The 7 Deadly Online Dating Profile Sins

I've spent a lot of time on dating sites. I actually consider myself a veteran of the system as I've been using them since my early twenties. Zoosk, Match, eHarmony, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Tinder, Craigslist... I've used a bunch. And over the years, I've seen a lot of different posts. And to be honest, most of them suck.

So, what should you write when posting your ad? Well, let's answer that question by looking at these seven things you should definitely not do.

1. "My life sucks!"

Some of the posts you'll see on dating sites and most of the ones you find on Craigslist are all about how the poster's life sucks. It seems like they're aimed at trying to invoke people's sympathy and get a pity date. They'll talk about how they just got out of a bad relationship, are still in a bad relationship, or they haven't been on a date in a long time. Now, while invoking people's sympathy will make some people go, "Aw, you poor thing," it won't make them want to ask you out. They may message you, but it'll be to comfort you.

Believe it or not, no one wants to date someone who is sad or whiny--people want to date someone who is happy and can either control their lives or are capable of bouncing back. Resilience is very attractive regardless of who you are. Complaining makes you look immature and demanding.

2. "I'm amazing! Why am I still single?!"

Alright, well, maybe you're not saying it like that. Maybe you're just listing off all your good qualities. But I've seen ads that have started with "What would you do if there was a girl who..." and then she proceeded to list off all her positive attributes.

There are a couple of reasons why this may not work:
1. By trying to make yourself sound so incredible that it's strange for you to be single, you may come off as arrogant. People may not believe that you are actually that amazing and that you may even be blind to your faults.
2. Just like with "My life sucks!" this also sounds like a desperate cry for attention. "Hello! I'm just as good, if not better, than anyone else out there! Look at me, look at me, look at me!"
3. You might actually scare someone off. As crazy as it sounds, you might make yourself sound so good, you'll trip other people's insecurities and they'll automatically conclude that they're not good enough for you, and end up passing you by.
4. Part of the fun of dating is getting to know someone. So, when you just tell everyone everything about you, you deprive your potential partner of the pleasure of getting to know you. I know that many of us turn to online dating to speed up the process and increase the results of dating, but some things are better left unsaid and are more exciting when discovered.

3. "If you don't like that I'm (blank), then you can move on."

Regardless of what quality you put in blank, you should never put this in an ad for two reasons: 1. It's obvious, and 2. It's aggressive.

Obviously, not everyone out there is for everyone else. And obviously, not everyone is going to be attracted to everyone else. So, if a person doesn't like something about you, then obviously they're going to move on. They don't need your permission or blessing to do so. They know what they like and what they don't like.

And the reason why this is aggressive is because it makes you sound like you've got a chip on your shoulder, like you've been rejected before for whatever blank is. While that may be true, you don't want to come off bitter about it because it just plainly isn't attractive. It makes you look defensive and that just makes others uncomfortable. Not to mention it's a waste of characters and words where you could be saying something positive about yourself instead. Remember, you want to look happy and well-adjusted. No one is going to want to date someone who is constantly or easily irritated.

4. "I've got curves, but they're all in the right places."

Alright, ladies--this one is aimed specifically at you. And, it's aimed at the Craigslist ladies. Why is this a problem? Because it makes you sound like you're trying to get away with something. Rather than just coming straight out and saying, "I have an hourglass body shape," or "I've got a big butt and boobs," you say something cryptic like "all my curves are in the right places."

Why is this cryptic? Because, what are the "right places?" Most men would assume you're talking about your tatas and tookhes, but some men are chubby chasers. And even further, some men are boob guys and some are ass men. To them, there may only be one right place. I get that you don't want to lie about the fact that you aren't skinny, but saying your body looks like an hourglass has you covered on all fronts, skinny or thick. And if you have a true hourglass, it won't matter if you have a little extra in your midsection--your bust and hips offset it.

But further still, you should always avoid being cryptic in your posts. Don't use complicated descriptions to describe yourself. If you're not comfortable describing an aspect of your appearance, either keep to the cold hard facts like height, weight, eye and hair color, or include a picture. Men don't need to know the shade of your skin or that one "part" of you is bigger than "another." Again, that's part of the fun of dating.

5. "I guess what I'm looking for is an FWB, but ongoing and with an emotional connection."

This is dating no-no for two reasons:

Regardless of what dating site you're on, make sure you know what you want and that you categorize yourself correctly. The above example is based on something I actually saw. A woman was in an unhappy marriage and said she wanted a friend with benefits, but also long-term and not be just about the sex. Um, hello! That's not a friend with benefits--that's a relationship! If you want a long-term physical and emotional connection, you're looking for a relationship.

Now, I'll admit, in the past, I've been guilty of this myself. But, I realized what I was doing wrong. One time, I wanted to meet an attractive girl that I could kiss and cuddle with, spend time with, but that I wasn't perfectly matched with and could stop dating when I found someone I actually connected with. This is essentially a short-term relationship and it screams that what I'm actually looking for is a long-term relationship with someone I actually like. So, why not just go after what I actually want?

Sure, there are times when I just want to make out, but due to all those funny brain chemicals of ours, one make out session or one lesson of horizontal limbo is enough to make two people attached to each other who really have no business dating.

The other irritating thing about this is when people complain that they're not getting the emotional connection they need in their relationship, like their partner doesn't listen or talk to them, so they look for "just a friend" who will. That's stupid! If your partner won't listen or talk to you, dump'em! Don't look for a surrogate--look for someone who will be everything you're looking for. Otherwise, you're going to form an emotional connection to that other person and you'll be essentially cheating on your partner. When it comes to relationships, you should be committed mind, body, and soul. If you're not, or your partner isn't, it's either time to move on or go to couple's counseling. If you can't rely on your partner to be there for you, then they are no longer your partner.

6. "I don't know what to write."

It really isn't brain science or rocket surgery. Chances are, you know yourself to an extent and you know what you're looking for, so write about that. List the things you like to do and what sort of qualities you're looking for in a person. You don't have to put everything down, just enough to spark an interest and start a conversation. Remember, dating is a process and half of the fun of it is getting to know each other. So you don't have to put too much pressure on yourself to have every last detail. Just put something down for now and change it later if you want.

7. "If you want to know something, just ask."

You might think this is acceptable because when you meet someone in person this is an acceptable opening, but remember, the person isn't right in front of you and chances are, if they don't interest you right off the bat, you're not going to respond. And if this is all you put in your profile, you're never going to get a meaningful message because you haven't given anyone any reason to. Without knowing anything, you're going to keep getting "So, what do you like to do for fun?" or "What kind of people do you date?" over and over again. And after about the third time, you're going to stop responding.

But, what if this isn't the only thing you put in your profile? What if you have some great details about yourself and whom you're looking for? Surely, that grants you a pass, right? Well no, because just like, "If you don't like that I'm blank," this is once again an obvious course of action. People who are competent enough to know how this dating thing works will know to contact you if they like you. They don't need to be told.