Do INTJs Have Best Friends?

Hey, everyone.

For starters I would like to tell you guys that it looks like my schedule might get even busier. I was recently accepted by Geeks and Gamers as an article writer and their demands are kind of steep. They want three articles a week, and if I write an opinion post or a review the article needs to be a minimum of 1000 words. News articles can be shorter, but you lump all this in along with my blog, my personal writing, my new job, working out, etc. and there's a lot of stuff going on in my life right now. I decided I would try it to see if I can put up with the pressure and stress--if I can't, I'll resign. This and my novels and stuff is much more important.

Anyway, on to tonight's topic.

Friends

So I've been going through a rough patch with a friend of mine. I considered her a close friend, but it really doesn't seem that way given some of our disagreements recently. Taking stock of my overall friend situation, I question if those I consider my friends are actually my friends. They may consider me their friend, but you know INTJs, we keep people at a distance. This is so we protect ourselves, so when we do finally "let someone in," it's a big to-do. There's no party or cake, but it's a big deal to us. With lesser relationships we can just walk away, but with those who we consider to be our confidants, it's not that simple. And when we can't walk away we feel foolish because that makes us feel soft and vulnerable.

Part of my problem is that "friends" is no longer an easy concept for me. When I was about 11, I had a shrink say to me that my friends were just "acquaintances" because I never did anything with them outside of school. That one statement has f*cked me up for nearly two decades. Ever since then I haven't been sure of who's my friend and who isn't, and finding out I was an INTJ didn't help. I don't want to pigeonhole myself, but I'm afraid I may have as my standards for everything, including what I consider a friend, has greatly risen. As a result, I'm not an easy person to befriend or be friends with.

Part of the friend standards thing is I have an ideal of what it means to be friends. (Everyone probably does.) But unlike some others who accept that their ideals may never be real, INTJs admit to reality while always striving for the ideal, especially when it concerns things they have control of.

Getting back to the ideal friend(ship), if for whatever reason we think the ideal friendship exists or has been found, but something happens and it doesn't match the ideal, that means we're wrong. This particular "wrongness" is quite disconcerting because it means we opened ourselves up under false pretenses, which means there's some very private information out there that shouldn't be. Imagine our panic.

Best Friends

Given this new insight into how difficult it is for INTJs to trust and befriend and be befriended, you can imagine how difficult it is for us to have best friends. Not only is there an extremely high criteria for it, but it also comes with a level of trust and support from us that if you betray, your f*cking head will roll. Maybe not literally, but there will be a sh*tstorm of homeric proportions.

So, going back to my original question: do INTJs have best friends? Answer: It's possible, but not very probable. That level of trust does not come easily. Regarding my current friend and the troubles I've had with her, I've begun to re-evaluate things on multiple levels. Why? I don't know, but after reading up on the difficulties surrounding opposite-sex friendships and the "friend zone," I think her sex is definitely contributory to our problems.

Final Words

Despite my problems the conclusion is that INTJs can have friends and even best friends, but it is not an easy position to obtain. One meme on Pinterest says, "If you're friends with an INTJ, you're not an average person," and that's very true. But given who my friends and my "friends" are and why I consider(ed) them friends, that statement is still true, but applies to fewer people in my life now. Don't misunderstand me--I have greatly appreciated the companionship offered by my FINOs (friends-in-name-only), but if things don't match what I want/need, something needs to change.

One more thing: It absolutely blows an INTJ's mind when there's someone out there who actually looks forward to seeing us. We know how big of a pain in the ass we are, and if we were our friends, we'd have quit on ourselves a long time ago. So whenever someone does put up with us and stays by our side, we're deeply touched and grateful. It's something we deeply desire, but it's not something we expect to happen.

***

I apologize for this post being all over the place and for the paragraphs being long, but it's an emotional time for me, and being an INTJ, I have a lot of thoughts about it and a lot of feelings that I tend to suppress. And if you want to make sure you never miss another messy emotional moment of mine, please join my mailing list, or if you want to make sure I keep writing despite whatever displeasure life throws at me, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Even $1 a month cheers me up.

