The INTJ Way of Saying 25 Sexy, Dirty, Salacious, and Raunchy Things [Explicit]

Hey, everyone.

As you can tell from the title, this is what I thought up for Thanksgiving week--a bunch of smut with an INTJ twist. Now, you will see some vulgar phrases, at least in the parenthetical translations, but there are some things you won't find. For instance, I don't talk about anyone's "flesh sword" because it's just too dumb to translate. You also won't find any mentions to things like "milfs" because the translation would be too complex, nor will you find anything about "69" because it's just too dirty.

Admittedly, there are a number of things I could add, either other sexy things that are said or multiple translations for one vulgar phrase, but I decided to stay away from repeating myself or duplicates because then I could be at this all day. That's also why I cut it down to twenty-five things, rather than going for as many as I could. This was supposed to be a quick, fun thing and not consume a lot of brain power, but it's already not that. So, without further ado, here is the INTJ way of saying twenty-five sexy, dirty, salacious, and raunchy things.

Sweet Nothings

1. I have the intense carnal desire to ravage your mind and body in the most beautiful way possible so as to leave you a convulsing mass, miring in viscous bodily fluids and the purest state of ecstasy achievable on the mortal plane.   

(I want to f*ck you senseless!)

2. Shall we consummate our union?

(Wanna f*ck?)

3. I cannot deny the excellence of your figure.

(You're so f*cking hot.)

4. While I don't support the idea of nude images being sent via cordless transmission, I do however long for your visage.

(Send me a nude selfie.)

5. I appreciate the diligence you put into your fitness regimen, especially with regard to your posterior.

(You've got a great booty!)

6. I appreciate the view of your uncanny valley.

(You've got great t*ts!)

Foreplay

7. I would revel in the instant if you elected to reveal yourself to me.

(Show me your t*ts!)

8. Disrobe.

(Take your clothes off.)

9. Your entirety demands my attention.

(You get me so hard!)

10. My passions are inflamed.

(I'm so horny!)

11. I'm going to rub my face against your breasts in a back-and-forth, lateral movement while feeling rather silly and achieving nothing, but I am loathed to surrender the privilege of doing so.

(I'm going to motorboat you!)

12. Submit.

(Assume the position.)

The Beast with Two Backs

13. Ah... You're ready...

(You're so wet!)

14. Will I have to discipline you?

(Does somebody need a spanking?)

15. Whom proclaims himself your compassionate protector and passionate lover, whom you also recognize and pay full respect to?

(Who's your Daddy?)

16. Lie back, and prepare for me to kiss your soul.

(I'm going down on you!)

17. Who surrenders her body to my whims in a bid to fulfill her carnal appetites?

(Who's my dirty, little girl?)

18. I would appreciate it if you returned my earlier favor.

(Suck my d*ck!)

19. Prove the depth of your passions for me.

(F*ck me!)

20. I feel a primal passion coming over me.

(Let's do it doggie style!)

21. Shall I show you my strength?

(Let's have sex standing up.)

22. Have I mastered your body?

(Do you like that?)

23. Sit in my lap.

(Let's do cowgirl!)

Climax

24. Control yourself...

(Don't you dare c*m yet!)

Pillow Talk

25. How decadent. Don't you agree?

(Was it as good for you as it was for me?)

***

So that was an interesting experience. Enlightening too, I'm sure. Although, I do wonder about whom it offers more insight: INTJs or myself. As you can tell, I seem to think of INTJs as being borderline BDSM Doms, and as I've mentioned before, I always think of INTJs as being male. I know there are female INTJs out there, but... you know, I'm not going to write from a female perspective on this, especially not for a sh*ts and giggles post.

Another thing that strikes me as I finish this is that I'm sure there's someone out there complaining that many of the INTJ translations are too poetic or Shakespearean and not awkwardly technical, like many people suspect INTJs of being. Well, I admit, it's possible that some INTJs are bound to be that way, such as Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory, but I also don't believe it's possible for that sort of character to get laid--I don't care what happened in the show. Ergo, an INTJ with a romantic edge is justified in this scenario. Not to mention, we're not two-dimensional, cardboard stereotypes--we are people, so we do know a thing or two about sex talk.

