Seven Tips for Dating an INTJ

Hey, everyone.

So, I know I was supposed to cover the Gothic Aesthetic of INTJs this week, but I need a little more time with that one. Plus, with Valentine's Day approaching, this one is topical.

Now, while my usual MO is to take someone else's article on a subject like this and comment on it, I decided I would write an original piece. Part of my inspiration for this one comes from my frustration with dealing with normal/regular people at work, as well as my frustration with the whole-lot-of-nothing I find on dating sites. So in the spirit of my frustrations and Valentine's Day, please allow me to give you seven tips for dating INTJs. Please note: this is not an exhaustive or comprehensive list.

1. For the Love of God--Think!

I know some personality types may struggle with this first one, but just because you're a Feeling type, that doesn't excuse or preclude you from using your brain. I'm not saying you need to be Feeling type but hold the Feeling, but you will have to put your feelings aside sometimes and think. One of the largest annoyances INTJs face living in the world is how thoughtless everyone seems to be. One of the reasons why INTJs are so good at strategy is because we find ourselves thinking about and predicting other people's thoughts--basically, we're thinking for others, and we can get really tired of it. So before you jump to a conclusion or ask what may be a stupid question, give yourself pause and ponder it for a second, especially if it's regarding your INTJ's behavior. There is a method to the madness.

2. A Little Bit of Distance Goes a Long Way

This is another one I'm sure some people will struggle with, and it isn't 100% true for INTJs. Sometimes we can be huge cuddlers--just don't draw attention to it!--but if you find your INTJ leaving the room every time you enter or is turning away from you or seems detached from the conversation you're trying to have, that is a sign your INTJ wants to be left alone. You shouldn't take it personally though as all INTJs require some time alone every day. It's quite relaxing and soothing for us. And if you really need us, we're not inflexible monsters; just explain that you need us to listen and we'll be there for you. But when this isn't the situation, remember the rule that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" because it does.

3. Hey! Listen!

Usually, INTJs are the ones that listen. Part of the reason is that we hate to interrupt, or that we think the solution to your problem is obvious so we have no need to say it, but another part of it is that one of our most important love languages is quality time. As a result, we're fine and dandy just being with you as you talk, but rest assured, you are not talking at us. We are listening, gauging, and learning.

However, whenever we do speak, you should keep your ears open. While I did admit that some of our largest frustrations come from people not thinking, another great frustration to us is how people are the grand architects of their own demise and that if they just listened to reason, they wouldn't be in such dire straits. Not to mention, since we listen so attentively and learn every little thing we can about you, you should really do likewise as it will make us feel appreciated and heard. We're also one of the few types of people who say what we mean, but we sometimes have a bad habit of being vague about it because we think what little we say should be extrapolated into the obvious. By keeping your ears open and your brain ticking, you'll manage to avoid a lot of unnecessary friction with your INTJ.

4. The Dichotomy of Cold Rationale and Raw Passion

Trust me, INTJs hate paradoxes and logical fallacies just as much as anyone, but this is an occupational hazard of being an INTJ. When it comes to everyday life, we try not to let our feelings get involved in a situation. Faced with a particularly challenging conundrum, we'll consider everything from the smart perspective and sometimes from the safe perspective, which in our minds is the right and truthful perspective(s). Ergo, there's no need to involve feelings.

However, the flip side to that is our passion. Sure, we can do a job exactly as it is outlined, but chances are we won't continue to do said job if it's boring or meaningless from the eternal perspective. Sure, we do a lot of things "by the book," but that's because we feel that is the best course of action. And when it comes to things we don't understand, such as the poor choices made by people, we can get quite hopping mad. In our lives, factual truth and absolute correctness are everything because when you act from such a position, you're never wrong or have to worry about pain or misfortune... and this is a perspective that we'll fight for tooth and nail!

5. Why Change a Good Thing?

Predictability and surety are beautiful things. With them, you always know where you stand and what to expect. Not to mention, it's just the most efficient way of going about things. Changes often bring challenges, uncertainties, and upset the order of things. As a result, you should expect your INTJ to like to keep things a certain way all the time. This usually extends itself to the times your INTJ eats meals at, what he likes to eat, and where he likes to keep his personal effects. Some things, especially the small, mundane things, just don't need to be messed with as there's nothing to be gained in doing so.