As for next week's post, I'm still in that creative, emotional purgatory. I'll probably cover what INTJs look for in a relationship, and that'll cover both friendships and dating. And I apologize if it's late because I'm writing for Geeks and Gamers. 

Keep writing, my friends.

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How Would An INTJ Propose?

Hey, everyone.

I'm sorry this didn't go up last week like it should have. My life has been in a real state of transition lately what with getting the new computer, transferring over files, running a criminal enterprise on GTA, and the fact that two weeks ago I was simultaneously looking after my uncle's dogs and my sister's rabbit. Obviously, there hasn't been too much time to sit down and write. This will be the first blog post done on the new computer--but that's not much of a milestone since I'm still using my old USB keyboard.

Speaking of blog posts, I know I promised that one where I write about what it's like to grow up as an INTJ and when it was that I realized I was different, unfortunately, it may not be that interesting or as intensive as I thought. So until I'm ready to really tackle that bad boy, I came up with all sorts of other topics to cover, not including my Being A Writer, Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughts, and Weird Moments with INTJ meme posts. So, what do I have for you today?

One of my friends recently got engaged, and I've always (secretly) been a romantic at heart--two of my favorite animes are technically romantic comedies--and when we went for a walk last Saturday, I asked her about her ring. She then launched into the story about how her fiancé proposed to her, and later that night or the next, I started to think about how I would propose and how it may be different from a typical proposal. So, how would an INTJ propose?

Pre-Req's

Where I come from, engagement is a big deal--a big f*cking deal. Being raised in a traditionally Catholic family where we kinda-sorta look down on divorces and second marriages, we take this marriage business very seriously. As a result, it's not something that we, or myself, go into willy-nilly. There are several pre-requisites that need to be addressed first.

Time

I once saw a statistic on Pinterest that said it takes 3 to 5 years for you to completely know a person. Given this information, I would like to know my future bride for at least 3 years first. I know given my age, 29, that that isn't necessarily ideal. If I were to marry a girl my own age, she may feel a little more rushed to get it over and done with, but I won't be rushed--I'll have my courtship first.

Love

Obviously if we're getting married there should be love or some sort of affection between us. Having never been in love myself, I'm not sure if I know what to expect. My Old Man once told me that if he were to describe love to me, he would use song lyrics to do so because it does feel like that.

Although, I once met a priest who said that he always interviews new couples before they get married, and one of the questions he asks them, individually, is to describe their love for their future spouse. He said one of the stupidest answers he ever got was "She completes me." Fr. Ben then pointed at the crucifix on the wall and said, "That's what true love looks like." So, I guess I know what love is supposed to be.

Similar Interests/Goals

Obviously, this should be an aspect of love, what with the fact that the more you have in common with a partner, the more likely you are to stay together, or at least that's what my last shrink said (and eHarmony tends to agree). In addition, I generally think it's a bad idea to marry someone who has a very different perspective of the future from your own.

It's not uncommon to hear about a couple marrying and you hear that she wants his kids, but he doesn't. Some men do change and come around to the idea, while others accept the eventuality but don't work toward it, and some man up to the challenge, but if they had it their way, they'd prefer not to be fathers. Regardless of how it goes, I think this is a grave mistake. If your partner doesn't want children and you do, do you really think it a good idea to get married? Similarly, other disagreements can come in the shape of where you two are going to live, how you're going to handle your parents when they start getting old, how to handle each other if one of you contracts a debilitating illness, how to handle money, and how kinky things will get in the bedroom.

Now, some of these can be decided later or can change. I once read a story about a guy who's wife refused to give him oral sex until one night in the heat of the moment she surprised him with it, but basically my belief here is that you should marry someone who has similar visions and expectations for the future. I would never marry a woman who refused to let me own guns, sports cars, or dogs. Similarly, I wouldn't expect a city girl who loves cats to be chomping at the bit to marry me if I forbid cats in my house or absolutely refused to move to the city. So these sorts of things need to be the same.

