, for me this isn't true. In fact, let me tell you a story: A few years ago when I was still at Wayne State, I needed to see a counselor and I remember thinking, "Why should I schedule an appointment to see a counselor on the computer when I'm going to be on campus tomorrow and I can just do it in person? Plus, there's no way in hell it can be messed up." Well, imagine my befuddlement when I got to the counseling office and the students working there told me I had to schedule an appointment online. I couldn't even do it through them right there. What kind of sh*t is that? If I can get something done in person, it should be done in person. And if not, it should be over the phone. Why are we trusting computers to do it when they are known to occasionally screw up and we can do it ourselves?

The main reason why I have this angle is because I don't want anything to go wrong. As a result, I've begun to hate texting in recent years. I mean, I'm not very popular to begin with, so most of the time, it's a superfluous option on my cell phone plan. The other problem is that meaning can be lost in text and it can take so much time to type a message And! I could be trying to get something else done at the time. I used to have whole conversations through text, but these days I try to avoid them because I don't have the patience and if I really need/want to talk to you, it's just easier to call. Pick up the phone!

5. No One Asks Me For Advice

This is one of those INTJ stereotypical behaviors that I had a real hard time coming up with by myself. But basically, the stereotype is that people are always coming to INTJs for advice. (And then usually the people don't follow that advice only to have it all blow up in their face.) I mean, I have had people ask for my advice, but it's not something I'm known for. No one calls me an advisor or seeks me out to hear what I think. Now, this could be because most of the people I know have their sh*t together and so they don't need advice, or it's because I don't offer advice. In fact, I don't give advice unless directly asked because unasked for advice is one of the most annoying things in the world and the last time someone really asked for my advice, I told her to do whatever she really wanted because I knew which way she wanted to go, I knew that that was the way she was going to go, and she wasn't really listening to what I was telling her anyway. So, if people aren't going to listen anyway, why bother telling them in first place?

Bonus: I Get Angry

That's right; I thought I would include a bonus way I buck the INTJ stereotype and that is that I do get angry. INTJs are known for being very cool and generally unaffected by stressful events. Supposedly we have a long, long fuse until our bombs go off. And this is true for me to an extent, but when something really pisses me off, like city councils helping to organize ANTIFA demonstrations and telling the police to stand down when things get violent, I can get hopping mad and I imagine punching in the faces of all the piss ants who've pissed me off. The chances of me actually exploding out in public are pretty slim, but that doesn't mean I'm not angry. Of the seven deadly sins, I struggle with gluttony, lust, avarice, and vanity, but the only one I really fear is wrath because it has such a hold on me. Sometimes I enjoy imagining all the violent scenarios that go through my head. And to some extent, I do worry what could happen if I ever got so angry, in public, that I would find myself in a colossal brawl because I'm sure it would not go as well as daydreams portray.

Okay, that's enough for now. For next week, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I could do a bit on a theory I had about MBTI primary and secondary personalities. Yes, you read that right, personalities, not functions. In fact, screw all that function crap, it's too complicated. But basically the post would be about how while I am primarily an INTJ, I can become an ISTJ for the sake of survival. That's the theory. So, we'll see. Until next week...

Keep writing, my friends.

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How INTJs Can Ace Social Interactions and Romance

Hey, everyone.

So, continuing with the theme as to why and how INTJs are the best at everything, this week, I'm going to cover...

That's right. Some of you may be calling me a filthy liar stating, "INTJs are terrible at social interactions and completely clueless when it comes to romance! You gotta be sh*ttin' me!" Well, I'm not sh*ttin' you in the least. Believe it or not, some of us are quite skilled with romance and social functions. It's like I keep saying, there's nothing an INTJ can't do. But this of course raises the question how are we able to beat our stereotype and actually be good with such things? And how come the stereotype exists in the first place? The answer to the first one is quite simple; perhaps you picked up on it in the title.

