22 People Share The One Thing They Wish The INTJs In Their Lives Understood: A Response to Thought Catalog

Hey, everyone.

So, I know I said I was going to allow to the INTJ posts to suffer a little, but I still need to put something out on the INTJ front and I haven't done much with the blog in the past few days due to the holiday, so something is due despite my job search and the other thing I should be writing for RWBY. Anyway...

So, I was going to do another response post, but I got distracted by Pinterest and I found another article that got me really fired up from Thought Catalog called "22 People Share The One Thing They Wish The INTJs In Their Lives Understood." So I've decided to respond to this one instead.

1. “You’re a brilliant group of people. But sometimes things don’t need to serve a purpose to have a place in your life. Try to enjoy some things just because.” –ENFJ

 

This is a paradox because enjoying something just because is a reason despite not appearing to be a reason. Doing something or enjoying something for the sake of something is still something. And generally, whenever someone enjoys something for the sake of it, it's because they enjoy it to some extent meaning it's either fun or a diversion, which again, is a reason and not an un-reason. So, eat us.

 

2. “Emotions aren’t as scary as they sound. I promise. Stop being an android.” –ESFP

 

Sounds to me like this ESFP doesn't understand INTJs in the least. We do have emotions, but for several good reasons, we keep them hidden. And, being called an "android" offends me. So, eat me.

 

3. “Don’t be condescending to others, I know it is easy to write everyone off as idiots, but sometimes others have valuable points of views as well.” –INTJ

 

This is decent advice, but if you act like an idiot, expect to be treated like one.

 

4. “I get that feelings are weird for you to express, but you have to give me SOMETHING to work with here. I’m trying to get to know you!” –ENFP

 

Look harder. Emotion can be found within bland statements of fact. Both beliefs and ideals can be found in statements that don't possess any emotion, but looking beyond the surface can bewray emotion. And that is a way of getting to know someone. Sounds to me like you're not the most perspective or introspective person.

 

5. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes, even you. Also, don’t be so hard on others. Everyone makes mistakes, even you.” –INFP

 

Sure, everyone makes mistakes, but that doesn't make them acceptable. Mistakes cost time, money, efficiency, understanding. They should be avoided and eradicated at all costs.

 

6. “Just because I’m an extrovert doesn’t mean you can’t hurt my feelings!” –ENFJ

 

I don't know what sort of knob did that to you, but on the behalf of all INTJs, I'm sorry. Though, it's not likely an INTJ hurt your feelings because you're an Extravert, it's more likely to be because you presented yourself as a people person or one of those types who are always happy or wastefully cheerful. If you want to be treated like a human, act like a human. Humans are not one-dimensional. 

 

7. “Your mind is incredible. Please share your thoughts with the world. Your mouth is quiet but your mind is loud with ideas and theories and ambitions. Don’t hide these from a world that so desperately needs them. And, please take it easy on us Feeling types. We need people like you to keep us together.” –ENFP

 

Well, I appreciate the first half, but if people aren't going to stop and ask for our advice, we're not going to share, and we're not going to be able to if you don't shut up long enough for us to jump into the conversation. As for keeping you together, we only have so much patience. Sure, we breakdown and lose it too, but if you're an absolute mess when you fall apart, we're not going to deal with it. Especially if it happens often or in cycles. We've got better things to do. Clean up after yourself.

 

8. “Don’t be so cynical. Try to access that introverted feeling function.” –INTJ

 

I don't have a response for this.

 

9. “You’re smart and I like that. But we’re never going to get along if you insist on behaving like a know-it-all. Please show some respect to the rest of us.” –ISFJ

 

While not even other INTJs will put up with INTJ know-it-alls, keep in mind that respect is earned, not given. You want to be respected, do something that is worthy of respect. On the other hand, if you're being perfectly reasonable and someone still isn't respecting you, walk away. You don't need to waste your time with that person.

 

10. “Warmth does not equal insincerity. If you take time and get to know us better, you will be surprised at how similar we actually are.” –ENFJ

 

True, but unless you're in a relationship with us or close to us, you're not going to get sincere warmth. You get one or the other, not both, especially in a professional setting. And unless we see the value in getting to know you better, we're not interested regardless of similarities.

 

11. “It’s ok to feel hurt. You don’t have to disguise your hurt with anger or by pretending you don’t care.” –ENFP

 

It's not okay. It's messy and time-consuming. It distracts from the business at hand. It's inefficient. As one who has suffered greatly from a sort of hurt recently, I can tell you that I would do and give anything to be over it. I hate it. I want it gone!

 

12. “People who are more vulnerable and candid are more likable; be more authentic, and you might get more accomplished.” –ENTJ

 

Well, I have heard this elsewhere, so it's probably true. And believe me, by keeping this blog, I have allowed a truly unique opportunity for others to see into the mind of an INTJ. This is a type of vulnerability and candidness that you cannot buy from INTJs. However, don't expect this intimate of a perspective out in the world. INTJs are better at expressing themselves through writing than through speech, and one of the reasons for that is because I'm not talking directly to someone. It's much more difficult to say these sort of things to someone's face than through a screen.