Anyway, if you want to make sure you never miss one of my blog posts, dirty or clean, please join my mailing list or show me your love by supporting me on Patreon.

For next week, I was thinking of doing the INTJ guide to saying 25 violent things. The reason being that I'm about to embark on the adventure that is re-writing my book ROCCO, and that'll take quite a lot of time, so I might be sandbagging it on the posts from now until Christmas (my deadline). But who knows, maybe writing simple and crude stuff will help to bring in some new readers. But until then... 

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

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How INTJs Can Develop Their Inferior Function

Hey, everyone.

The Fatal Weakness of INTJs

I recently purchased the book The 16 Personality Types: Profiles, Theory, & Type Development by Dr. A.J. Drenth in an effort to improve my understanding of typology. After all, I don't really consider myself my a typologist--I'm really only an expert on one personality, and that's my own, because after all, who knows me better than me?

But obviously I can't just ignore the professional analysis of my own typing, especially since I trust Dr. Drenth's analysis. His My True Type: Clarifying Your Personality Type, Preferences, & Functions is an excellent read. Anyway, as I was flipping through the INTJ section, a peculiarity caught my eye; the section on the inferior function, Se, was so much longer than the sections on the other three. Upon breaking down the INTJ's relationship with Se, Dr. Drenth mentioned three common weaknesses INTJs suffer due to their misunderstanding of Se. These three weaknesses are a mind-body disconnect, impracticality and subsistence, and perfectionism.

I'm not going to go into these in detail, because then what would be the point of buying the book, but I will give you the brief on them as they are related to my post. So, the weakness of perfectionism is when we can't square our Ni vision with the Se reality, the mind-body disconnect is when we ignore the needs of our bodies, and the physical world in general, for the needs of our minds, and the weakness of impracticality and subsistence is when we're forced to satisfy our S needs in order to fulfill our N needs, but we're loathed to do so because N is where we focus most of our attention.

To be honest, I understand the impracticality and subsistence weakness the least; while it is one that I have struggled with in my life, I find it to be so similar to the other two, I think it's hardly worth mentioning and trying to discriminate between it and the other two. But going back to the other two, while I admit that perfectionism is a compulsion of ours, I find it to be highly profitable one, whereas the mind-body disconnect, that's the one I would like to focus on.

The mind-body disconnect (MBD), as well as the inner-outer worlds disconnect, really breaks my heart in regards to my people. Dr. Drenth mentions that sometimes INTJs can be malnourished and even paranoid of surgery due to the MBD. He even quotes an INTJ friend in his book as saying "I regularly forget to eat." I don't know how you do that; I love food. You could consider me a bit of a glutton. I'm not bragging; I'm just trying to illustrate the level of impossibility I have with comprehending this point.

But something that Dr. Drenth mentions that is quite interesting is he says concern with oneself is better regulated by Si, which might help to explain my situation. After all, if you choose to understand typology from a Jungian perspective rather than MBTI, you will try to understand it with all eight functions in focus and not just four. When I do this and examine myself, instead of seeing the INTJ function stack (Figure 1), I see something more like Figure 2.

Does this mean I'm somehow more perfect or idealized than the traditional INTJ? Well, perhaps more idealized, but not more perfect. What this actually illustrates is how important a sense of self is to me, although all aspects of intuition and mysticism are more important to me than that.

Getting back to the topic on hand, I am greatly disappointed with this issue INTJs have surrounding Se. I once saw a meme on Pinterest that said all INTJs where oblivious geniuses who constantly bump into things. That last part infuriates me since I like to think I have plenty of spatial awareness--as I like to tell people who are amazed by my almost inhuman knowledge, I perceive everything. Here's an example:

Back when I was a window cleaner, one of my jobs was a ladies' salon. When I went to clean the inside of the windows, most of the stylists were sitting in a circle and chatting. At one point, they started discussing some woman they all thought was a bitch who got drunk and started acting like a slut at someone's party, at which point one of them admonished the others for discussing potentially sensitive material with a man present. One of them remarked that I was probably not paying any attention--joke's on them because I heard everything.