Ace Is High, INTJs Are Wild

Ante up, ladies! We do it through gambling! Wait, no; that's not quite right. But, it does have something to do with acing things. What sort of things? Things like tests and classes. It's no mystery that INTJs are smart and good in school. We're life-long students, constantly absorbing information about every little thing on the planet. In fact, according to the analysis on 16Personalities, they say that if a subject can be taught, an INTJ can learn it.

Now, some may argue that you can't learn romance and how to act properly in a social engagement. To which I say, oh yeah? Then how is it we know which fork to use for salad and which spoon is for soup? How come people don't fart when meeting someone new? How is it that relationships often get better with time rather than worse? Could it be that all these things are learned behavior, or in the case of a relationship, we learn how to deal with our significant other?

All of the above are learned. No one knows that stuff right off the bat. And, there are even books and classes on this stuff. There are etiquette classes one can take, you can buy a book called The Psychology of Likability, and there are tons of books and classes out there on how to pick up chicks and date them successfully. Hell, there are YouTube vids and entire channels devoted to this kind of stuff. It's because of a YouTube channel called Marni Your Personal Wing Girl that I discovered that I was actually afraid to talk to women (sometimes). So, if it can be learned, an INTJ can master it.

But, there's more proof than this. I, for instance, can be quite the charming fellow. Really. But you have to catch me in the right mood. Like a lot of guys, I suffer from that mind-cock blocker where when talking to a girl you really like, you screw up, but when talking to a girl you know you have no chance with or when talking to a girl you don't want to date, you're the smoothest mother f*cker in the land. One time, I was in a flirtationship with an older woman. Well, it's actually happened to me more than once, but in this particular flirtationship, I didn't know the woman was married. I assumed she was because she had children, but I went ahead and flirted with her. Not big flirts with sexual innuendos, but the kind of flirting that is fun and approachable. What happened? Well, she of course blushed from the attention and quite enjoyed it, and once she even called me a "bad boy." I've never been called a bad boy before or since. I'm pretty sure no INTJ has. That might be a world's first.

I have also had real romantic relationships. And they were quite romantic indeed. I dated like four or five girls in 2012, don't ask me how as I've never been able to duplicate that success, but I did. And three of those girls, I cuddled with, two of which happened on the first date. Two of them I even made out with, one of which happened on the first date. And you don't get girls to make out with you when you're weird and anti-social. But, I'm not here to brag, I'm trying to argue that INTJs can dominate romance just as easily as they dominate the ethereal and theoretical. How did I get those girls to make out with me? I was suave and calculating which is very INTJ, but I learned to be that way from observing romantic situations in real life, movies, TV shows, my rare personal experiences, and following my intuition. It's as simple as "I'm going to turn my face toward her when she kisses my cheek so she'll actually kiss my lips," or "I know I'm pretty good with massage, what would happen if I massaged her neck while I kissed her?"

Another source, an article from Thought Catalog, even suggests that INTJs can be great in bed because we see it as another opportunity to prove how exceptional we are. But! All this proof begs an important question: how is it that INTJs got their socially awkward stereotype if they're the coolest people in the world?

Old Habits Die Hard

For starters, INTJs aren't naturally suave. Sure, we can learn how to be suave and how to leverage a situation to our favor, but it's not in our comfort zone. INTJs prefer to be direct. You've probably heard that everyone wears a mask in public, that no one really shows who they are. For INTJs, this isn't true--we do show who we really are out in public, or at the least, we have the thinnest masks. What you see is pretty damn close to what you get. And while we can be suave, we'd rather just tell you what we're really thinking. We can maneuver, but the fastest way to any destination is a straight line. So, we're not prone to "playing the game" regardless of whether it's in romance or at social functions.

Add to this, we spend a lot of time by ourselves. Being in the company of other people does get annoying after a while and we just prefer to be alone. So, there are times when we find ourselves at a social function, and we're just not in the mood. This is probably where people get the idea that we're jerks or douchebags; we're not, we just don't have the patience or energy to pretend otherwise.