 

Also, INTJs will carve their own path their own way. We will force our way. Our wills are indomitable.

 

13. “Man I love you for your raw passion. Few people do intensity so well. But sometimes you hide behind these webs of rationalization, and you spin yourself so deep I can’t figure out where we started or where we’re going. Slow down. Feel the world, but don’t let its chaos overwhelm you. Drink water. Stretch. Take a walk. Cry. It’ll be okay.” –INFJ

 

First, you praise the strength of our intensity, and then you tell us to lighten up. F*ck you. Also, if you can't keep up, that's your issue, not ours. If we like you, we'll happily explain it again, but after a while, if you still don't get it, just go with it or, if you can't stomach that, walk away. We don't expect anything from you that we don't expect from ourselves.

 

14. “Don’t be so quick to assume that you are always the smartest person in the room. Being harshly critical of others is not always a socially intelligent move. And social intelligence gets you places.” –ENFP

 

I personally don't always assume myself to be the smartest person in the room. I mean, I do feel special in some way that is far and away very different from everyone else in the room, but I'm not usually thinking about other people's intelligences unless they've just said something smart or stupid. But, social intelligence, like I told the ENTJ, we'll carve our own path our own way.

 

15. “Lay back a little, not all of your time needs to be productive, some of the best moments happen when you are chilling and realize something.” –ENTP

 

Dude, we play video games and read. What more do you want?

 

16. “There is more to life than straight lines and lists. Some problems don’t have three-step solutions. And I know you know that, but please try to let it resonate in your heart, not just your cranium, as impressive as it may be. You’re more than your brains. Don’t be afraid to break rules, or at least bend them. Please.” –ISTP

 

The thing about this critique is that it inherently pisses me off because it feels like a direct criticism, as if we can't solve everything with our approach, even though, in theory we should always be able to. But on the other hand, I know all too well what ISTP getting at.

 

I don't always follow my rational mind when it comes to making to decisions. You know that "sort of hurt" I mentioned earlier? Part of its origin is that I was acting logical when I didn't want to act logical, and it made me feel trapped. And while there are a lot of big things you should never do an INTJ, taking away our freedom is one of the biggest and most important.

 

So, when we take away our own freedom, you can't imagine a deeper well and stronger form of self-loathing. My whole life, I've never related to the character George Bailey from It's A Wonderful Life, in fact, I don't even like the movie that much, but this Christmas, it hit me right in the feels. I was brought to f*cking tears. I know all too well the desire for escape no matter what the cost. Even at the destruction of my own life and the betrayal of everyone and everything I care about.

 

17. “Being perfect is an impossible dream.” -ISFJ

 

Hold my beer, and watch this.

 

On a more reasonable note though, there's a saying I like, "Aim for the moon, because even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." So, don't get in the way of my pursuit for perfection. Regardless of where I end up at the end of it all, it'll be somewhere far greater than if I had never tried.

 

18. “Sometimes you need to decide if you want to be right or if you want to be happy.” –ISTJ

 

No, I don't. I can't. I cannot be happy and wrong at the same time because that means something is fundamentally flawed, and therefore wrong with my thinking or my existence and that cannot be allowed to stand. Happiness, and therefore peace, can only exist when everything is properly in order and aligned. Ergo, being right and being happy are the same thing.

 

19. “It’s ok to not enjoy raucous parties and social gatherings. It’s ok to only be able to bond one on one. It’s ok to have high standards of friendship and value those few close friends intensely. Don’t be bothered by those who may fail to understand and appreciate you.” –INTJ

 

I don't know why an INTJ would say this to another INTJ. Now, if an INTJ didn't know he was INTJ, this advice would do him a lot of good, but once you know you're an INTJ, none of these things bother you any longer because of the revelation of being an INTJ comes with all this insight. 

 

20. “Do not be quick to write someone off if they appear unintelligent. You may miss opportunities to learn things from unexpected sources. Be willing to change your mind about people instead of sticking to your first impression.” –ENTP

 

I don't have a response for this. This is actual good advice.

 

21. “Your friends need your insight; it’s a precious gift meant to be shared. Let it out a little more often.” –INFJ

 

Like I told ENFP above (#7), if you don't ask for it or don't give me the opportunity to share it, you're not going to get it. If you need help, ask for it; if you think someone has something to say that's worth hearing, shut the f*ck up and listen.

 

22. “Not everything in life is factual.” –INFJ

 

That is factually untrue. Everything can be broken down into facts. Anger is anger, and sadness is sad. Those are facts despite being emotions.

