So, just as promised, here's my post regarding why INTJs are loners. Or rather, five reasons why we prefer to be loners. Originally, I wanted to look at this from an analytic perspective and go over the INTJ function stack discussing how the functions attributed to our lone wolf attitude. But I realized that this method would be easier to write and be easier to understand for those who aren't familiar with the function stack. Plus, this method incorporates the function stack, so we're all where we want to be.
However, I do want to warn you guys that certain reasons do involve aspects from more than one function, so it could get a little confusing in some places. Hopefully, it all works out in the end.
1. (Constantly) Misunderstood
The first and most important reason why we often prefer to be alone is because we are often misunderstood. Whether it be that no one can pick up the big ideas we're putting down (Ni), our awkward social behavior (Te-Fi-Se), or our humor that is often too dark, sarcastic, and caustic for some people (Te-Se), many people just don't get us.
INTJs are different, and it's generally immediately obvious to someone when they first meet us. Since we don't fit in with the common perspective of how the world and people should be, many prefer to leave us alone.
2. Don't Understand Everyone Else
However, it's not just the world that doesn't understand us--we likewise don't tend to understand the world (all functions are used here). We don't understand how people can't see the things we do, like how can they not perceive inefficiency as easily as us. We also don't get how people don't understand our (big) ideas, or we don't get how some people don't seem to be willing to implement them even when they agree that they're good ones. It also bothers us that so many people complain about the same things, but no one tries to fix the problem or try a new approach to the problem. Due to these behaviors, we wash our hands of others and allow them to be the grand architects of their own demise.
3. Prefer the Inner World
INTJs do people watch and we are amazingly in-tune with our external world. If we weren't, we wouldn't have the sick Monk-like detective skills that we're known for having. We are well-aware of what goes on around us (Se). But almost everything in the real world is so damn boring, isn't it (Ni)? I don't understand how people can get so worked up over sporting events. What really bothers me is that they watch them rather than play the sports themselves. I'd rather play any sport in the world than watch it. But unfortunately, for sports, there are plenty of other things I'd rather be doing than watching sports.
This impatience with the material world and being bored with the mundane means that INTJs often look inward. Again, it's our imagination--our Ni--that we turn to. And seeing as how ideas are born of the mind, we focus inwardly and ignore what is outward. As a result, our minds become great sources of entertainment for us, and typically you can't imagine things when there are people around, so...
4. Kind of Assh*les
If you're new to this whole INTJ-thing, it should be obvious by now that INTJs have some very strong opinions. This would be our Te, our desire to see the world reflect what we think it should be because come on, nobody knows better than us. (Most of the time.) Because of this arrogance and the fact that we can't stand seeing the world not be the way we think it should be (Ni-Te-Se), we again wash our hands of it.
5. Too Intense for Some People
Originally this reason was "Too Serious for Some People," but I think "intense" is a more appropriate term. We're still quite serious, but typically only in public. We can be downright goofy in private or when you set us up on stage. But regardless of the situation, we generally have two modes: "Not Interested" and "Go Time." If we're not into something, you'll be able to tell from how bored and apathetic we are. But when we are serious about something, we chase it, and we chase it fiercely.
True, we may not look emboldened or impassioned on the outside, but there's a fire raging on the inside. Anything we're passionate about, we don't do half-assed--we go all the way. As a result, some people can't keep up with this level of intensity. A good example would be an INTJ's morals (Ni-Te-Fi)--we stick to them like glue and never waver. For people who are more "whatev's" about their morals, they will often back out of our way when they realize we're serious about our personal code. This sort of intensity, almost bordering on obsession, can be found in many of our pursuits, and many people don't have the mental capacity to put up with it. Hence, we end up alone.
Bonus: Succeeding Alone Proves Your Strength
They say "there's safety in numbers" and "together we stand." They're not wrong, but the greatest proof of one's strength, especially strength of character (Ni-Te-Fi), can be found in those who often walk alone. They don't have crowds of people cheering them on, supporting them, or showering them with positive affirmations; they're entirely responsible for where they are in life due to their own efforts.
This experience of building oneself up without any help tends to create a perpetual cycle wherein the more a person accomplishes alone, the more he relies on himself, thus becoming stronger, which in turn causes him to accomplish more alone, and the cycle continues.
INTJs who have spent a lot of time alone have proven to themselves time again that they're capable of great things alone, and so they push and criticize themselves more than anyone else, forcing them to go on and prove to themselves even further that they can do "it" alone. As a result, INTJs convince themselves that they don't need anybody in their lives. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing as INTJs still may want someone in their lives, and who wouldn't want to share a life with someone who has accomplished so much alone?
And that is five reasons why INTJs are loners. I'm sure there are more, but these feel like the biggest. Hopefully I was successful in analyzing the functions alongside the reasons themselves. If you enjoyed this post and want to make sure I continue writing, please consider supporting me on Patreon. And if you want to stay in the loop with whatever I write, please consider joining my mailing list.
For next week, I'm actually going to take a look at what it's like growing up as INTJ and how it's different from the average experience. It'll be more of a personal memoir than a psychological analysis, but hopefully it adds something to that article I wrote back in December: How to Spot an INTJ at School, which is my most popular post by the way. But in the meantime...
Keep writing, my friends.
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