Ways Se is Expressed

Now, I'm not writing this post to talk about how great I am because I have such a well-developed Se, I'm writing this to help other INTJs in seeing and understanding how they can develop their Se and make the most of it. In order to do so, let's go through all the ways in which a person may experience Se. This list comes from Dr. Drenth's book My True Type.

1. I am a fun-loving person who relishes spontaneous action.

2. I don't waste time over-thinking things.

3. I usually perform better and enjoy myself more when I just do what comes naturally.

4. I love taking in new experiences--new sights, sounds, tastes, and so on.

5. I enjoy using my hands and losing myself in activities such as sports, sex, cooking, driving, dancing, shopping, exercising, and the like.

6. If given a choice, I prefer to be up and moving around rather than sitting.

7. I tend to get restless fairly quickly and am happier when I'm being active.

8. I'm not a terribly abstract person and have never been a huge fan of book learning. I'd rather learn from experience than from books or lectures. In my view, experience is probably life's best teacher.

9. I'm also a highly observant person. I tend to notice and recall details that others overlook.

10. Keeping pace with current styles and fashions is also fun for me, including things like trendy cars, phones, fashions, hairstyles, décor, etc.

Now, if you're an INTJ, you're likely repulsed by some of these ways in which Se is expressed. However, since it is one of your functions, you are likely to see the value of some of these. For myself, I'm an observant person, I appreciate the value of practical experience, I do enjoy some level of physical activity and appreciate being able to do any physical skill on the first try, and in recent years, I have focused more on honing my personal style so as to be seen as more respectable and more attractive to the fairer sex.

That's all well and good for me, but what about other INTJs? Well, there are some surprising ways in which an INTJ can develop their Se without completely losing their Ni mind. For instance, the taking in of new experiences, especially new sounds--I don't know about the rest of you, but I love finding new bands to listen to and broadening my music perspective. Another one is enjoying working with your hands. There is a sense of irreplaceable satisfaction that comes from making something with your own two hands. I've made whips, and although other personal projects of mine haven't turned out the best, I am often satisfied with the work I have done. Don't underestimate the value of a hard day's work.

Speaking of never underestimating the value of a hard day's work, Se is the all important function that makes INTJs demons in the sack. I'm sure you've heard the rumor before, and while I can't speak for it, and to some extent I believe our highly attuned Ni and Te functions also have important parts to play in the bedroom, but what truly allows for our Ni and Te to be so attuned is our sensory perception (Se). After all, if we can't read or hear how our partners are reacting to our... "inputs"... then we couldn't intuit the next best course of action and carry it out with such confidence.

A Warning

Developing our Se is important, true enough, but it must also come with a warning. As is obvious from the ways in which Se is experienced, Se is a very worldly function; it tends to seek comfort at all costs. While it is possible for Se to go the other way and be the door to personal punishment--not like BDSM but rather like exercising to self-injury--what's more likely to happen is that Se can lead to hedonism and decadence.

In an unhealthily developed INTJ, it's possible to find a battle between Ni-Te and Se, rising in a hypocritical belief of "No one achieves anything great by being lazy!" but then you find yourself in your kitchen munching on chocolate chip cookies at ten o'clock at night. I know because that's a problem I face.

The Reason

Developing our Se is important because it gives us the opportunity to let our Ni (and Te) rest and experience new things, which can help to broaden our perspectives and give our Ni more leads into solving the world's mysteries. You'll also be more attuned to your body and healthier.

So, go ahead and develop your Se. Listen to new music, try new foods, be spontaneous, go to the mall and eavesdrop on people's conversations Assassin's Creed style, try to notice the smallest details about an environment or a person, and just build something with your hands for the fun of it. It won't hurt you.

And before you think that you don't need to develop your Se because you have Ni to fall back on, let me ask you this question: don't you want to be perfect? Surely, a perfect being would develop all of his functions to their fullest extent because otherwise he is limited, and limited beings are not perfect.

***

I hope you INTJs out there saw the value of this post. I feel like I may have lost the plot a little in there, but I didn't want my title to be misleading. And if you want to make sure you never miss one of my blog posts, please join my mailing list or show me the real love by supporting me on Patreon.

For next week, again, I don't know what I'll do. Holidays always screw me up, so I might purposely sandbag it by making just a short post, or a quick and dirty post. You'll see what I mean by that. Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

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