Do INTJs Believe in Love?

Hey, everyone.

So in light of it being spring and partially to drum up sales for my book Tales of Romance: Unlikely Lovers, today I'm going to answer the $64,000 question: do INTJs believe in love? But this isn't a simple yes or no scenario. No, the answer is long and complicated, which is quite befitting of an INTJ. So let's get to it. Also, if you guys want to keep up with everything I'm doing, please join my mailing list. Everyone who does will get a sneak peek into whatever I'm currently working.

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Do INTJs Believe in Love?

Fighting the Stereotype

If you asked a non-INTJ whether or not INTJs believe in love, what do you think they would say? Well, it would depend on whom you asked. Feeling and Intuitive types are the only two that I can think of who might say yes. Well, maybe Prospecting types, too. But seeing as how Thinking and Sensing types are much more common in the world, then most people are likely to say no. Hell, depending on which INTJ you ask, he's also likely to say no.

But for my part, I do believe in love. And to some extent, I buy into some of the love maxims: "The power of love," "love is all you need," "if you want to be loved, be lovable"...... huh, I guess that's all of them. But like I said, an INTJ's perspective on love is a complicated thing. But before I air my grievances, I really should address the stereotype that INTJs seem immune to love.

Being introverts, INTJs act differently in public than when they're alone. Out in public, INTJs flex their extraverted functions, Te and Se, more so than their introverted functions, Ni and Fi. It could be because we have extraverted thinking and sensing, but it could also be because thinking and sensing are more useful functions out in the world. We've all been in those situations where someone asks, "So, what do you want to do?" and the usual response is "I don't know. What do you want to do?"

While good for a joke or two, this behavior doesn't solve anything or get anything done. In public, decisions must be made and action taken. Someone has to have the cojones to say, "This is what we'll do," and then go do it. This sort of person is very practical and handy. Things are done, and not speculated on. So, if you ask an INTJ in public if he believes in love, unless he has already thought about it, he's not likely to give a satisfying answer. Instead, he's much more likely to say something non-committal and vague.

Or in the case that you're his girlfriend, he'll just kiss you.
Unless you're somewhere very public.

But also because love is something flowery, emotional, and intangible, an INTJ is likely to get embarrassed or annoyed because he's currently in extravert mode and you've just asked him about something that he needs to go into introvert mode to solve, which he's not going to do in public because an INTJ's inner world is where he's most vulnerable. Ergo, INTJs come off like Oscar the Grouch, telling you where you can stuff your belief in love.

But this is only half of the story. It's actually likely to be less than half because INTJs like to use all their functions when making an important philosophical decision that could change their entire perspective. For this reason, an INTJ would be much more susceptible to this sort of question in private where they can use their Ni to explore their thoughts and then use their Fi to make sure they truly feel that way. On top of that, they'll throw in their Te to make sure their thoughts are logical and then use their Se to use evidence from the real world to back up their arguments.

To this end, if given the proper evidence and personal experience, and given adequate time and space to think, INTJs are capable of believing in love. Plus, we're INTJs. We can do anything, dammit!

The Ideal VS the Application

However, having gone through all that, we now come to the part where I get to air my dating grievances, and that is over the ideal of love versus how budding relationships tend to develop.

See, the problem with sayings like "all you need is love" is that they're often contradicted by people's actions such as when they refuse to associate with you in a romantic context when you let the bomb drop that you're broke. This has happened to me twice... within the same month.

Now, some may argue that a man should provide for the woman, and I don't necessarily disagree, but just because you're broke doesn't mean you aren't capable to scraping up money when you need it. INTJs are the sort of people who can go through long, long periods of being broke and not mind because they don't need the money. Apparently, there are some women who mind greatly.

Thus, it is due to such phenomena as this that causes INTJs to get a little jaded. They're otherwise perfect or ideal partners, but because one or two of their values differ from the common perspective, they're rejected. But this doesn't cause INTJs to lose belief in the power of love. No. The actual conclusion they arrive at is that there are people out there who don't believe in love. INTJs do not lose their belief in the impossible, they just think everyone else is too closed-minded or hypocritical.

However, these experiences will have an interesting effect on INTJs. Going back to the financially tapped example, if INTJs ever find themselves in a position of serious bunce, they will no longer be interested in those who once cast them aside. They don't do anything to please others or to be accepted by others--just to prove them wrong. But that's not the end of the story.

Now that they are in a high valued position lacking nothing, they'll take this as an opportunity to conduct several social experiments where they flash their wads, dress nicely, and drive a Ferrari but tell every beautiful woman they meet that they still live with their parents. Similarly, they'll flip it. They'll go out into the normal world dressed in jeans and drive a clunker, but make no mention of how much cheese they actually have just to see how women react when they finally see their great, big ass mansions.

It can't be denied that the role of financial provider is a good place to be if a man doesn't want to spend his entire life making love to himself. However, if a woman tells an INTJ that she believes "all you need is love" and she ends up ditching him when it's revealed he's broke as hell, the INTJ actually doesn't lose anything--it's the woman who becomes the villain. After all, she's the one who's actions contradict her words.

Now, true, some women have never said "all you need is love," and everyone has standards for whom they'll date. But if a person acts contradictory to what they say they believe, an INTJ is not going to believe what they say. People have to make sense. This "all you need is love" ideal versus "No, I actually want you to have money" practice is only one example of how people idealize love and then contradict it when they go in search of it. Some guys want to marry a virgin, but they've been getting laid regularly since they were fifteen, while some women say they want a man who's responsible, virtuous, and stable, and then they f*ck an outlaw biker in the handicap stall.

Meanwhile, the happy, little INTJ continues to hold onto his beliefs until his dying day. It's going to take more than a few assh*les to get him to change his tune. And one day, God willing, he'll be as rich as a king and meet his soul mate--an ENFP. In fact, God made ENFPs so INTJs could get laid--I mean!--so that INTJs could have someone to love.

"Sweetheart to miss, sugar to kiss."

Closing Statement

Well, you guys, that's it for now. I hope this didn't come off as just me making excuses as for why I haven't had a date since 2012. Hell, a couple of times in the past five and a half years, I have had some cheese in my life and still couldn't get a date. I wonder if it's the whole I-don't-want-kids thing. Or maybe it's the I-don't-care-if-I-actually-ever-marry thing. I mean, those are some of the biggest reasons why I don't feel the pressure to actually "make a living." Of course though, there are other reasons why I feel the pressure to make a living.

Anyway, God willing, my next post will be about what INTJs think about during and after making out. In other words, I'm going to tell you guys about one of the two times I made out, and some of the thoughts that popped into my head as I did so. It's sure to be revealing and mildly embarrassing. There might even be some sexy results. But until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

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