For my part, it's not so much that I'm socially awkward, it's more that I don't care or that I prefer to lurk in the background/shadows and observe. And depending on the function, it can be difficult to get a word in edgewise, so it's just easier not to bother and let someone else start the conversation. And when some people do engage me, it's typically in the minutia or the flotsam and jetsam of life, like how I'm doing. Social protocol dictates I don't answer this 100% honestly because I shouldn't burden other people with my problems, but because there are no pertinent follow-up questions to what I say, I don't volunteer any information besides. It's amazing how some conversations just flow when I watch others interact, but when they involve me, it quickly ends. Some people would describe this is as socially awkward. I don't because I don't feel awkward in these situations. If you feel awkward, that's your problem--you deal with it.

Conclusion

And that's really about it. To be honest, I just can't think of anything else to say on this topic. I maintain my stance that INTJs can do anything so long as we can study it and even test it out in a safe environment like a classroom. But, we have to be in the mood to put up with such things. Now, with really close friends, family, and even romantic interests, our patience and effort does go a little further, as is true for everyone, but generally, we're very much into our own ways of doing things.

Next week, I think I'll go over five more ways I buck the INTJ stereotype. The first one I did was quite popular. It's become the most popular article on my blog. What's supposed to be a blog about writing might evolve into a blog all about INTJ junk because, to be honest, ain't no one reading my writing blogs. But anyway, until next week.

Keep writing, my friends.

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The INTJ Mystique

Hey, everyone.

So, like I said last week, this week I'll be focusing on...

Doubtlessly, some of you are quite curious as to what I mean by the "INTJ Mystique." Basically, this post is all about why INTJ's are so damn cool. Sure, we could break down the letters and talk about introversion and intuition, but that doesn't really explain what an INTJ is. It doesn't give an idea of how the letters I, N, T, and J come together and affect each other. So, let me tell you all about INTJ's.

An INTJ is one of the most difficult things to understand. It is a mass of complexes and sometimes paradoxes. They're cold on the outside, but are driven by the hottest of fires on the inside. They live for logic, but possess a strong intuition capable of knowing something without actually knowing anything about it. We hate irrationality and bad grammar, but we also hate feeling like we're being boxed in or that we're bound by rules that don't need to exist.

We abhor the simple, mundane world seeking instead occult knowledge, looking for something  someone may have missed. We even take already well-known knowledge and subject it to our scrutiny just to make sure it is solid. And then, rather than throwing that knowledge away, we store it in our minds and find another use for it, or we uncover how it connects to something else.

INTJ's are outsiders. We're outsiders to the systems that other people live in; systems for how they live, act, work, love or believe. We can see them at work and how they work. We can predict how they affect people and how to use the system to affect people. People don't understand why we don't, can't, or won't live within their systems, but that is precisely why we are needed by society because only we know how to alter the systems or even control the people within them.

INTJ's are unlimited in their abilities. Some will accuse us of being socially awkward and being clueless in love, but this isn't true. Social and romantic interactions can be studied and predicted. And if it can be studied, INTJ's can master it. There are no limits to what we can learn and how to utilize our knowledge. Plus, it would be a great waste of our intuition, the otherworldly quality that grants us a priori knowledge, if we didn't try to master friendships, relationships, and religion. This is what our intuition was designed for. If we can master the ethereal, then we can master the physical.

By being unlimited, we allow ourselves the room to pursue perfection and to always be better than we were. It's why we have immutable principles and ethics, it's why we're so loyal as friends, and it's why we make the best spouses. INTJ's are determined, powerful prodigies. The universe is one big puzzle for us to solve and we will solve it, or die trying. But even that type of death is more rewarding than a life lived chasing the Joneses. "A story is only as epic as you allow it to be." The same is true for INTJ's; we are epic because we allow ourselves to be. We are a whole gaggle of Neo's from The Matrix allowing ourselves to live beyond the rules of what normal humans think is possible.