6. Evolve, Ascend, Transcend

Oh! Psych!

Turns out, not everything in an INTJ's life is stagnant. It's absolutely true that we like to keep our spoons in one specific drawer and fold our socks a certain way, but when it comes to big things, like traditions, we have a tendency to challenge them.

Now, don't think ill of us--we don't challenge traditional beliefs to be upstarts, we usually do it because we don't understand the reason behind it. When I was younger, I would often wear my hat indoors, partly because it was an awesome hat so why would I, but also because the belief that by doing so, it implied I was in a rush to leave didn't really cut the mustard with me. If a hat or jacket is a part of my look, why can't I keep them on regardless of where I go?

But on a different level, INTJs do believe in constantly improving themselves, whether that be by gaining knowledge, expanding horizons, sharpening our brains, or even working out and strengthening our bodies. This mostly has to do with the feeling that being "ordinary" is absolutely abhorrent to us, and we want to do as much as we can to not be like everyone else. Additionally, we're obsessed with perfection and we can constantly see areas in our life that need improvement. We're not the sort of person to say come cliché bull like, "I'm perfectly imperfect"; no, we're much more likely to say "'Nobody's perfect' is just an excuse for laziness". I mean, look at it like this, even if you aim for the moon and miss, you'll still land among the stars.

7. Show Us We're Wanted and Needed

Lastly, when you're dating an INTJ, you'll have be conscious of our Outsider Complex. Truth be told, due to our conflicting thought processes and our exceptionally high standards for everything, it's very easy for us to feel out of place everywhere and as if we don't belong anywhere. Most people can't understand us or are not interested in doing so, and since we don't exactly stick out socially, we often get the feeling that a social gathering would be exactly the same way without us, so why did we bother showing up if no one cares?

This is where Feeling types can shine, especially those who have Fe as their dominant or auxiliary function. INTJs have no difficulty knowing that they're important to the world, that what they can and will do will have an impact, but we also need to know that we have an impact in the personal lives of those closest to us. In order for us to form the strongest bonds with a person, we need to feel needed, wanted, and appreciated. And not just for our mental capabilities, but for everything we bring to a relationship, even the emotional support.

Conclusion

Like I said above, this is by no means an exhaustive or comprehensive list, and in fact, not all INTJs will agree with everything said here. Some INTJs will never understand feelings and some understand them better than most Fe's. That's the most important thing to remember here: MBTI isn't an all-encompassing, cheat code that instantly unlocks the secrets to every person on the planet. However, this should give you a few helpful tips in navigating a relationship with an INTJ.

***

For my next post, I hope to finally have the Gothic Aesthetic of INTJs up. If I don't, then I'll try to get out more Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughts as I am sitting on a mountain of those. 

Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

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Five Reasons Why INTJs Struggle with Dating

Hey, everyone.

So this post is a bit of a doozy. I knew what I wanted it to angle toward, but I had no idea how to do it, make it cohesive, and make it appealing to other people. That's rather ironic because when I came up with this post, it was during my own eureka moment in which I realized I didn't care... well sort of. Eventually, it occurred to me that I should tell you all about my eurek-ous discovery by making it one of five reasons why INTJs have problems with dating. Now, all these reasons are legitimate, and there are plenty more, and even googling "INTJ and dating" yields some interesting results itself, but my post will focus itself on these select few. 

1. No Reason to Care

This was my eureka moment. See, there was a cute girl at work whom I wanted to court. Unfortunately, she was resigning, so I had to be quick in my approach. On her last day, I was going to lightly tease her about how I could take her out to mark the occasion, but since she hadn't followed through on coming to my young adults group, she obviously couldn't keep her word, which would light a fire under her ass to keep this commitment. Anyway, the day arrived and I had wanted to talk to her, but as she was talking to another co-worker, something in me snapped. Their conversation was inane--really inane--and a part of me didn't care. Like, really didn't care. It told me to leave and I did, but I immediately rued my decision because... I still cared. How is that possible?

Well, in the days that followed I realized that I cared about dating her, but I didn't care about any of her stories or happenings in life when she hadn't shown any interest in me. I mean, I would care about such things, but first I would need a commitment from her.

This may sound confusing, selfish, or ass-backwards, but I think INTJs suffer from this duality in many of their interactions with others. We're not incapable of empathy, but if someone isn't willing to put the effort into it, whatever "it" is such as a relationship, fixing their lives, or improving themselves, then we're not going to waste our time and energies being concerned for that person. They've made their bed, and they can lie in it.