 

What you mean to say is that not everything is rational, or at the least, factually rational. Again, going back to my freedom problem, it is rationally irresponsible for me to turn down a job that is such a sure thing especially when I don't have something more reliable lined up, but when I factor in several things about the job I vehemently don't like and I see that job itself as a huge loss of freedom and detriment to my existence in general, then I am compelled to ignore rationality and heed my intuition to flee it.

 

So, that was it. It was a rather interesting experience. The first time I read many of these, I was offended because they felt like personal attacks. It felt like they were telling INTJs to stop being INTJs, and if INTJs stopped being INTJs, we would not be INTJs, and that cannot be. There is no personality better than our own.

 

But, having worked on this for the past hour and a half, I see some of them in a much softer light. Some of them are just pleas for INTJs not to be so rough. Unfortunately, unless you're really close to us, that's not likely to change. But there are still some that just straight up piss me off (#'s 2, 4, 13, 15, 17, 18, and 22). These people either don't know what an INTJ is, don't understand what an INTJ is, or they're immature themselves.

 

But, that's it for now. I hope to have a post out sometime soon about how knowing I'm an INTJ has changed me life for the better as well as a post about why INTJs should be religious. But, I'd like to the former out first because I think it would go well with New Year's. And because I haven't said it to this audience yet, Merry Christmas. And no, it's not late. Ever heard of the twelve days of Christmas? Yeah, exactly.

 

Keep writing, my friends.

 

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The Last and Least Five Ways I Buck the INTJ Stereotype

Hey, everyone

Before I get on with the piece, I wanted to let you all know that my Shakespearean play, The Passion of Gloucester and Sinead is available for free download until Saturday. You can get it here.

Alright, so as mentioned a few times, this will probably the last one of these I do. This is the last and least five ways I buck the INTJ stereotype. By "least" I mean these are things that as far as I can tell don't really help to define what an INTJ is, but for those times when people say that INTJs do/are this kind of stuff, these five don't apply to me.

1. The To-Do List Isn't Complete

INTJs keep a lot of things on their minds such as strange phenomenon or the mysteries of the universe. As a result, they put those esoteric things on their to-do list, along with all the mundane things they have to do, and they end up with long lists. So, there's this belief that INTJs can't sleep until their to-do list is complete. This isn't true for me, and it's likely not true for a lot of INTJs. I believe the reason why is because I'm what 16Personalities calls an INTJ-A.

For those who don't know, 16Personalities adds a fifth dimension to MBTI called Identity and you're either Assertive or Turbulent. If you're Assertive, you don't worry about getting stuff done because you know it will get down eventually, whereas if you're Turbulent, you constantly fret about getting things done. "Turbulent" may seem negative, but have you ever heard the expression "busy people get more done"? That's because Turbulent people are always doing something and make long to-do lists for themselves, but the good news is that they actually get all that stuff done. Getting back to the point, as an INTJ-A, I don't worry if my to-do list is complete for a day or not. Now, there are some things that are necessary to get done that day, but I can rest easy knowing I managed to get most things done for a day.

2. Relating More to the Antagonist

It isn't uncommon to see a lot of antagonists in movies and other media to be INTJs. Why? Well, some of our core traits seem to be antagonistic, such as we ask questions, push boundaries, and test taboos. We're arrogant, we think we're always right, and we're huge loners and sometimes creepy weirdos with very eccentric tastes. And we all have a plan for world domination, even me. So sometimes INTJs will relate more to the bad guy in a movie than to the good guy because the motivations and methods of the antagonist make more sense to us than that of the protagonist. However, this isn't true for me.

Being raised Catholic and now a serious practicing Catholic, I have a very firm idea of right and wrong, good and evil, just and unjust. So while I may see that the antagonist has a good intention or his method is much more efficient than the protagonist's, I still don't identify with the antagonists because they're evil. They kill people and blow stuff up. In general, I don't like villains. I mean the Joker from The Dark Knight is fascinating and really stole the show, but I'm not sure I would say I like him. I'm not sure I would say I like any villains and I really don't understand people who do. Villains are meant to be hated, or at the least, disliked. If you don't hate them, then the writer(s) have failed.

3. Not Into Puzzles

INTJs like figuring things out. We love the sense of revelation or solving a mystery. I'm no different, but in general, I'm not into puzzles. A Rubik's cube, no thanks. A 500 piece puzzle, no way. A Sudoku set to hard or a game of Chess against an expert, I don't think so. I mean, I like the feeling of successfully solving a puzzle, but if it's too hard, I will give up. I've got better things to do than to waste my time on something so frivolous. In fact, I would argue that since my writing can make me money and since figuring out a story is a bit like working out a puzzle, that is one of the few puzzles I can stand, but I would never go to a game shop and ask to see the puzzles nor do I enjoy riddles all that much. Sometimes the logic is just not all that logical to me or it requires more effort than what I'm willing to put in.

