Hey, everyone.
So last week when I was thinking about random stuff, I thought about the things that I'm afraid of, not the things that scare me, but the things I'm afraid of. Yes, there is a difference, unfortunately I don't think I can articulate what it is. Anyway, I decided to turn that idea into a blog post, and I came up with five things that INTJs fear. Let's jump in.
1. Loss of Freedom
This is the worst fear I have, and I'm sure other INTJs feel it as well. Despite the fact that INTJs are rooted within the real world and facts, our minds and hearts have a deep and desperate yearning to be free. The real world and facts are part of our Te, which is our auxiliary function, but our dominant function is Ni, and you can't hold good intuition down, no matter how hard you try.
The pairing of Ni-Te is where much of our contradictory nature comes from. We're big into routine and we don't like change or surprises, but when forced into someone else's routine, our souls scream for freedom. I think what we want is for everything to be on our terms. We prefer to keep to a routine--our routine--but we want to have the choice for greater freedom should we desire it. We must have the capacity to allow our minds to wander and explore as it is in those deep and weird possibilities we find our greatest happiness.
2. Not Being As Good As We Think We Are
INTJs are good, and I don't mean that morally. What I mean is that we are competent, capable, and skilled. We take great pride in being able to do things that others can't, or in being able to do things right out of the gate. For this, we do sometimes look down on others. That's why it's so shattering to us when we find out that we aren't as capable as we thought we were.
It really nettles us because we're constantly looking for ways to be better--better than we were, certainly--but sometimes it is about being better than someone else. To know that we slipped up or that we're not as talented as we thought--it's embarrassing to say the least. Especially when you're as arrogant as we are. "Pride cometh before the fall..."
3. Not Conceiving the Most Important Possibility
Imagine the possibilities. Can you? Maybe you can't. I know I can. But there have been times when I've missed something. I recently had a conversation with my friend Jessica about why some girls are so warm towards a guy one day and then suddenly back off. I had come up with a multitude of possibilities, but she explained it as being simply that the women were "trying something out, and decided it wasn't for them." This hadn't occurred to me.
Some people may say that you can't possibly think of everything, but when it comes to INTJs, who plan out everything so meticulously, who have a backup to a backup to a backup to a backup, and who spend so much of their time and energy on thinking and trying to see a scenario from every angle, when we try to be that thorough, it's distressing knowing that we missed something.
4. Being Wrong
This is sort of a combination of #3 and #4, but it can stand on its own in a factual way. So much of an INTJ's life is centered around truth and facts that we're absolutely terrified of being wrong. About what? Everything! Some may be able to take being wrong more gracefully than others, but generally INTJs feel like they have everything pretty well sorted and figured out. Hence, it's embarrassing, and a little bit shameful, when we're wrong.
5. Not Finding that One Person Who Truly Understands Us
I don't know how other INTJs feel about this one, and it's possible I only feel this way because it's summer and my hormones are going wild, but I legitimately fear missing out on the one. I factually don't believe in soul mates, fate, or destiny, but I do long for that one perfect girl who completely understands me. That one person with whom comprehension and intimacy run so deep that our minds f*ck just as hard as our bodies.
I can deal with lesser relationships coming and going, and I do have friends, but none of them truly get me. So I have a strong desire for that one woman who makes all the time I've spent alone and all the time and energy I've invested in improving myself worth it. And it truly scares me that I may never find her and share everything I am and have built myself to be with her. (Oh, look at that. I used "scare." I guess there isn't that much of a difference after all.)
The Themes of Fear
While I was writing this post, I realized something. It's true that some of these overlap, but in the right situation, they are different enough to stand on their own. Because of this duality, there are two central themes running through them all: missing something important and control.
It's been said that INTJs are controlled, and there is a reason for that--we like being in control, specifically over ourselves and our own lives. Life would be so much simpler if we could control every aspect of it. And a part of that control is that we don't want to miss anything important. With the ability to control everything, we control what we know, what we think, what theories can be applied to what parts of our lives, and what we can do. It also prevents us from looking arrogant, because remember, it's only hubris if you fail. And if you control everything, you'll always succeed.
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And that, is that. I'm sorry for the late release but I've been busy with a lot of stuff, like looking for a job. If you hate to see me turning out posts at this greatly slowed rate, please support me on Patreon, and prevent me from getting a real job. And if you want to stay in the loop with whatever I write, please consider joining my mailing list.
For next week, I'm going to try to answer the question as to why INTJs are loners. Should be interesting. In the meantime...
Keep writing, my friends.
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