Permission/Family Acceptance

All too often we hear stories about how the in-laws hate their son or daughter's significant other, or vice versa. It's a very common plot line in many rom-coms. But the fact of the matter is that if you're on good terms with your parents, you really should make sure they approve of your partner and your partner's parents since you're going to be family. Some say you can't choose your family, but this is one case where you can, so why wouldn't you take as much advantage of that as possible? I know I have some relatives where I would like a re-draw. But anyway, if my parents didn't like my potential bride or they didn't like her parents, or vice versa, I don't think I could marry said girl because although I don't talk about it, my family is actually very important to me. But what if everyone does like each other? What's next?

Well, some parents might think it outdated or that it doesn't concern them, but I would ask my bride-to-be's parents for her hand in marriage. Not only that, but I would also invite my parents, my siblings, my closest friends, her siblings, and her closest friends, and make sure everyone approves. After all, we're all going to be family and friends after this, so it's important to me that everyone agrees.

The Proposal

So, with all that out of the way, how would I actually go about it?

Place

It's honestly kind of hard to speculate on the place where I would propose. My first inclination would be to choose a place that is special to both my future bride and me. I'd probably go for something corny like wherever our first date was or where we shared our first kiss. However, if none of those were good options, I might instead choose a location that's special to her or overflowing with natural beauty, like a forest or something. Honestly, regardless of how it goes down, I would prefer a forest or woods of some kind, maybe an orchard--that's very Michigan. And I'd probably propose in fall or winter so as to improve the chances of us being alone. I know winter isn't ideal, but being alone is.

Ring

This may seem like an odd consideration--after all, who pops the question without the ring being present? Well, my friend Jessica was proposed to without the ring. Her boyfriend--now fiancé--didn't want to waste the waterfall they were biking past in Canada, and he unfortunately didn't have the ring ready, so he instead gave her a Ring Pop, which she then ate. But for me, I need to have the ring handy (no pun intended).

I want to do this right. And because I want to do it right, the ring will need to be properly fitted, and hopefully it's something that we both like. True, the ring is for her, but I really feel like too many women put too big of an importance on the engagement ring--I mean, what's really important here: the man you're marrying or the hunk of polished stone on a metal band to represent that union? As you can probably tell from the way I described an engagement ring, I'm hoping to have a fiancée who isn't materialistic and can deal with a modest ring. 


To Kneel, or Not to Kneel?

Whether or not I kneel depends on where we are when I propose. If we're actually out in the woods like I would like, I probably wouldn't kneel unless my fiancée really has a thing for tradition. While I do think the kneel is nice, part of me sees it as begging or as lowering myself beneath her. In my relationship, I want us to be equals--or at the very least, I want to be dominant--so with either perspective, I would like to be standing. Plus, I think standing would go along better with what I would say.

The Proposal

For me, there will be no simple "Will you marry me." I want what I say to build up. I suppose I would start talking about love, specifically our love and relationship, and what a journey it has been. I would then dwell on the future and our relationship's prospects. Recently I thought up the line, "It's one thing to imagine my future with you, but it's quite another that I am incapable of imagining my future without you." I think that speaks volumes about a person's importance in one's life. Then immediately following I would bring out the ring and say something along the lines of "Would you consider being in a position where you're always in my future?" or something like that. That line is a little clunky, but it gets across my basic idea in a way I feel that is very INTJ-like.

The INTJ Proposal

Speaking of being INTJ-like, let's now examine how this proposal differs from a regular one.

The first thing that hits me is that it is very thorough and planned out, especially when it comes to the whole idea of making sure that both sides of the family and friends approve, not to mention all the other little details, such as kneeling, that are addressed or considered. The whole thing has a large element of rationale and reason, and not emotion or sentimentality. While those things may have brought me to make this decision, I still keep my rationale working.

Another thing I noticed is that it's not all about the woman--there is an element in there where it is about the man. After all, we're talking about an engagement to be married. Marriage isn't just for the wife, it's also for the husband--sex isn't the only boon he's promised out of the deal. Similarly, the husband--me--has been considered in these proposal arrangements. After all, he/I should be--he's/I'm the one popping the question. So there is an angle to this whole thing that is as much about me as it is about her. It could be argued that my entire plan is about me, but that's only because I don't have a girlfriend or fiancée to think about, so how can I think about it, eh?

***

Well, that was how an INTJ might propose. Hopefully, for all you lucky ladies out there who are expecting your INTJ men to pop the question soon will now know what to expect. And if you want to make sure you always know what to expect from me, please join my mailing list, or if you want to make sure I keep writing, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Even $1 a month can help me out.