4. I Don't Fake Smile

INTJs are known for certain traits. One of them is our death stare. In fact, I have been told by my friend John that I'm "grumpy" and my mother has asked me multiple times why I'm scowling when I have no idea what she's talking about. Other people have accused me of looking pissed all the time. Now, while I would have good reason to be pissed all the time living in the world we do, I assure you I'm not--that's just my face. Some INTJs deal with this by faking a smile--I don't. I tend to wear my emotions on my face. If I'm mad, happy, or sad, you can see it. The only time I practice hiding my emotions or whatever I'm thinking is when somebody suggests something to me. I don't want them knowing what I think so I go completely blank until I've come to a decision. It gives me a slight edge and to see how much they believe in their suggestion. But other than those times, I show what I'm holding because I don't believe in lying.

5. Physical Attraction is Important

There are a couple of sources out there telling people what an INTJ looks for in a potential mate. Many of those sources list physical attraction as being a secondary or lesser concern. Now, while it is true I will take a girl who is a "6" over a "10" because she doesn't ask me to explain myself or to define a word for her while I'm pitching woo, but I'd rather have a girl who is a "7" or "8" if it meant she wasn't as intelligent as the "6". True, physical beauty is only skin deep and it is paltry compared to all the other qualities I want my ideal woman to have, but I have to look at her some time. This isn't Fiddler on the Roof where we're more worried about getting a spouse than what they look like. So, physical beauty is a concern for me when I look for a romantic interest. And in fact, next week I'll be looking at an article done by INTJ Vision where they listed the top 10 qualities INTJ men look for in a girl. And I know on that list they put physical beauty quite far down, but for me, it isn't.

Well, that's it for this week's dosage of INTJ Theory. If you felt like this article was lack luster, I heartily agree with you. I really didn't enjoy writing it, but I promised it, so here it is but at the same time, I'm sorry. Hopefully things will be better next week.

Keep writing, my friends.

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Five More Ways I Buck The INTJ Stereotype

Hey, everyone.

Honestly, I don't remember what I promised to write for this week's INTJ article, but I think I said I'd be doing...

If you'd like to read the original, you can find it here. But to be honest, some of these were really hard to come up with. I was really scraping the bottom of the barrel for ways I buck the INTJ stereotype, but I did manage to come up with ten altogether. However, I decided to save five of the least ways I buck the stereotype for the last one of these I'm going to write. So, let's take a look at these.

1. I Understand Social Interactions

The INTJ stereotype says we're all socially awkward as f*ck and don't know how to act in front of people. For me, this isn't true. While people may feel awkward in my presence or around me, that doesn't me I do. In fact, I don't allow awkward silences to occur in my life anymore, or rather I don't allow a silence to make me feel awkward. But, going back to social interactions, events, or functions, I totally understand how to act in them appropriately. This comes from the fact that my parents, while not socialites by any stretch of the imagination, were well bred and know well the formalities of social events and passed on their knowledge to me. Plus, in watching how others interact and being able to read people fairly well, my knowledge and intuition was further extended.

Having said all that, however, this does not mean that I am the smoothest mother f*cker in the room. It all depends on my mood at the time. If I'm tired, run down, disappointed, or feeling unhappy in any way, I won't care what's expected of me. And, there have been times when I've bucked the social conventions of the day to critical acclaim--some of my antics bring forth honest chuckles because of their direct commentary on the situation. So when I'm not feeling it, not only do I not care, but people also encourage me.

2. I Love Hugs

Another part of the stereotype is that INTJs really like their personal space and hate being touched. I can relate especially since I'm a germaphobe and OCD, but I do enjoy hugs. In fact, I take them quite seriously. I've observed them and have examined the best ways to give them and how they should feel. I have even come up with a system for the giving what I call the World's Perfect Hug. However, there is a caveat to this: I only hug attractive women meaning should I join the Free Hugs Campaign, only hotties can hug me. I don't hug dudes and I don't give hope to the hopeless. So, I'm not going around hugging people like an ENFP, but if one of my female friends wants a hug, I'm going to give it to her and I will do so willingly. Now, there are some hugs you can't escape like from family or members in your church who only wish you the best, but for everyone else, there is a standard. If you don't meet it, I'm sorry. But if you do, prepare to meet the world's best hugger.

3. I Don't Play Devil's Advocate

INTJs challenge things; often the older, traditional systems and ways of thinking. Hell, they challenge other people's thinking. There's an image on Pinterest that says something to the effect of "If you hang out with me long enough, I just might convince you to think for yourself." And so, because of this reputation as well as the fact that INTJs are outsiders and sometimes find it amusing to experiment with certain taboos, we have a reputation for debating everything and anything, even if we belong to the opposing side. For me, this is certainly not true. I hate debate because when I come against stern confrontation, I get flustered, angry, and jittery, and I end up forgetting some of my points or the reasons why I believe or think something. And there are some things out there that I find so repulsive, i.e. abortion, porn, drug use, communism, etc, that I won't even mock debate them. I mean, I can, and I would probably win, but I won't.