And so too it is with dating or courting. We do care for our partners--more than you can imagine--but we're not going to give just anyone the time of day. Our attention and concern has a price, and if you're not going to pay, we ain't selling.

2. Selective

In the past couple of days, I've seen a handful of videos on YouTube going into why dating in the modern world is so difficult. Despite whatever the presenter of the vid says, the comments are chock-a-block full of MGTOWs laying the blame squarely at the feet of women, claiming their standards are too high and unrealistically so. I've seen the comment "80% of women are chasing 20% of the men" more than once.

Now, this doesn't mean we shouldn't have standards. In fact, I saw plenty of men commenting with their required standards for women which included things like "having no more than 5 sexual partners" and "not having children outside of wedlock." In fact, these are standards I can get behind, although I would change the former comment to "having no more than 1 sexual partner," but most of the grief seems to come from men who claim they are moderately good-looking and have better-than-decent incomes, but because so many women are looking for a loaded Prince Charming right off the bat, these men go without dating.

Perhaps these men are right and many women's expectations are too high, but getting back to the point and as I have said before, INTJs have high standards. We are very selective and exclusive individuals. As it's been said, "all of our friends have passed a secret test." Does this mean INTJs have committed the same folly as so many women in the world? Perhaps, but considering there are INTJs out there who have found meaningful relationships, it's more likely that since INTJs tend to, or at least try to, live up to their own standards, we have less trouble finding someone to match our standards because both partners share the same mentality.

But my point is that INTJs are selective, and in a world where more and more people are willing to let themselves go because no one else is bothering, it becomes more and more difficult for INTJs to find someone to date.

3. Different End Goal

Perhaps one of the most curious things I've ever heard and read about relationships is that they should have a goal. Apparently wanting to be in a relationship just so you can have someone to cuddle isn't a goal. That is to say, no dating for the sake of dating. Although I'm fairly certain many people have "happily ever-after" on their relationship to-do list. For most people, that means a lifelong, happy and healthy marriage.

However, INTJs are not most people. Like I've said in other posts, we often take pride in being different. And in my research on INTJs and dating issues, I found a forum where more than a few INTJs were in polygamist relationships, which I find completely unacceptable. The way I see it, if you're a person worth dating, then you deserve to be someone else's one and only, and not being shared. The only people who partake in polygamist relationships are the self-absorbed and the worthless.

But I must admit that I don't necessarily fit the mold of the ideal conservative boyfriend/husband. Men who are raised in conservative and/or practicing Catholic/Christian households are expected to do certain things in a marriage. Most notably, it's expected of us to have children, to work at least a standard 40 hours a week, and allow our wives to be stay-at-home mothers and housewives. For myself however, I don't want children, and since my ideal career is that of a writer, I don't want a wife who's only skill is Home Ec. As a writer, I can work from home, and writing is a fickle career--sometimes I write 2000 words in an hour, and sometimes I struggle to write 500 in two hours. But because of both conditions, I am able to stay home and most likely find time to take care of the things that need doing, i.e. dishes, laundry, and cooking.

Although I desire to be married someday, I have no need for a stereotypical housewife or stay-at-home mom, and to be honest, if I'm Stephan King-successful, I'd be downright pissed if my wife did nothing but lounge around all day spending my money. I'm not saying she couldn't have the benefit of my money, but she has to bring something to the table. Even if she doesn't have a career, she still needs a passion in her life. True, you can be passionate about raising children and keeping the house clean and comfortable, but again, that's not my desire despite growing up in a conservative and Catholic atmosphere where I'm likely to find many women like that.

INTJs often don't want the "usual thing," which lends even further to our dating problems.

4. We Do Fine Alone

Perhaps one of the biggest obstacles INTJs face in dating is our proficiency at being alone. While there's nothing wrong with self-sufficiency, it does tend to give off an air of disinterest. Plenty of people like feeling like they're needed, as if they are essential to some sort of dynamic. It's one thing to be wanted, but when you're needed, that means there's something out there that can only be done by you. Hell, even with as much as I scoff at the idea of fate, I still like the idea of being needed by someone.