This is the INTJ Mystique. We are the greatest personality type in MBTI. You won't hear us roar, and you may pass us out on the street and not realize it, but in a subtle, metaphysical way, we will affect you in the greatest way possible.

Well, there's definitely more I can say about the INTJ Mystique, but I will end it there. In fact, I think I will turn this into a book and go into more detail about why we're so damn awesome. For next week, I'm not sure what I will do yet. Maybe I'll expound on how INTJ's can be the greatest friends, lovers, and actors. Or, I'll go into five more ways I buck the INTJ stereotype. But, until next week...

Keep writing, my friends.

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Ten Ways I'm Totally An INTJ

Hey, everyone.

So, my blog post last week on the Five Ways I Buck the INTJ Stereotype was quite popular. It got 245 views which I wasn't expecting. Unfortunately, I don't know if it was liked because no left a comment. Anyway, for this week's post, I've decided to go over ten ways that I am totally the stereotypical INTJ. Let's get to it.

1. Surprisingly Rebellious

I'm not very outgoing. Of course I'm not, I'm an INTJ. But, sometimes, I do take on the role of a rebel without a cause. When someone tells me something like "everyone's doing it," I tend to get fired up because 1. I don't care, and 2. I am not everyone. Once upon a time, I cared what the group was doing, but through my formative years as a teenager, I learned how much of an outcast I really was. Hell, even in my own circle of friends I'm the damn outsider. It's easy not to give a damn about the Joneses when they cut you out. And so, as a result, sometimes you just need to rebel to be a smartass.

Well, it's actually a control thing. INTJ's get very irritated when people try to manipulate them or tell them what they need. Really? You know what I need better than myself? Ergo, to show you can't be controlled, you rebel. Just don't make a habit of it because some people are smart enough to pick up on the pattern and will use it to control you.

2. Superiority Complex

"Some men think they're God--this one just happens to be right."

That's a quote from the 2001 remake of the comedy Bedazzled. (The original was better.) But, it does illustrate a good point about INTJ's. We may not think we're God, but we do definitely think ourselves generally "better" or more highly evolved than other people. I once had a conversation with a female friend of mine, a Sensing sort of girl, sometime before I discovered I was an INTJ. I confessed I didn't feel like a normal man, that I was something "higher." She accused me of thinking I was an angel. Now, of course, I don't think that. Growing up in the Catholic Church, I have a very strict definition of what an angel should be, and since I didn't know anything about MBTI at the time, I didn't know how to respond to her. Another time, I looked in the mirror one day and asked her if she thought I had a big head; she asked for clarification. I was kind of hurt by that because I generally don't think of myself as arrogant, but I do still think of myself as being "higher" than the average person.

3. Immutable Principles

Whether it comes from the Catholic background or because I don't like change, I definitely have immutable principles. On the one hand, it keeps my nose clean. On the other hand, it makes life kind of difficult or even annoying. There are times when it would be easier to say, "Aw, f*ck it. I don't feel like doing that." But then my sense of justice and ethics goes, "You were raised better than this. You know the difference between good and bad, moral and immoral, virtuous and complacent. You have no other choice, unless you want to look like the other vulgar scum walking the streets." And it's like, damn! Guilted into following my own rigid code of ethics by my own superiority complex. That's the problem with having a conscience.

But, like I said, having good, clean morals and strong ethics has kept my nose clean, and as I result, I don't have a lot of the problems some people my age do. I may give off a 1950's nerdy, straight laced feeling, but you can't complain about the fact that there's nothing to complain about.

4. Constant Improvement

In my last post, I talked about how I don't give a sh*t about the relentless improvement of technology. But, one thing I can't stand is mediocrity in myself, especially since I started working out. My whole perspective on the world and people has changed somewhat, especially when it comes to looking for a suitable mate. At one time, I accepted girls with a few extra pounds and girls who weren't necessarily virgins, you know, because being 28 in this modern world, you can't dependably expect to find a girl who is still a virgin at that age.