4. I Don't Hate Talking on the Phone

INTJs keep to themselves. And due to the stereotype that we're socially awkward, we've also somehow developed the stereotype for not answering the phone when people call. And, it's believed that we prefer texting. Again, for me this isn't true. In fact, let me tell you a story: A few years ago when I was still at Wayne State, I needed to see a counselor and I remember thinking, "Why should I schedule an appointment to see a counselor on the computer when I'm going to be on campus tomorrow and I can just do it in person? Plus, there's no way in hell it can be messed up." Well, imagine my befuddlement when I got to the counseling office and the students working there told me I had to schedule an appointment online. I couldn't even do it through them right there. What kind of sh*t is that? If I can get something done in person, it should be done in person. And if not, it should be over the phone. Why are we trusting computers to do it when they are known to occasionally screw up and we can do it ourselves?

The main reason why I have this angle is because I don't want anything to go wrong. As a result, I've begun to hate texting in recent years. I mean, I'm not very popular to begin with, so most of the time, it's a superfluous option on my cell phone plan. The other problem is that meaning can be lost in text and it can take so much time to type a message And! I could be trying to get something else done at the time. I used to have whole conversations through text, but these days I try to avoid them because I don't have the patience and if I really need/want to talk to you, it's just easier to call. Pick up the phone!

5. No One Asks Me For Advice

This is one of those INTJ stereotypical behaviors that I had a real hard time coming up with by myself. But basically, the stereotype is that people are always coming to INTJs for advice. (And then usually the people don't follow that advice only to have it all blow up in their face.) I mean, I have had people ask for my advice, but it's not something I'm known for. No one calls me an advisor or seeks me out to hear what I think. Now, this could be because most of the people I know have their sh*t together and so they don't need advice, or it's because I don't offer advice. In fact, I don't give advice unless directly asked because unasked for advice is one of the most annoying things in the world and the last time someone really asked for my advice, I told her to do whatever she really wanted because I knew which way she wanted to go, I knew that that was the way she was going to go, and she wasn't really listening to what I was telling her anyway. So, if people aren't going to listen anyway, why bother telling them in first place?

Bonus: I Get Angry

That's right; I thought I would include a bonus way I buck the INTJ stereotype and that is that I do get angry. INTJs are known for being very cool and generally unaffected by stressful events. Supposedly we have a long, long fuse until our bombs go off. And this is true for me to an extent, but when something really pisses me off, like city councils helping to organize ANTIFA demonstrations and telling the police to stand down when things get violent, I can get hopping mad and I imagine punching in the faces of all the piss ants who've pissed me off. The chances of me actually exploding out in public are pretty slim, but that doesn't mean I'm not angry. Of the seven deadly sins, I struggle with gluttony, lust, avarice, and vanity, but the only one I really fear is wrath because it has such a hold on me. Sometimes I enjoy imagining all the violent scenarios that go through my head. And to some extent, I do worry what could happen if I ever got so angry, in public, that I would find myself in a colossal brawl because I'm sure it would not go as well as daydreams portray.

Okay, that's enough for now. For next week, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I could do a bit on a theory I had about MBTI primary and secondary personalities. Yes, you read that right, personalities, not functions. In fact, screw all that function crap, it's too complicated. But basically the post would be about how while I am primarily an INTJ, I can become an ISTJ for the sake of survival. That's the theory. So, we'll see. Until next week...

Keep writing, my friends.

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How INTJs Can Ace Social Interactions and Romance

Hey, everyone.

So, continuing with the theme as to why and how INTJs are the best at everything, this week, I'm going to cover...

That's right. Some of you may be calling me a filthy liar stating, "INTJs are terrible at social interactions and completely clueless when it comes to romance! You gotta be sh*ttin' me!" Well, I'm not sh*ttin' you in the least. Believe it or not, some of us are quite skilled with romance and social functions. It's like I keep saying, there's nothing an INTJ can't do. But this of course raises the question how are we able to beat our stereotype and actually be good with such things? And how come the stereotype exists in the first place? The answer to the first one is quite simple; perhaps you picked up on it in the title.

Ace Is High, INTJs Are Wild

Ante up, ladies! We do it through gambling! Wait, no; that's not quite right. But, it does have something to do with acing things. What sort of things? Things like tests and classes. It's no mystery that INTJs are smart and good in school. We're life-long students, constantly absorbing information about every little thing on the planet. In fact, according to the analysis on 16Personalities, they say that if a subject can be taught, an INTJ can learn it.

Now, some may argue that you can't learn romance and how to act properly in a social engagement. To which I say, oh yeah? Then how is it we know which fork to use for salad and which spoon is for soup? How come people don't fart when meeting someone new? How is it that relationships often get better with time rather than worse? Could it be that all these things are learned behavior, or in the case of a relationship, we learn how to deal with our significant other?