As for next week's post, I'm not sure what I'll do. I have so many ideas, and I think I was just poached by another organization to write articles for them. In which case, I'll just write whatever I feel is easiest or whatever I have the most motivation for. Until then though...

Keep writing, my friends.

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INTJ Contradiction #1: A Rebel and a Tyrant

Hey, everyone.

(Quick Note: This post is actually two weeks late since I broke my last computer. Sorry about that.)

So, I have to apologize for not getting my main INTJ post out last week, the one where I talk about what it's like growing up as an INTJ. It's a little more difficult than I figured and some of the examples I thought of from my past aren't exactly INTJ qualities, so I'm going to need some more time with that one.

Instead, I might have a new series here: INTJ Contradictions. As we know, INTJs are walking masses of complexities despite the fact they try to do everything as efficiently as possible. They burn with passion, but they're cold as ice. They agree that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, but they'll be damned if they choose to follow anyone else's will besides their own. So let's take a look at one of these contradictions and try to understand where it comes from.

A Rebel and a Tyrant

So I was listening to the song "Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There" which is the theme song to the video game Persona 5. I was actually watching a lyric video, and I've never understood all the lyrics, but as I was reading them, I realized "Wake Up, Get Up, Get Out There" could very well be an INTJ's anthem, especially with lyrics like "Why does no one want change?" (Despite the fact INTJs don't like surprises or unnecessary change. Another contradiction entry there.)

However, some of the other lyrics reminded me of an interesting contradiction within the INTJ personality. The lyrics in particular were:

They look down on
All the rest of us
Like they're some special breed

Who's the high lord
Who thinks he's better than us?

The fact that INTJs like these lyrics is both indicative of their secret rebellious side and ironic in that INTJs love to have control over every aspect of their lives. We don't care much for leadership, but if everyone just listened to us, no one would have any problems (despite the fact we hate those pretentious pricks who have the balls to virtue signal us and try to get us triggered just because they are). I call this ironic and hypocritical duality being a rebel and a tyrant, but where does it come from and why is it that INTJs don't necessarily see it as a contradiction?

Origin of R/T Duality

If I had to guess where this dual nature comes from, I'd say it originates in our Te-Fi combination. Extraverted Thinking is the function responsible for our strong opinions while Introverted Feeling is responsible for our strong individuality. In fact, I would argue that INTJs aren't "rebellious," we're just individuals. However, where some people can live and let live, INTJs are very self-assured of their individuality. After all, we've been doing our own thing and going our own way for most of our lives and it hasn't led us astray yet--what reason do we have to doubt their senses? But you take these self-confident individuals and put them in a world where self-doubt and creating your own Hell are common, of course they're going to acquire the attitude "I know best."

INTJS!? WHY U NO THINK URSELVES HYPOCRITES!?

So, why don't INTJs think this duality is hypocritical? Well, as stated above, if we truly know what's best, then we know what's best. Whether we're in power or not is irrelevant. Titles like "rebel" and "tyrant" are subjective. If a person is in power and sees someone else who isn't falling in line, the latter will be labelled as a "rebel." Similarly, anyone who is abusing their power or trying to influence the populous with force would be labelled a "tyrant." Of course though, other people in power might think of the "tyrant" as a "comrade," and other rebels might think of the labelled "rebel" as a "hero" or "non-conformist."

We also like to think that logic and rational is on our side. As long as that's true, we can't be a rebel or a tyrant because we're in the right--we're on the side of justice. INTJs are only really seen as rebels when compared to those who fall in line without a fight, and they're only really seen as tyrannical when they try to force their point-of-view. But as we all know, INTJs are generally pretty quiet--we don't speak up or speak out much. We just go and do our own thing, and let everyone else have their flapdoodle. As long as this holds, we will never be labelled as a rebel or a tyrant.

***


Well, that was the first INTJ Contradiction entry. Hopefully, I subverted your expectations (in a good way) with this first entry. In the future I'll write about the more predictable ones. Make sure you don't miss it by joining my mailing list, and if you want to make sure I keep writing, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Even $1 a month is enough to keep me writing.