But INTJs are self-sufficient masters. I once read that INTJs often "convince" themselves that they don't want to be in a relationship, but I don't think that's true. I think many of us want to be, it's just we're not willing to sacrifice the self-sufficiency we've honed over the years to let someone into our lives. It sounds strange for me to cast dispersions on this ability, but a relationship is made of two people. True, one may be submissive to the other, but that doesn't mean the dominant partner rules all aspects of the relationship as if the submissive partner is an inanimate object.

Another issue to this self-sufficiency problem is that INTJs have the "my way or the highway" mentality. Again, this works very well when you're alone; you can make all the lateral decisions you want and only have to deal with the dissatisfaction that comes from a wrong decision from yourself. But when you add another person to the equation, things become a bit more complicated, and INTJs don't really do complex in their social lives.

5. Impatience

I'll admit that I'm not entirely sure about this one, but for myself, I know that I am quite impatient with many social interactions and formalities. The one that really gets me about dating is the "getting to know you" part. The modern dating rules seem to recommend that it is better to get to know a person outside of a romantic scenario before moving onto the courting rather than trying to combine the two. I find this to be absolute rubbish because what's the point then of those first few dates? I thought that was the point.

Another thing that ticks me off is the FORD method. For those who don't know, the FORD method is the recommended way of dealing with small talk. FORD stands for family, occupation, recreation, and dreams. Now, while I love the hell out of the last two,  I don't really care about family and occupation. The reason for this is because occupation tends to be rather simple; not many people have as complicated a career path as yours truly, and the thing about family is that it can take a while--a long while. Families are complicated, there's a lot of history to unpack, especially in a family such as mine. My father is one of ten children and my mother is one of four, three of whom survived to adulthood, and that doesn't even begin to cover my cousins.

The other problem with family and occupation is that they're mundane. People get excited about what they do for fun and what they dream about, but in many cases a person's job is just a job, and as for family, well, to be honest, unless I'm dating you or you're a close friend, I don't really care about your family. That's a case of I need a reason to care, or it needs to be objectively interesting. When I first meet a girl, I'm not really interested in her parents or siblings; I'm more concerned about whether or not we have chemistry. Now, if she and I did have chemistry, then I would be interested in her family because I would want to know what sort of people I could end up calling my "in-laws."

But my point here is that I'm impatient with today's dating standards and rules. I can follow the rules of fifty years ago just fine, but that's because I've got the girl in front of me, I have her undivided attention, and if the date goes well, there might be a kiss at the end of it. With no kiss on the line, what the hell do I care? I know that sounds cold and selfish, but I don't have the patience to muck around with being "friends first." Maybe on a back-up girl, but not on a first choice. Not to mention, I'm not really in a rush to get married. I understand that it can take three to five years to get to know somebody. So I prefer that "getting to know you" period be a part of those three to five years rather than outside of it.

***

Whew! I'm sorry this took so long to write and get out, but it was worth the wait. Even if you don't agree with what I've written, at least it is written well. Even a movie with a terrible plot can be mildly saved if it's technically good.

And if want to make sure you keep getting excellent piece of writing after excellent piece of writing, please join my mailing list. And with the generous support you can give me through Patreon, I'll have a reason to care about how well I write.

For next week, I'm not really sure what I'll do. There is one idea, but I'm struggling with the material, so perhaps I'll cover five jobs that INTJs don't want, but can still do better than you. Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

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Do INTJs Believe in Love?

Hey, everyone.

So in light of it being spring and partially to drum up sales for my book Tales of Romance: Unlikely Lovers, today I'm going to answer the $64,000 question: do INTJs believe in love? But this isn't a simple yes or no scenario. No, the answer is long and complicated, which is quite befitting of an INTJ. So let's get to it. Also, if you guys want to keep up with everything I'm doing, please join my mailing list. Everyone who does will get a sneak peek into whatever I'm currently working.

Or if you're feeling generous, please consider supporting me on Patreon. You'll get to see everything I'm working on there too, but because you'll be patronizing me, you'll get all sorts of extra goodies. Now on with the show.

Do INTJs Believe in Love?

Fighting the Stereotype

If you asked a non-INTJ whether or not INTJs believe in love, what do you think they would say? Well, it would depend on whom you asked. Feeling and Intuitive types are the only two that I can think of who might say yes. Well, maybe Prospecting types, too. But seeing as how Thinking and Sensing types are much more common in the world, then most people are likely to say no. Hell, depending on which INTJ you ask, he's also likely to say no.