All of the above are learned. No one knows that stuff right off the bat. And, there are even books and classes on this stuff. There are etiquette classes one can take, you can buy a book called The Psychology of Likability, and there are tons of books and classes out there on how to pick up chicks and date them successfully. Hell, there are YouTube vids and entire channels devoted to this kind of stuff. It's because of a YouTube channel called Marni Your Personal Wing Girl that I discovered that I was actually afraid to talk to women (sometimes). So, if it can be learned, an INTJ can master it.

But, there's more proof than this. I, for instance, can be quite the charming fellow. Really. But you have to catch me in the right mood. Like a lot of guys, I suffer from that mind-cock blocker where when talking to a girl you really like, you screw up, but when talking to a girl you know you have no chance with or when talking to a girl you don't want to date, you're the smoothest mother f*cker in the land. One time, I was in a flirtationship with an older woman. Well, it's actually happened to me more than once, but in this particular flirtationship, I didn't know the woman was married. I assumed she was because she had children, but I went ahead and flirted with her. Not big flirts with sexual innuendos, but the kind of flirting that is fun and approachable. What happened? Well, she of course blushed from the attention and quite enjoyed it, and once she even called me a "bad boy." I've never been called a bad boy before or since. I'm pretty sure no INTJ has. That might be a world's first.

I have also had real romantic relationships. And they were quite romantic indeed. I dated like four or five girls in 2012, don't ask me how as I've never been able to duplicate that success, but I did. And three of those girls, I cuddled with, two of which happened on the first date. Two of them I even made out with, one of which happened on the first date. And you don't get girls to make out with you when you're weird and anti-social. But, I'm not here to brag, I'm trying to argue that INTJs can dominate romance just as easily as they dominate the ethereal and theoretical. How did I get those girls to make out with me? I was suave and calculating which is very INTJ, but I learned to be that way from observing romantic situations in real life, movies, TV shows, my rare personal experiences, and following my intuition. It's as simple as "I'm going to turn my face toward her when she kisses my cheek so she'll actually kiss my lips," or "I know I'm pretty good with massage, what would happen if I massaged her neck while I kissed her?"

Another source, an article from Thought Catalog, even suggests that INTJs can be great in bed because we see it as another opportunity to prove how exceptional we are. But! All this proof begs an important question: how is it that INTJs got their socially awkward stereotype if they're the coolest people in the world?

Old Habits Die Hard

For starters, INTJs aren't naturally suave. Sure, we can learn how to be suave and how to leverage a situation to our favor, but it's not in our comfort zone. INTJs prefer to be direct. You've probably heard that everyone wears a mask in public, that no one really shows who they are. For INTJs, this isn't true--we do show who we really are out in public, or at the least, we have the thinnest masks. What you see is pretty damn close to what you get. And while we can be suave, we'd rather just tell you what we're really thinking. We can maneuver, but the fastest way to any destination is a straight line. So, we're not prone to "playing the game" regardless of whether it's in romance or at social functions.

Add to this, we spend a lot of time by ourselves. Being in the company of other people does get annoying after a while and we just prefer to be alone. So, there are times when we find ourselves at a social function, and we're just not in the mood. This is probably where people get the idea that we're jerks or douchebags; we're not, we just don't have the patience or energy to pretend otherwise.

For my part, it's not so much that I'm socially awkward, it's more that I don't care or that I prefer to lurk in the background/shadows and observe. And depending on the function, it can be difficult to get a word in edgewise, so it's just easier not to bother and let someone else start the conversation. And when some people do engage me, it's typically in the minutia or the flotsam and jetsam of life, like how I'm doing. Social protocol dictates I don't answer this 100% honestly because I shouldn't burden other people with my problems, but because there are no pertinent follow-up questions to what I say, I don't volunteer any information besides. It's amazing how some conversations just flow when I watch others interact, but when they involve me, it quickly ends. Some people would describe this is as socially awkward. I don't because I don't feel awkward in these situations. If you feel awkward, that's your problem--you deal with it.

Conclusion

And that's really about it. To be honest, I just can't think of anything else to say on this topic. I maintain my stance that INTJs can do anything so long as we can study it and even test it out in a safe environment like a classroom. But, we have to be in the mood to put up with such things. Now, with really close friends, family, and even romantic interests, our patience and effort does go a little further, as is true for everyone, but generally, we're very much into our own ways of doing things.

Next week, I think I'll go over five more ways I buck the INTJ stereotype. The first one I did was quite popular. It's become the most popular article on my blog. What's supposed to be a blog about writing might evolve into a blog all about INTJ junk because, to be honest, ain't no one reading my writing blogs. But anyway, until next week.

Keep writing, my friends.

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The INTJ Mystique

Hey, everyone.