As for next week's main post, I'm not sure what I'll do. Maybe I'll go back to growing up as an INTJ, but for now, who can say.

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

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Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughts #5: You're Not INTJ Enough to Be an INTJ

Hey, everyone.

My job search hasn't been going well and I'm feeling pretty sassy, so I guess I'll channel that energy into tearing a hypothetical someone's assh*le with this time's Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughts.

Explanation

I don't know if other types have this problem, but among INTJs, there's a cult--an orthodoxy. Basically, if you don't meet the Council of INTJs' requirements for being an INTJ, you're not one. Just a few weeks ago I had some assh*le accusing me of not being an INTJ because I talk about personal stuff on my blog. This dork seems to have forgotten that while INTJs don't like getting personal in public, when it comes to writing, it's much easier for us to express ourselves.

Another part of it is that INTJs are really good about telling the (harsh) truth, even if it's about ourselves. Plus, I don't often get comments, so I don't feel like anyone is actually reading this thing. I see the view count go up, but that doesn't mean someone is picking up what I'm putting down. Even accidental clicks and quick-as-you-can click backs count as views.

But getting back to the point, I was contacted again by a female INTJ on FB to tell me I had a misspelling in one of my posts. We ended up speaking for a little while on what it's like being an INTJ and we got on the topic of how there are these assh*les who rate INTJs on whether or not they're worthy enough to call themselves INTJs. She mentioned she was familiar with the phenomenon and noted that it was especially bad amongst other female INTJs. I know female INTJs are known for having a forbidding aura stronger than their male counterparts, but this is ridiculous.

This is one of the reasons why I don't seek out and befriend other INTJs. I know that I'm a pain in the ass. I know what a bunch of ornery motherf*ckers INTJs can be and how much they can drive people crazy. I know how opinionated we can be, and how far we're willing to drive a point to make it abundantly clear. When it comes to opinions, you can either agree with an INTJ or you can be considered a f*cking moron--there really is no in-between. And since I know I don't fit the INTJ stereotype, especially where me being Catholic is concerned, I don't seek out other INTJs because I know most of them are going to be assh*les. And then to add an "INTJ worthiness factor" to that, it just makes my case for not pursuing other INTJs stronger.

Listen, assh*les, I know what I am. I know I'm an INTJ. I've taken the tests and I've read the material. I know why I stand out from other INTJs, but that doesn't make me any less of an INTJ. If you don't know how that's possible, let me fill you in on a little secret: MBTI is an oversimplification of Carl Jung's original personality theory. In Jung's system, everyone has all eight functions, but we all use them to different degrees. For instance, my order is Ni-Ne-Ti-Fi-Si-Te-Se-Fe, and according to My True Type by Dr. A.J. Drenth, because my eight function order is at least close to the MBTI INTJ theme of Ni-Te-Fi-Se, I'm almost certainly an INTJ. I know I just said "almost," but I'd bet my balls on it! Just because I'm not as opinionated or argumentative as you are, that doesn't mean I'm not an assh*le--I mean, INTJ.

(To the other types: As you can tell, just because INTJs are INTJs, that doesn't mean we're all the same. That would be a critically fatal assumption.)

***

 



If you enjoyed this ball-busting Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughts and you want to stay in the loop with whatever I write, please consider joining my mailing list, and if you want me to keep busting my type's balls, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Even $1 a month is enough for me to keep being an assh*le.

Keep writing, my friends.

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Weird Moments with INTJ #4: Planning Ahead/Thinking of Everything

 

Hey, everyone.

It's time for another Weird Moments with INTJ. Let's get into it.

Explanation

So, I don't know if this belongs under the topic of "planning ahead" or "thinking of everything." Maybe it's both--a distinction without a difference. Regardless, it is the sort of thing an INTJ would do. I once saw a video breaking down the INTJ personality, and the host said that INTJs often think about sex more than actually having it. I don't know why he felt the need to point that out--I thought that was true for everyone, especially men--but maybe that's just especially true of INTJs, and my meme is proof of it.