But, after working out regularly for the past three-and-a-half months, being on a diet, losing 23 lbs, and holding onto my maiden virtue all this time, I don't accept chubby girls anymore, and I've renewed my intentions of finding a virgin. If I'm going to hold myself to a higher standard, why should I accept someone who doesn't? Because it's judgmental? Oh, boo-f*cking-hoo. You don't want to be judged negatively, don't be a piece of sh*t.

5. Connections

I have OCD. Specifically, germ-a-phobia. I was always OCD to some extent as a child, but when I got into high school, I started noticing things. I started paying attention to what people touched and then what they touched after. As a result, I became very OCD in a short amount of time, and it pit me against my family which was very difficult for my mother and sister, two people I never used to recoil from and avoid all physical contact with.

I thought my ability to make connections and notice patterns was a side effect of my OCD because neither my mother nor sister seemed capable of noticing such things. However, I know my father notices patterns almost as fast as I do, and my brother does too, but to a much lesser extent. Also, I am able to make connections between two seemingly unrelated things, like art and science. I see the science in the art, and the art in the science. In my latter years of high school and starting out at college, I came to appreciate every school subject regardless of what it was because I knew it could be useful to me in some way, shape, or form. At the time, I thought it was because I was pursuing writing as a career, and you never know what you'll end up using or how. But these days, I see how the areas of study affect each other. I see the symbiotic relationship between them. Everything is connected to everything else.

6. Life Bores Me

Remember my Sensing friend? She's very grounded. She loves going outside, she does things, she's a nurse, and for whatever reason, she thinks I'm smarter than her. I maintain that I'm not; she just has a different sort of intelligence. For example: she can spank me good at Scrabble which may sound funny because I'm a writer with a huge vocabulary. But when I play Scrabble, instead of looking at what I can do, I focus on what I could do... if conditions were right. I have the same problem playing Chess and Magic: The Gathering. Magic is especially the tricky one, because instead of building a deck that wins, I build decks that I think would make epic wins. You'd think the conditions would be the same, but strangely they're not. And that's why I don't like regular, everyday life. It's so mundane. Where's the magic? Where's the fantasy? Why can't dragons exist? Although, on a serious note, if dragons did exist, things probably would super suck. Playing Skyrim enlightened me to that perspective.

But, because life is so boring, that's one of the reasons why I became a writer. If I can't have a wondrous life, I'll live a wondrous life vicariously through a fictional story. Some people may argue that if I stopped being an INTJ and became something like an ENFP or ESFP, I could have an exciting and entertaining life. But at those times when I consider having such a life, I realize that sometimes I just prefer to sit alone in the shade and be alone with my thoughts rather than doing something crazy. Besides, why would I want to meet super models or go skydiving when in my mind I could meet super hot, vampire chicks or explore ancient castles? Plus, some people just suck, and in my imagination, I can give them their comeuppance.

7. Cool Outside, Hot Inside

INTJ's have a reputation for being cool and calm on the outside, but being very passionate on the inside. I'm no exception unless I get into an argument with a close friend. Then I can become hopping mad.

"That's the raging volcano?"
"Maybe he gets hopping mad."

But, it's true. Stress doesn't really get to me, and even when in stressful situations, I do have an outwardly calm appearance. It can give off the impression that I'm apathetic, but have a look inside my mind, and things are quite different. Once I was talking to a girl that I thought would become my girlfriend. Well, somehow I tripped her insecurities, and she went from being a possible girlfriend to talking about being just friends. It was an instant switch. At first, I was confused, but then I was angry for the next two to three hours by the sudden upset. While my mind was raging, all I did was pace the kitchen back and forth. Another example is just like how I mentioned that regular life bores me. You see me going for a leisurely stroll down the street or sitting somewhere off by myself, but the whole time, an epic story is playing out inside my mind the likes of which rivals Tolkien's Lord of the Rings.