So, like I said last week, this week I'll be focusing on...

Doubtlessly, some of you are quite curious as to what I mean by the "INTJ Mystique." Basically, this post is all about why INTJ's are so damn cool. Sure, we could break down the letters and talk about introversion and intuition, but that doesn't really explain what an INTJ is. It doesn't give an idea of how the letters I, N, T, and J come together and affect each other. So, let me tell you all about INTJ's.

An INTJ is one of the most difficult things to understand. It is a mass of complexes and sometimes paradoxes. They're cold on the outside, but are driven by the hottest of fires on the inside. They live for logic, but possess a strong intuition capable of knowing something without actually knowing anything about it. We hate irrationality and bad grammar, but we also hate feeling like we're being boxed in or that we're bound by rules that don't need to exist.

We abhor the simple, mundane world seeking instead occult knowledge, looking for something  someone may have missed. We even take already well-known knowledge and subject it to our scrutiny just to make sure it is solid. And then, rather than throwing that knowledge away, we store it in our minds and find another use for it, or we uncover how it connects to something else.

INTJ's are outsiders. We're outsiders to the systems that other people live in; systems for how they live, act, work, love or believe. We can see them at work and how they work. We can predict how they affect people and how to use the system to affect people. People don't understand why we don't, can't, or won't live within their systems, but that is precisely why we are needed by society because only we know how to alter the systems or even control the people within them.

INTJ's are unlimited in their abilities. Some will accuse us of being socially awkward and being clueless in love, but this isn't true. Social and romantic interactions can be studied and predicted. And if it can be studied, INTJ's can master it. There are no limits to what we can learn and how to utilize our knowledge. Plus, it would be a great waste of our intuition, the otherworldly quality that grants us a priori knowledge, if we didn't try to master friendships, relationships, and religion. This is what our intuition was designed for. If we can master the ethereal, then we can master the physical.

By being unlimited, we allow ourselves the room to pursue perfection and to always be better than we were. It's why we have immutable principles and ethics, it's why we're so loyal as friends, and it's why we make the best spouses. INTJ's are determined, powerful prodigies. The universe is one big puzzle for us to solve and we will solve it, or die trying. But even that type of death is more rewarding than a life lived chasing the Joneses. "A story is only as epic as you allow it to be." The same is true for INTJ's; we are epic because we allow ourselves to be. We are a whole gaggle of Neo's from The Matrix allowing ourselves to live beyond the rules of what normal humans think is possible.

This is the INTJ Mystique. We are the greatest personality type in MBTI. You won't hear us roar, and you may pass us out on the street and not realize it, but in a subtle, metaphysical way, we will affect you in the greatest way possible.

Well, there's definitely more I can say about the INTJ Mystique, but I will end it there. In fact, I think I will turn this into a book and go into more detail about why we're so damn awesome. For next week, I'm not sure what I will do yet. Maybe I'll expound on how INTJ's can be the greatest friends, lovers, and actors. Or, I'll go into five more ways I buck the INTJ stereotype. But, until next week...

Keep writing, my friends.

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Five Ways I Buck the INTJ Stereotype

Hey there, everyone.

My name is Bryan C. Laesch, and I am an INTJ. I know I am because16Personalities told me so. (I also used to write for them.) And, almost every pin on Pinterest is incredibly accurate when describing me.

But, the thing we have to remember about MBTI is that it isn't 100% accurate. That is to say, MBTI gives us the stereotypes or averages of each personality even if a particular personality isn't average in the least, like INTJ. In fact, I saw an article where a bunch of INTJs were interviewed on how they buck the INTJ stereotype, and I thought I might take the opportunity to add my own tuppence to the topic. So, these are the five ways I buck the INTJ stereotype. Let's get into it.

1. Religion

Yes, I am religious. Well, I don't like calling myself religious because to me only a Bible or a priest can be religious, but, aye, I practice a religion. The particular religion I practice is Roman Catholicism. Some people may find that hard to believe because the Catholic Church seems to have a lot of rules and restrictions, and INTJs are fiercely independent. Surely an INTJ would prefer something a lot less nailed down. I disagree. I think Catholicism is perfect for the following reasons: 1. It hasn't changed in almost two thousand years (J), 2. It has an extensive theology that was built by Aquinas, a man who was more philosopher than theologian (in fact, he was probably an INTJ himself) (NT), and 3. Despite the fact it's called Mass, all religion is deeply personal; it's a relationship between an individual and the divine (that's what Communion is all about) (I).

In fact, I'm not the only one to clue in to this. I found a pin on Pinterest that listed all the possible careers for INTJs, and one of them was Catholic theologian. So, suck on that INTJ atheistic stereotype! (Unfortunately, I can no longer find that pin.)

St. Thomas Aquinas, Doctor of the Church
Wrote the Summa Theologica which contains the Five Arguments
for the Existence of God
I would bet good money he was an INTJ.