See, even if an INTJ is a total amateur at something, we don't want to be thought of as an amateur. We want to be one of those people who are good at everything they do. In some part, this is true/applicable for INTJs, however, whatever we don't know about or don't have any experience in, we will research and take notes. It's all in preparation for doing well in whatever we're interested. And even if we are skilled or experienced, we will still look for ways to improve our performance.

Now, I do realize that with something like sex, some "things" will be dependent on the likes and dislikes of our partner, however, sex is a dynamic experience, from what I understand, and there are plenty of things to test, try, and explore. Even if no practical application is present or possible, an INTJ may take mental pleasure in just learning theory and possibilities. True, INTJs can derive this theoretical pleasure from just about anything, but INTJs aren't going to limit themselves to just the "regular" sort of knowledge. (I almost said "wholesome," but I want to stray away from the idea that sex can't be wholesome. It totally can be so long as it's practiced by a married couple. Even if it's kinky.)

But INTJs love possibilities. We try to make use of everything we know and apply concepts we learn elsewhere to different topics. Even if we are good, practicing Catholics who don't plan on having sex until we're married, we'll still gather up as much knowledge and theory as we can in case there comes a day when we can implement it.

Cue "Rock You Like A Hurricane" by The Scorpions.

***

 

If you enjoyed this eye-opening Weird Moments with INTJ and you want to stay in the loop with whatever I write, please consider joining my mailing list, and if you want me to keep exposing dirty, little INTJ secrets, please consider supporting me on Patreon. Even $1 a month is enough for me to whore out my type.

Keep writing, my friends.

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Being A Writer #4: Fortune and Glory

Hey, everyone.

Due to the holiday I decided not to publish anything last week because I thought there would be adverse effects to my views, but now that the holiday is over, we can get back into the swing of things. Speaking of the swing, it hasn't been going well for me in my job search, and speaking of money, let's take a quick look at this week's Being A Writer.

Explanation

When it comes to just about anything, there are good and bad reasons for doing whatever it is, such as marriage, which should be done for love and shouldn't be done for money. Well, when it comes to writing a book, some do it for "good" reasons like educating, entertaining, enlightening, and inspiring others. But there are plenty of "bad" reasons why people write; two of those "bad" reasons include fortune and glory.

Unfortunately, there are some writers out there, often the successful ones who have both plenty of money and fame, who like to drive the point that writing isn't about getting rich or being popular. But here's the thing, while fortune and glory aren't "good" reasons for writing, they're still some of the reasons why we write--it's just the nature of the beast.

I think it could be argued that "fortune and glory" isn't as much about "riches and fame" as it is about "getting paid to do something you like and being recognized for being good at it." However, I also think that so long as you turn out a good story that people want to read, does it really matter why you wrote it? For my part, I know I write for good and bad reasons--I want to tell a story, but dammit!--someone had better pay me for it!

***

 



If you enjoyed this realistic Being A Writer post and you want to stay in the loop with whatever I write, please consider joining my mailing list, and if you agree with my logic, you can also support me on Patreon. Even $1 a month helps me keep writing for money.

Keep writing, my friends.

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Five Reasons Why INTJs Are Loners

Hey, everyone.

So, just as promised, here's my post regarding why INTJs are loners. Or rather, five reasons why we prefer to be loners. Originally, I wanted to look at this from an analytic perspective and go over the INTJ function stack discussing how the functions attributed to our lone wolf attitude. But I realized that this method would be easier to write and be easier to understand for those who aren't familiar with the function stack. Plus, this method incorporates the function stack, so we're all where we want to be.

However, I do want to warn you guys that certain reasons do involve aspects from more than one function, so it could get a little confusing in some places. Hopefully, it all works out in the end.

1. (Constantly) Misunderstood

The first and most important reason why we often prefer to be alone is because we are often misunderstood. Whether it be that no one can pick up the big ideas we're putting down (Ni), our awkward social behavior (Te-Fi-Se), or our humor that is often too dark, sarcastic, and caustic for some people (Te-Se), many people just don't get us.

INTJs are different, and it's generally immediately obvious to someone when they first meet us. Since we don't fit in with the common perspective of how the world and people should be, many prefer to leave us alone.