But for my part, I do believe in love. And to some extent, I buy into some of the love maxims: "The power of love," "love is all you need," "if you want to be loved, be lovable"...... huh, I guess that's all of them. But like I said, an INTJ's perspective on love is a complicated thing. But before I air my grievances, I really should address the stereotype that INTJs seem immune to love.

Being introverts, INTJs act differently in public than when they're alone. Out in public, INTJs flex their extraverted functions, Te and Se, more so than their introverted functions, Ni and Fi. It could be because we have extraverted thinking and sensing, but it could also be because thinking and sensing are more useful functions out in the world. We've all been in those situations where someone asks, "So, what do you want to do?" and the usual response is "I don't know. What do you want to do?"

While good for a joke or two, this behavior doesn't solve anything or get anything done. In public, decisions must be made and action taken. Someone has to have the cojones to say, "This is what we'll do," and then go do it. This sort of person is very practical and handy. Things are done, and not speculated on. So, if you ask an INTJ in public if he believes in love, unless he has already thought about it, he's not likely to give a satisfying answer. Instead, he's much more likely to say something non-committal and vague.

Or in the case that you're his girlfriend, he'll just kiss you.
Unless you're somewhere very public.

But also because love is something flowery, emotional, and intangible, an INTJ is likely to get embarrassed or annoyed because he's currently in extravert mode and you've just asked him about something that he needs to go into introvert mode to solve, which he's not going to do in public because an INTJ's inner world is where he's most vulnerable. Ergo, INTJs come off like Oscar the Grouch, telling you where you can stuff your belief in love.

But this is only half of the story. It's actually likely to be less than half because INTJs like to use all their functions when making an important philosophical decision that could change their entire perspective. For this reason, an INTJ would be much more susceptible to this sort of question in private where they can use their Ni to explore their thoughts and then use their Fi to make sure they truly feel that way. On top of that, they'll throw in their Te to make sure their thoughts are logical and then use their Se to use evidence from the real world to back up their arguments.

To this end, if given the proper evidence and personal experience, and given adequate time and space to think, INTJs are capable of believing in love. Plus, we're INTJs. We can do anything, dammit!

The Ideal VS the Application

However, having gone through all that, we now come to the part where I get to air my dating grievances, and that is over the ideal of love versus how budding relationships tend to develop.

See, the problem with sayings like "all you need is love" is that they're often contradicted by people's actions such as when they refuse to associate with you in a romantic context when you let the bomb drop that you're broke. This has happened to me twice... within the same month.

Now, some may argue that a man should provide for the woman, and I don't necessarily disagree, but just because you're broke doesn't mean you aren't capable to scraping up money when you need it. INTJs are the sort of people who can go through long, long periods of being broke and not mind because they don't need the money. Apparently, there are some women who mind greatly.

Thus, it is due to such phenomena as this that causes INTJs to get a little jaded. They're otherwise perfect or ideal partners, but because one or two of their values differ from the common perspective, they're rejected. But this doesn't cause INTJs to lose belief in the power of love. No. The actual conclusion they arrive at is that there are people out there who don't believe in love. INTJs do not lose their belief in the impossible, they just think everyone else is too closed-minded or hypocritical.

However, these experiences will have an interesting effect on INTJs. Going back to the financially tapped example, if INTJs ever find themselves in a position of serious bunce, they will no longer be interested in those who once cast them aside. They don't do anything to please others or to be accepted by others--just to prove them wrong. But that's not the end of the story.

Now that they are in a high valued position lacking nothing, they'll take this as an opportunity to conduct several social experiments where they flash their wads, dress nicely, and drive a Ferrari but tell every beautiful woman they meet that they still live with their parents. Similarly, they'll flip it. They'll go out into the normal world dressed in jeans and drive a clunker, but make no mention of how much cheese they actually have just to see how women react when they finally see their great, big ass mansions.

It can't be denied that the role of financial provider is a good place to be if a man doesn't want to spend his entire life making love to himself. However, if a woman tells an INTJ that she believes "all you need is love" and she ends up ditching him when it's revealed he's broke as hell, the INTJ actually doesn't lose anything--it's the woman who becomes the villain. After all, she's the one who's actions contradict her words.