It's been said that while INTJ's are very placid on the outside, we're actually super passionate on the inside, and that we don't really do anything we don't enjoy. That's quite true. People may associate the color blue with my personality, but my favorite color is red because it is the color of passion. And it goes well with black.

8. Jack of All Trades

You ever see that quote or meme that lists off all the things a person should be capable of doing, and then saying that specialization for insects? Or, if you're a writer or a blogger, you've probably heard that in order to be successful as a writer, but especially as a blogger, you need to pick a niche and stick to it. I say that's crapola.

While I may think myself a master writer, I have many wide and varied interests. I believe in being a Renaissance man. I have an interest in science, math, philosophy, history, and art. I prefer to shoot archery, but I will also play basketball. I'd like to know how to sew, and I'd love to be able to make my own quilts, but I do have the makings of a petrol head. And while I may be introverted, I do have an interest in dancing.

My shuffling ain't so bad.

See, the way I get around the whole niche thing is that I say "My niche is that I'm Bryan C. Laesch. Anything that has to do with me is my niche." But, really, I don't have a niche. Hell, when I hopped onto Twitter, I took the user name BryanofAllTrade in reference to the fact that I am a jack of all trades. (I didn't put an "S" at the end because I ran out of spaces.) My three most marketable skills are writing and editing, dog training, and tutoring foreign language. True, foreign language and writing are related, and dog training and tutoring are related, but they are unique enough to cause people to stop and wonder how the hell I got such talents.

And, of course, it all goes back to writing. While my magnum opus may be a modern Gothic Epic, I have written a fantasy novel. I've written a Shakespearean play. I'm going to write a sci-fi novel, and in a bid to expand my audience, I'm going to self-publish a book of poetry and a compilation of romance stories. Not simply because I want to expand my audience, but because I have a genuine interest in these genres. Hell, I even had an idea for a series of children's books. The point is, through writing, I am able to explore all these different subjects and interests. And if they bring me a few dollars, why the f*ck not?!

9. Pointless Secrets

Despite how forthright I am in my writing, I'm a very private person at home. I don't like divulging what it is that I'm doing. Somebody asks me what I'm up to, and I'll deflect the question or lie just because I'm mildly embarrassed about watching an rom-com anime. I could just say I'm watching anime, but then that leads to questions. Questions like what's it called, what's it about, who are the characters, etc. And some of these things just aren't worth going over. They're pointless and nobody needs to know them. So, if someone catches me doing something mildly embarrassing, I tend to deflect the situation even though it would just be easier to come clean. But, like I said, people don't need to know.

10. Death Glare

If you look at INTJ's in media, they tend to be depicted as being bored out of their minds. Not me. I have a resting bitch face. My mother has even told me I scowl, and my cousin's girlfriend told me I always look pissed off. I'm not; it's just my face. Besides, if I'm not happy, why the hell should I smile? Don't people smile to show they're happy?

But besides that, I do have the dreaded INTJ death glare. Irritate me or piss me off, and my eyes burn a whole right through soul and fill you with such an intense feeling of dread, I've actually made people retreat. When I was in the eighth grade, a girl in my class said something stupid, I gave her a mild form of the death glare, and she responded with, "Bryan, you always look like you want to kill me." At the time I thought she was being harsh, but I'm glad the death glare is in my repertoire. You never know when you might need it.

And so, that concludes the Ten Ways I'm Totally An INTJ. While writing this piece, I had a few ah-ha moments and realized several more ways I'm the typical INTJ and untypical INTJ. I intend to write those eventually, but next week, I'm going to cover the INTJ mystique. I'm not a hundred percent sure what I mean by that, but it will be a sort of breakdown of what it means to be an INTJ in a bid to help younger or newer INTJ's realize why they're so special. If you don't want to miss it, follow me on Facebook or subscribe to this blog. And, if you want more info on INTJ's, get the book The True INTJ by Truity. Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

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