2. Don't Understand Everyone Else

However, it's not just the world that doesn't understand us--we likewise don't tend to understand the world (all functions are used here). We don't understand how people can't see the things we do, like  how can they not perceive inefficiency as easily as us. We also don't get how people don't understand our (big) ideas, or we don't get how some people don't seem to be willing to implement them even when they agree that they're good ones. It also bothers us that so many people complain about the same things, but no one tries to fix the problem or try a new approach to the problem. Due to these behaviors, we wash our hands of others and allow them to be the grand architects of their own demise.

3. Prefer the Inner World

INTJs do people watch and we are amazingly in-tune with our external world. If we weren't, we wouldn't have the sick Monk-like detective skills that we're known for having. We are well-aware of what goes on around us (Se). But almost everything in the real world is so damn boring, isn't it (Ni)? I don't understand how people can get so worked up over sporting events. What really bothers me is that they watch them rather than play the sports themselves. I'd rather play any sport in the world than watch it. But unfortunately, for sports, there are plenty of other things I'd rather be doing than watching sports.

This impatience with the material world and being bored with the mundane means that INTJs often look inward. Again, it's our imagination--our Ni--that we turn to. And seeing as how ideas are born of the mind, we focus inwardly and ignore what is outward. As a result, our minds become great sources of entertainment for us, and typically you can't imagine things when there are people around, so...

4. Kind of Assh*les

If you're new to this whole INTJ-thing, it should be obvious by now that INTJs have some very strong opinions. This would be our Te, our desire to see the world reflect what we think it should be because come on, nobody knows better than us. (Most of the time.) Because of this arrogance and the fact that we can't stand seeing the world not be the way we think it should be (Ni-Te-Se), we again wash our hands of it.

5. Too Intense for Some People

Originally this reason was "Too Serious for Some People," but I think "intense" is a more appropriate term. We're still quite serious, but typically only in public. We can be downright goofy in private or when you set us up on stage. But regardless of the situation, we generally have two modes: "Not Interested" and "Go Time." If we're not into something, you'll be able to tell from how bored and apathetic we are. But when we are serious about something, we chase it, and we chase it fiercely.

True, we may not look emboldened or impassioned on the outside, but there's a fire raging on the inside. Anything we're passionate about, we don't do half-assed--we go all the way. As a result, some people can't keep up with this level of intensity. A good example would be an INTJ's morals (Ni-Te-Fi)--we stick to them like glue and never waver. For people who are more "whatev's" about their morals, they will often back out of our way when they realize we're serious about our personal code. This sort of intensity, almost bordering on obsession, can be found in many of our pursuits, and many people don't have the mental capacity to put up with it. Hence, we end up alone.

Bonus: Succeeding Alone Proves Your Strength

They say "there's safety in numbers" and "together we stand." They're not wrong, but the greatest proof of one's strength, especially strength of character (Ni-Te-Fi), can be found in those who often walk alone. They don't have crowds of people cheering them on, supporting them, or showering them with positive affirmations; they're entirely responsible for where they are in life due to their own efforts.

This experience of building oneself up without any help tends to create a perpetual cycle wherein the  more a person accomplishes alone, the more he relies on himself, thus becoming stronger, which in turn causes him to accomplish more alone, and the cycle continues.

INTJs who have spent a lot of time alone have proven to themselves time again that they're capable of great things alone, and so they push and criticize themselves more than anyone else, forcing them to go on and prove to themselves even further that they can do "it" alone. As a result, INTJs convince themselves that they don't need anybody in their lives. But this isn't necessarily a bad thing as INTJs still may want someone in their lives, and who wouldn't want to share a life with someone who has accomplished so much alone?



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And that is five reasons why INTJs are loners. I'm sure there are more, but these feel like the biggest. Hopefully I was successful in analyzing the functions alongside the reasons themselves. If you enjoyed this post and want to make sure I continue writing, please consider supporting me on Patreon. And if you want to stay in the loop with whatever I write, please consider joining my mailing list.

For next week, I'm actually going to take a look at what it's like growing up as INTJ and how it's different from the average experience. It'll be more of a personal memoir than a psychological analysis, but hopefully it adds something to that article I wrote back in December: How to Spot an INTJ at School, which is my most popular post by the way. But in the meantime...

Keep writing, my friends.

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