Now, true, some women have never said "all you need is love," and everyone has standards for whom they'll date. But if a person acts contradictory to what they say they believe, an INTJ is not going to believe what they say. People have to make sense. This "all you need is love" ideal versus "No, I actually want you to have money" practice is only one example of how people idealize love and then contradict it when they go in search of it. Some guys want to marry a virgin, but they've been getting laid regularly since they were fifteen, while some women say they want a man who's responsible, virtuous, and stable, and then they f*ck an outlaw biker in the handicap stall.

Meanwhile, the happy, little INTJ continues to hold onto his beliefs until his dying day. It's going to take more than a few assh*les to get him to change his tune. And one day, God willing, he'll be as rich as a king and meet his soul mate--an ENFP. In fact, God made ENFPs so INTJs could get laid--I mean!--so that INTJs could have someone to love.

"Sweetheart to miss, sugar to kiss."

Closing Statement

Well, you guys, that's it for now. I hope this didn't come off as just me making excuses as for why I haven't had a date since 2012. Hell, a couple of times in the past five and a half years, I have had some cheese in my life and still couldn't get a date. I wonder if it's the whole I-don't-want-kids thing. Or maybe it's the I-don't-care-if-I-actually-ever-marry thing. I mean, those are some of the biggest reasons why I don't feel the pressure to actually "make a living." Of course though, there are other reasons why I feel the pressure to make a living.

Anyway, God willing, my next post will be about what INTJs think about during and after making out. In other words, I'm going to tell you guys about one of the two times I made out, and some of the thoughts that popped into my head as I did so. It's sure to be revealing and mildly embarrassing. There might even be some sexy results. But until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

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6 Ways to Be a Good Partner to an INTJ: A "Response" to Truity

Hey, everyone.

So, with today being Valentine's Day, I thought I should do something love themed. Originally, I was going to do a post about INTJs and ENFPs, specifically on why ENFPs are so important to INTJs, but it would be a long post and I ran out of time.

Instead, I found this article "11 Ways to Be a Good Partner for an INTJ in Life and Work" from Truity and I decided to streamline it. I got rid of the "in life and work" perspective to keep this romantic, and there were quite a few redundancies in the original article. Five of their listed items were the same and another two were also the same, so as a result, I narrowed the list down to six. But before I get into this article, I just wanted to remind you all of my Patreon. I know it isn't really geared toward my MBTI audience, but I'm willing to switch some things up if some of you sign up. For just a dollar a month, I can make sure I write quality articles for you guys, especially original material, as I won't need to focus on more mundane methods of getting paid. Also, I'm thinking about launching an INTJ t-shirt line. I've got a few ideas and if the prospect is as promising as it looks, you can expect me to roll on this sometime soon.

Anyway, let's get on with these six ways you can be a good partner for an INTJ.

1. Share your long-term vision.

(This is the one where two items were the same. The other they listed was "Discuss the future.")

So, why should you discuss the future and share your long-term vision with your INTJ? Well, INTJs like to think about the future. They think about it quite often. In fact, I often joke to myself that the reason why I don't have much of a present is because I spend too much time thinking about the future and not doing anything about the future. But this point goes further than that.

INTJs have goals for the future as you are likely to have as well. If you're close to an INTJ, he will want you to accomplish those goals and he'll want to help you accomplish them. By telling him what they are, he can aide you in taking your goals to the next step and accomplishing them. What's more, is that by knowing your plans, it will help him to understand his place in your world and in the relationship.

2. Be prepared to keep up with their formidable logic and willpower.

There are quite a few reasons why they call us "masterminds." One is due to our ability to reason and the other is due to our unstoppable force of a mind. We can jump from information to conclusion to conclusion and from connection to connection faster than most other types. Every little piece of new information and revelation is added to our "database" and our "computer" reaches the next obvious conclusion at the speed of light.

As for our willpower, well, we quite enjoy making the impossible possible or bringing a new premonition to fruition. And part of the reason why we're able to achieve such things is because we're stubborn jackasses. We know what we want and we go for it, acquiring it by almost any means necessary. And the whole time, we focus on it, almost to the exclusion of everything else. (Which can be dangerous.)

For those of you who are up to the challenge, you will need to learn to adapt to these two qualities. It's all right to be a little slow or hesitant in the beginning, but if you want to be our lifelong partner, you're going to need to deal with it, meaning, you either be as quick as us and help us to more effectively concentrate on a goal, or you just wait for us to tell you the answer and allow us to pursue whatever we want by ourselves.

