Hey, everyone. Happy New Year, and all that.
Anyway, I haven't been working on my blog like I said I would be, so to get back in the swing of things, I'm going to do another response blog and hopefully, sometime next week, I'll have something original again on the INTJ side of things.
So, this post is in response to Introvert, Dear's "7 Secrets You Should Know About Dating An INTJ," and honestly, I can tell you that these aren't "secrets." They likely used the word "secrets" as clickbait because many of these traits are well-documented within our personality typing. But here's the question: how accurate are they? Similar to my articles on how I buck the INTJ stereotype, do I buck any of these? Are not INTJs individuals within the already individualistic typing of INTJ? Let's see.
1. INTJs are fiercely loyal.
This is definitely true. So long as you're a good, steady friend, or even if you're a great, unsteady friend, we'll be loyal to you until death. We're very much like dogs in this regard, although we lose that dogginess when it comes to judging you.
 |
| Yes, I do think less of you for going to the bathroom with the door open. (Even when no one's around.) |
But just imagine though if you weren't our friend, but something more. Something closer and something more special. Our "heart" to an extent, and if we feel like being romantic. Our loyalty, although conditional, to a friend already measures at a 9 or a 10, so imagine what it would be for you with whom we share a life, a bed, and a love with. That is a loyalty you'll never experience anywhere else.
2. We want you to succeed.
Do we? I know that sounds strange for me to ask, but to some extent it is true. I do tend to feel a little envious of the victories and accomplishments of my friends. And throughout life, I've never been genuinely excited for someone else's success, potential or achieved. It's only when I'm directly involved do I feel a sense of satisfaction for your success. However, there are two caveats to this.
The first is that that whole explanation is for a friend, not for a significant other. The second is that it is often said, as I just did in #1, couples tend to share their lives. One's success can be regarded as the couple's success due to the love and support given and shared between the two. So, although I have had no experience with a long-term relationship, it is my belief that I would want my girlfriend/wife to succeed in all her endeavors, and not because I want to share in her success, but because I want her to be happy and satisfied. I want to take on her yoke and her burdens to help her in her times of need, and I want her to be at ease in life because I don't want her to suffer. And I personally would never lay claim to any part of my wife's accomplishments if all I did for her was support her and tell her she could do it.
3. But please leave this INTJ alone.
This one is a little strange, mainly because of the verbiage chosen to express it. Now, I did quote the listing from the site, so it might make more sense within the proper context, but it does still bother me.
See, there's a very big difference between telling someone "Leave me alone" and "I occasionally need some time and space to myself." The former is equivalent to telling someone to go to Hell, and the latter isn't. So, what I would say here is effectively what I've already said: there will be times when you'll need to leave your INTJ alone. You may not understand their need, but if you respect it, they'll respect your need to not be left alone. Alone time for INTJs is refreshing and recuperating. Some people call it "charging our batteries," but I think "recovery" is a more apt term. It's a purge, a cleansing, a return to order and balance. And there will be times when we need to recover from you, but the good news is, we might need you to help us recover from something else.
4. We ‘think’ our feelings.
This one I don't know about because I'm not 100% sure if I think my feelings. I'm pretty sure I feel my feelings; I am in touch with my emotions because every time I've tried to outthink or outsmart them, it's always backfired horribly. While it might be true for other or most INTJs out there that they think their feelings instead of feeling them, I don't. However, I do try to remain as rational as possible despite my feelings, and there are times when I will act contrary to them unless my feelings overwhelm my intellect. It's happened before; it's not pretty.
So, for this one, I would say you should ask your INTJ and pay attention to how they actually deal with their feelings because not all of us think them, and if you just assume we all do, that'll be more insulting to us than you not understanding our feelings at all because it bewrays the fact that you didn't take the time and effort to get to know us.
5. You need to be a lot more blunt.
This is pretty true. While some INTJs definitely pick up on subtlety, you shouldn't leave it to chance. Not to mention, INTJs can be very litigious; if you say one thing and mean another, we're going to take what you said as what you want rather than whatever contradiction you have in mind. If you're not fine, tell us. If you're not happy, tell us. To say one thing and mean another is not "just how some people are," it's childish and immature. One of the reasons why we're so honest and direct is because of how much we appreciate honesty and directness, so don't be afraid to use it. Especially because INTJs ain't got time for games. We've got great works ahead of us, and your mind games are keeping us from them, which will only serve to push us more toward our work and away from you.
6. When we argue, it doesn’t mean we’re upset.
This is another strange one to me because while I do get that INTJs are known to argue for the sake of arguing, when you put the word "argue" in the context of "relationship," you're not talking about speculating on the morality of cloning, you're talking about things like who's going to do the dishes, when's the next time we're going to have sex, or why can't you turn off the lights as you're leaving the room. You know, things that couples argue over; not philosophical musings. Not to mention, a good and easily understandable INTJ will make it clear that they're arguing for the sake of the argument. They'll ask a lot of "What if..." questions or make "If... then..." sort of statements, which are clearly indicative of hypothetical questions, not argumentative.
 |
| If you're willing to do anything for me, then that should include anal. |
 |
| Or that you're willing to avenge me. |
Not to mention, I would expect any balanced and sane person capable of realizing this without it needing to be explained. Only immature, inexperienced, self-conscious, and/or insane sort of people can't recognize a hypothetical argument. But I will admit that some INTJs are dense enough to use a word like "argue" when they mean "philosophize," which is strange to me because I would've thought more INTJs would've been more drawn to "philosophize" than "argue" because it's so much clearer and more mystic.
7. We’re hard to shop for.
I don't think so. It's known that INTJs are extremely practical and intellectual. This basically means that books and gift cards are fair game, and they're not hard to get a hold of. While it is true that INTJs have classical and elegant tastes, this doesn't mean you have to buy us statues or artwork. In fact, I'd prefer a CD from a favorite band over a gigantic statue of a naked woman any day. I appreciate the thought and expense, but it's not necessary.
 |
| Plus, if I'm dating you, I'd rather see you naked anyway. |
The other thing that gets me about this one is that if you're dating someone, or even if you're just friends, that should mean that you know something about that person. And if you know something about them, you should be able to infer what they like and what they don't like, and ergo, what they want and what they don't want. So, how little do you know a person if you can't even think of one thing they may want?
Plus, with INTJs there's the added bonus that one of the greatest things you can give them is the gift of you. I know that sounds counterintuitive to the great, lonely image of the INTJ, but there are very few people out there that we genuinely appreciate and want to be around, and if we've agreed to date you, guess what! We want to be around you. And we'll love you all the more if you find a way to trigger our intelligence and let us talk your ear off about something we know or some deep revelation we've had recently. So, we're actually not hard to shop for.
Alright, everyone. That'll do it for this week. Hopefully, next week I'll finally have that article up about how finding out I'm an INTJ changed my life. That, or why it behooves INTJs to be religious. There's an interesting story to go along with that one that happened to me just recently. But, until then...
Keep writing, my friends.
More About Bryan C. Laesch:
My Opera:
Amazon: My Author Page, My Influencer Page
Facebook: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar
Patreon: Bryan C. Laesch
Twitter: BryanofallTrade
Youtube: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar
No comments:
Post a Comment