2. I Don't Care About Advances in Technology

According to MBTI, INTJs believe in the relentless development of technology. But me, I don't give a sh*t. To be honest, I hate most new fangled gadgets. Some of them are often more finicky or less user-friendly than the last generation's gadgets, updates are constantly being made to programs that don't need them, often times new tech is released full of bugs and overpriced, so it's tactically advantageous not to buy it until the next generation comes out, and I don't give a rat's ass about being trendy. (I had to get a new pair of glasses once, and the saleswoman kept trying to get me to buy one pair over another because the frames were more popular. It also didn't help that she was wearing those frames so I felt like she was trying to subtly manipulate me.) So, I tend to have the perspective of "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

Now, I should mention that I am always looking to make things as efficient as possible in my own day-to-day life which is sort of what the "relentless development of technology" thing is all about--finding the best way to do something, and then improving on top of that. It's entirely possible that the reason why I don't care about the advancement of technology is because I don't know what it could be, or I don't see the inefficiencies in the tech that the designers see. But, you know what they say, ignorance is bliss. Speaking of which...

3. Ignorance Is Bliss

Typically, you'll never hear an INTJ say this. INTJs have an insatiable appetite for knowledge. We take everything we learn and add it to our database where we can break it down and try to connect it to other things in a maddening pursuit of trying to solve the universe. But, there are some things that shouldn't be known, and a wizened INTJ almost assuredly knows a few things he wish he didn't. There are things I wish I could forget, and there are things I'd be happier not knowing, like who Kim Kardashian is. I don't need that in my life. As a result, ignorance can be bliss. My mother once told me that I didn't know what I was missing in regards to how delicious a salad was (I don't eat salad). And to her, I responded, "If I don't know what I'm missing, I can't miss it."

4. I Prefer My Work to Be Something Creative Rather Than Technical

Going back to the list of jobs perfect for INTJs, most of them tend to be technical like computer programming. Now, the reason why these are so popular among INTJs is because they're lonely jobs; you only need one person doing them. And while I think I would be very good at such a job, hell, I was a window cleaner for several months and I enjoyed the solitude of it, but I don't think I could do something technical for the rest of my life. I think my N trait may be stronger than some INTJs as I prefer to do something creative with my life. I want to create and show off the beautiful complexity of a spider web of connections--hence, I write. And since I can do it alone, it helps my Introversion as well.

In fact, someone has speculated on there being four different kinds of INTJs. On the blog, The Way of the INTJ, the blog writer mentioned how there are "subtypes" of each MBTI personality based on Enneagram personality theory and the different "wing" types. Basically, the way it works is that Enneagram splits personalities into 9 basic personalities, but a person can "wing" in a second personality. Think of it like a college major and minor. According to the blog writer, Tess Ellation, the four INTJ subtypes are the Purist (1w9), the Diplomat (1w2), the Arcanist (5w4), and the Genius (5w6). I'm not going to go into them here, but according the descriptions, I'm obviously the Arcanist. But when I took my Enneagram test, I also did really well in category 1. Unfortunately, I can't be a 5-wing-1 because 5 and 1 are not next to each other. Perhaps that's another Enneagram theory that needs to be explored.

Anyway...

5. I Ask Someone If They Really Want My Honest Opinion

One of the most popular cornerstones of the INTJ personality is brutal honesty. Now, I am brutally honest, but I didn't know how brutal my honesty was until I asked a friend why she enjoyed spending time with me (a very INTJ thing to do). One of the reasons she gave was that I tell the truth regardless of whether it hurts someone's feelings or not. This was news to me--I had never heard this, and honestly, I felt bad about it. I wasn't trying to hurt my friend's feelings; she asked for my opinion so I gave it to her.

Are you sure you want to know what I think about that, cupcake?

After that exchange, I'm more careful now about how honest I am with someone. I still have a desire to tell the truth, but I don't want to hurt people. It's tough being criticized, and in my position as a writer, I know that there's a good way and a bad way to do it. You can tell someone the truth without hurting them. And for those times when I know for sure it'll hurt their feelings, I always ask if they really want to know or not. Although, I wonder if part of my aversion to doing so is because I don't want to get wrapped up in another's feelings or emotional sh*t storm. Sometimes it's just not worth disturbing the peace, you know. I've got sh*t to do, and your butthurt could get in the way of my work.

So, those are the top 5 ways I buck the INTJ stereotype. I'm sure there are more, but for the love of me, I can't think of what they are. But, anyway, next time I'll be going over the 10 ways I fit perfectly into the INTJ stereotype. There are more than 10, but I didn't want to overload you guys. If you want more information on INTJs, you can check out the book The True INTJ here on Amazon. According to Amazon, I own it, but I don't remember reading it. Probably because it's only really useful for people who don't know squat about INTJs. Anyway, see you guys next time.

Keep writing, my friends.

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