But if you're looking for that true, sweet, and rare INTJ love,
the former option is the way to go.

3. Understand their complex minds.

(This is the one where four other items were listed, but all fall under this idea. They were "Ask them about their 'theory' on everything," "Listen to their contingency plans," "Be prepared to discuss and argue about abstract ideas," and "Be aware that INTJs can take deconstruction too far.")

So, why should you understand our minds? Well, you don't have to. You could "just go with it," but you'll be missing a lot of what makes us who we are, and it'll likely be an end to the relationship. Although, when I think about, it may be impossible for you to completely understand our minds, so why bother trying?

Well, for the same reason you want us to understand you. It makes us feel validated, like we're important. You'll also be aware of how deep and crazy our minds can become. This can be a scary experience for the uninitiated, but if you've been around for a while, you'll learn the difference between when we're just having fun, when we're pursuing something important, and when we're going to hurt ourselves and how to bring us back from the brink. A moody INTJ who has turned his ire on himself is a very dangerous thing indeed.

4. Be straightforward, never be passive-aggressive.

This is sort of ironic advice because INTJs are both straightforward and passive-aggressive. So why should you be any different? Well, there are times for passive-aggression, but when there are real problems, "honest, plain words best pierce the ear of grief" (Love's Labour's Lost). INTJs are the same way in this regard. We're really only passive-aggressive toward people we don't know real well, hate, or find annoying. With those we care about, we're always direct. We may soften our words, if we have some tact, but you can trust us to be forthcoming. And we appreciate the same sort of tact, honesty, and respect from you.

5. Be prepared to earn their trust and loyalty.

Since we're almost always alone, because most other people can't handle us, and because small minds often reject or ridicule that which they don't understand, we don't give up ourselves easily. INTJs are known to be distant, but trust me, we don't want to be. We long for friendship and a significant other as much as anybody. We want to open up, we want to trust, but first, you'll have to earn our loyalty.

You may think that such a condition isn't all that different from other people, but believe me when I say that the tests you'll have to pass for us will be much more intense than the tests others set. Just about every part of who we are is tied to the center of our identities; you cannot remove one part without affecting the whole. Just like how we make connections all over out in the world, we are similarly connected within ourselves. If you're smart, all you would need is a single foothold, a single insight, and you could completely unravel us. It is for this reason that our trust and loyalty is so hard to earn.

6. Be prepared (to be encouraged) to be your best.

INTJs loathe weakness and stagnancy. What's the point of living a life stuck in one place and being dependent on others? Why look up to a hero when you can be that hero? You've likely heard the saying, "Be the change you want to see." Well, INTJs believe in being the role model they'd look up to. But that's a difficult battle, no doubt about it. However, with an INTJ at your side, you won't have to make the journey alone. Every INTJ is striving to be the best version of himself. We seek the highest form of evolution for ourselves, and believe it or not, we strongly desire to see that same evolution for you. We know you can do it. We know you can be better than you, that you can be everything you want to be, and we're going to help you along the way just as you would help us.

Well, there's not much more to say about this. I have written two other similar articles on what it's like to date an INTJ, you can find one here and the other here, but I think this one may be better focused. Anyway, there won't be a second article for this week as I have a few other opera I need to focus on, but next week, I will be covering the top seven gift ideas for INTJs. It should coincide nicely with the fact that my birthday is next week. So, until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

My Opera:

Amazon: My Author Page, My Influencer Page
Facebook: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar
Patreon: Bryan C. Laesch
Twitter: BryanofallTrade
Youtube: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar

Flash Stories & Poetry Day 46: Lyric "Truest Love"

 

Hey, everyone.

So, yesterday's riddle turned out alright. Unfortunately, I'm still feeling depressed so today's poem might likewise be dark and drab.

Wheel of Genres, turn, turn, turn! Tell me the genre I will discern!





Today's style is... Lyric.

I looked at the last lyric I wrote, the High School Crush one from day 20. It was nice and talked about "love." So, I'll give that whirl this time. But, since I'm still in a dark mood, guess what? It's going to be a depressing poem about love... or at the least unexpected.

Thirty minutes on the clock: 30:00. And... go.

For whom doth my heart sing and meet my love,
That one maiden for whom my heart is behove?
In sooth, she is a lass of utmost value,
With mild wit, strong virtue, and a beauty, too?

Nay, I can't say, for no such girl is part
And privy to the depths of my heart.
So, what then is my dearest love, that force
Which gives life meaning and secures the course?

Two desires claim not my heart but my mind,
They claim my life and put me in a bind;
One desire is for my art, that blighting,
Biting, blessing style known as writing.

Within the craft and smithing of words,
That is where I can find one of my lords;
But what of the other? What other desire
Could claim me and set my soul afire?

Why, that desire is for one above all,
A temptation that has made many men fall;
My greatest yearning is for liberty,
Aye, my greatest desire is to be free.

I look through the world and see naught but chains,
People leading lives trapped within reins;
What would I do for freedom is the question,
Why, I would surrender all my possessions.

The freedom to write is what I desire most,
That would be a life worthy of boast;
Losing this freedom is what I fear,
I cannot surrender that which is most dear.

***

 

Unfortunately, I can't say stop the clock as I definitely wrote past time. I also got distracted toward the end with a phone call and then I got sucked back into the job search. But, this poem, some parts of it are pretty muddled and just sort of "enh..." But there are other parts that are really good. This could be reworked into something dynamite.

 

Also, it's 100% true. I don't have a girlfriend, and my greatest desire is to the have the freedom to write, but looking for and having a job is causing me a lot of distress. You should see my eyes; I have these huge bags under them. But, I think a lot of the poetry I've written recently about my money and writing woes say more than my eyes ever could.

 

But anyway, that's it for today. If you want to use the wheel I made, you should be able to access it here. And if you have the time, please check out my books for sale on Amazon which you can find through my author page. The link is below. Also, I reworked my Patreon page, so why not give it a look and consider becoming my patron. I would appreciate it.

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

My Works:

Amazon: My Author Page, My Influencer Page
Facebook: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar
Patreon: Bryan C. Laesch
Twitter: BryanofallTrade
Youtube: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar

Flash Stories & Poetry Day 42: Free Verse "Lost Souls"

 

Hey, everyone.

So, I wanted to do something different today. I really am not big on free verse because it doesn't rhyme, but today I feel the necessity to write some of it, specifically about some of the things that are causing me to feel lost. As a result, I kind of feel like a "lost soul," hence the title of this post. So, let's get on with it.

Today's style is Free Verse.

Thirty minutes on the clock: 30:00. And... go.

Within the desires of the world,
    I am lost.

Within the desires for self,
    I am lost.

Within the feelings of what
          the world tells me is true,
    I am lost.

Is there no one out there who thinks like me, who acts like me, who is lost like me,
    who I could be my companion?

We may be lost, but at least, we're lost together. Lost within a world that has lost
    its meaning like a devil seeming within, without, its own dreaming.

Lost souls... are we dead to the flow of time... past, present, and future?

Lost souls... are we meant to live... without our meaning?

Lost souls... is there some meaning... in our suffering?
    ...or are we merely lost?    ...and meant to wander... ?

Misery loves company but loneliness shunned...

Meaning needs direction but direction abounds when significance forgotten...

Torture of the soul found in chains; liberty desired, ego fails, liberty falls.

I am lost for expression...

Where is my love? A lost soul... for me...

Does anyone understand this heartache... this burden... ?

I am lost for... expression... affection...

    Expression...

        Affection...

***

 

Stop the clock. Thirteen minutes left. Well, that was drab. At one point, I felt like I was getting at what I want, but I think I lost the plot halfway through. I probably should've written what I was feeling last night so I didn't lose the feeling. I still feel lost, but this isn't exactly how I wanted to say it, but it is all in there: loneliness, suffering, lack of meaning in life. I hate being this drab and melodramatic, but when you've been screwed by life and you're facing imprisonment of the soul, it's hard not to be dramatic.

 

Anyway, that's it for today. If you have the time, please check out my books for sale on Amazon which you can find through my author page. The link is below. Also, I reworked my Patreon page, so why not give it a look and consider becoming my patron. I would appreciate it.

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

My Works:

Amazon: My Author Page, My Influencer Page
Facebook: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar
Patreon: Bryan C. Laesch
Twitter: BryanofallTrade
Youtube: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar