Are INTJs Moody?

Hey, everyone.

I couldn't remember what the more interesting topic for this week was going to be, so I decided to go back to this old idea: are INTJs moody? A good number of people would probably say yes, but some would argue that it's a bit more nuanced that that. Personally, it makes me wonder what sort of drunks INTJs are. I wouldn't know since I've never been. The closest I've been was tipsy, and all it did was mildly release my talking inhibition. Anyway...

Death Glare/Resting Bitch Face

People who would argue that INTJs are moody probably use the whole death glare or resting bitch face as their prime evidence. After all, it is one of our most distinguishing characteristics.

But I would argue that there's a difference between the DG and the RBF. The RBF is just the way we look, and the DG actually contains an iota of anger or displeasure. The RBF is more of a neutral face, despite not looking neutral in anyway. Hence, people assume we're actually pissed off.

Making DG/RBF Scarier

What really doesn't help the matter is that the DG/RBF can be made scarier. I don't know if this happens to anyone else, but when I'm running on a lack of sleep, my attitude is far worse for it. I'm far more irritable when I'm tired versus when I'm well-rested. Hell, when I'm well-rested, you might mistake me for an ESFP, if you can catch me in such a rare and very private form.

Anyway, when I'm that tired, my RBF resembles a DG much more, and I really need to be conscious of it because I don't know who I'm offending or scaring off as a result. It's especially a concern at church because then people make all sorts of assumptions about you, and your mother calls you out on scowling and your best friend calls you grumpy... Like I said, less sleep equals more irritable.

No Tolerance for People

However, what I really think is the cause of why people might assume INTJs are moody has to do with the fact that we're not people persons. Some people think socializing is our kryptonite--I disagree. Socializing is easy--it's people that suck. Some of them are kind of dumb, they lack perspective, and some of them are genuinely annoying. Sure, once in a while we get the urge to be social, but most of the time, if someone walks into the room, we walk out of it, and nothing says "I hate you" quite like leaving the room just as someone enters.

We Don't Wear A Mask

I don't think INTJs are moody... for the most part. I just think we enjoy our solitude and since most people don't meet our high standards, they aren't likely to see us as not moody.

The part of the equation that I just thought of, is that because INTJs don't abide by typical socializing standards, we're not likely to act happy when we're not--INTJs don't wear masks. If we're tired or unhappy, we look it. And because INTJs don't sleep all that much, due to all the ideas we get, we constantly look tired and are unhappy because of it. So... maybe we are moody. Huh.

Gothic and Angsty Mind

But something I want to cover real quick, and I'm not sure if other INTJs have this going on for them, is that I know for my part that I am quite Gothic of mind. Now, that doesn't mean that I enjoy being depressed or that I think having fun and smiling are terrible--I just have a penchant for the darker stuff. As I've said elsewhere, in my heart of hearts, I'm just an angsty, emo Goth kid. So perhaps other INTJs aren't thought of as moody--it's just me. Course though, that would contradict the lack of sleep argument, so who knows.

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And that, as they say, is that. I don't think we're any more or any less susceptible to being moody than other people, but we almost certainly don't bother to hide it. But anyway, if you enjoyed this post and you want to stay in the loop with whatever I write, please consider joining my mailing list or even supporting me on Patreon. $1 a month keeps me from doing "real" work, and I really appreciate that.

For next week, I'm going to go over what INTJs are afraid of. I've already got a list with five items on it, so this article is already shaping up.

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

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Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughs #3: Others' Emotions

Hey, everyone.

I'm back with another Quick and Dirty INTJ Thought. This one is all about others' feelings. Yuck!

Explanation

It is often said that INTJs can't read or predict people's emotions. This is pure crap. Of course, we can. It's not rocket surgery or brain science. It doesn't take a genius to know that no one likes being called "fat," even said person is severely obese, it's not that hard to work out that a woman doesn't like having her outfit criticized if she went to great lengths to dress herself up, and it's not that difficult to assume that an artist would be angry if you told him you could crap a better painting.

I'm not sure where the stereotype originates that INTJs can't read of predict people's emotions. I figure it mostly comes from our passive faces after laying down the factual truth about what's wrong with a person. In society, it's rude to point out a person's flaws, regardless of how honest or factual those points are. And since most people are bothered by confrontation, or even flustered glares and crying, they stray away from laying down the truth.

But here's the thing though, once in a while I find an image on Pinterest that says, "Don't tell anyone your problems. 80% don't care, and the rest are happy you have them." INTJs take notice of that 80%--we see them quite clearly. Hell, we ask ourselves if anyone actually cares how we are when they ask us.

(Side note: It would make for an interesting social experiment to just make up some crap the next time I get asked and see if I can't discern the difference between faked or real compassion. Like, if I told my bank teller that I was having a bad time of it because I haven't been laid recently, would she care enough to volunteer her own body or a friend's to make up for my bad time? Probably not, but I'd love to see her reaction.)

Getting back to the point, it seems to me, an INTJ, that if people did care about your problems, they would try to fix them in some way, according to their own power and ability. As for the schadenfreude people, I'm not sure if they're actually happy that we have that problem or if they're just relieved it isn't them with that problem, either way, it's not good.

So, you know, INTJs see all this crap and think this crap, and we don't bother putting in the work just to seem polite. If we do, it's mostly because it makes our lives easier or less inconvenienced. But for the most part, to us it's all about honesty. We'd prefer honest apathy to false compassion, just like how a salesman prefers an honest "no" to a lying "maybe." We've both got business to conduct, and we don't want to waste our time with people who don't care about our business.

But INTJs can totally read and predict people's emotions. We just think you're better off telling someone who actually gives a damn because God knows we don't.

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If you enjoyed this quick and dirty INTJ though and you want to stay in the loop with whatever I write, please consider joining my mailing list or even supporting me on Patreon. $1 a month keeps me from doing "real" work, and I really appreciate that.

For next week, it's hope that I'll cover the seven reasons why it's rewarding to being friends with an INTJ, but we'll see. But until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

Amazon: My Author Page
Facebook: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar
Patreon: Bryan C. Laesch
Instagram: Bryan C. Laesch
Twitter: BryanofallTrade
Youtube: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar