Can INTJs Be Rich?

Hey, everyone.

So, about a month ago, I became a business owner. That's right; I am the Member Manager to two new LLCs: Bryan C. Laesch, my author business, and Transcendent Tees, my t-shirt business. But I don't know too much about business, so I started watching a bunch of YouTube videos and putting together a Business playlist for my personal use. The videos cover multiple topics ranging from taxes, being an LLC versus being a sole proprietor, why you should set yourself up as an S-Corp, to even videos on becoming a successful businessman/entrepreneur.

One of the videos I discovered was called "10 Signs You Won't Be Rich" by the channel Valuetainment. The channel is hosted Patrick Bet David, the CEO of a billion-dollar insurance company based out of Austin. In this video he breaks down ten reasons, hurdles, signs, whatever as to why a person may never be rich. And this gave me the idea for this particular blog post because while INTJs aren't necessarily known for being rich, we are known for being successful; in some circles, the only personality more successful than ourselves is ENTJ. So, I decided to look at Mr. Bet David's ten signs as to why someone won't be rich and see if they are hurdles for INTJs. Might there be proof for Bet David's argument held within the personality traits of the INTJ? Let's find out.

1. You don´t like rich people.

I wouldn't say INTJs don't like rich people so much as we don't like anyone in general. By that logic though, since we don't like anyone, we won't become anyone else, including the poor and average. On the one hand, that's good news for INTJs that want to be rich and extraordinary, however by not liking anybody we may not become like anybody else ever.

In all seriousness though, if INTJs had to choose which sort of people to like, rich or poor, they'd probably choose rich. To be rich means to have resources which means to have freedom, and INTJs can never have enough freedom. So, we likely don't possess a dislike of the rich.

2. You think rich people are special.

The only people INTJs believe are special are those closest to them because it takes a certain kind of person to stand in the presence of an INTJ. Now, whether that's because INTJs are special themselves or more because these people have a lot of patience is a topic up for debate, but INTJs are not likely to think of the rich as being any more special than themselves. INTJs know they can do anything anyone else can do, even run a business. It may require us to leave our comfort zone, but that doesn't preclude us from doing it. Therefore, this is not a hurdle for INTJs.

3. You don´t spend enough time learning.

Do I really need to cover this one? I think we all know this isn't a problem for INTJs. The only way I could see this as a hurdle is if INTJs are not committed to learning the right things. They may become an expert in a particular field, but if they don't know how to turn that into a business, they may not get anywhere.

4. People easily make you feel guilty.

I apologize for the syntax and diction. This is how it was worded. I also feel a bit of an explanation is needed.

Bet David's point here was that with every comment directed at you, you feel guilty. People may not be out to shame you, but everything they say makes you feel guilty. I think this has to do with some sort of inferiority or impersonator complex as if you are this sensitive to criticism, then you likely don't think anything you do is a good idea or decision. As a result, if you made a choice to lead your life in a new way or start your own business, you'll instantly shut it down as soon as someone else says, "I don't think that's a good idea" or "You'll never make it."

I don't think this is a problem for INTJs. For starters, we don't feel guilty about anything we do as long as we've carefully considered the consequences and our reasons for our actions. If we have a whole list of reasons for doing what we do, you won't be able to make us feel guilty for doing it. The only way we can feel guilty is if we've acted in some way contrary to our own conscience, which is almost impossible unless we've gone through some sort of significant change.

5. You worry too much about what people think about you. &

6. You worry too little about what the right people (customers) think about you.

I'm combining these two since they're related. I think INTJs do worry about what other people think about them, however, this only pertains to the image that INTJs want to project and protect. This image is one of confidence, intelligence, efficiency, success, and competence. So long as people see these things in us, we don't really care what else they may see, even if they think we're cold, heartless, or a jerk. And since some of those qualities we want people to see in us are also qualities of successful businessmen, I don't think either of these two are an issue for us.

7. You listen to every single thing your parents tell you to do.

Bet David's point here is that while he loves his parents, they can't tell him diddly-squat about being an entrepreneur, businessman, or owning stocks and bonds, so why on earth would he listen to their advice about such things?

He definitely has a point. INTJs are so different from everyone else that I fear many of us are born into families that don't understand us; I know that's my situation. So, what can my parents tell me about being an indie author, a self-publisher, or even an online t-shirt business? Not much. Sure, their hearts are in the right place as they don't want failure and suffering to befall me, but the problem with that is that I would have to follow every bit of advice they have to give me. That wouldn't necessarily be terrible as my Old Man makes $100G+, has five weeks vacation, incredible benefits, a practically new house, a leased vehicle, a wife and healthy children, stock options, could end up retiring with half a million dollars, and he has all the comforts of home, but... that's not the life I want to live. Some of those things I want, but I think I could do better in a few areas.

I'm sure I'm not alone. I'm sure most INTJs feel this way. All those things are nice, but we want more or less. Therefore, we need to take a different path in life which means not listening to everything our parents tell us.

8. You're too loyal to family traditions.

Now, where Mr. Bet David says "traditions", he actually means "habits". He does mention some family traditions like religion and politics, but he also mentions things like diet and what to complain about. Regardless, his point is that some family traditions and habits are extremely limiting. If your father was a coal miner, and your grandfather was a coal miner, and your great-grandfather was a coal miner, and that's the reason why you're a coal miner, that's also the reason why you're not going to be rich. If you follow habits and traditions simply because that's what it means to be a Johnson, then you're never going to be rich.

As you can probably guess, this isn't an issue for INTJs. We're known as the enemy to tradition, although it should be said that we're only the enemy to pointless, redundant, or archaic traditions. Some traditions are good and should be preserved, however they will have to face a mountain of INTJ-brand scrutiny. Anyway, an INTJ is not likely to follow these sorts of traditions and habits, especially if they get in the way of what an INTJ truly desires. So if an INTJ desires to be rich, he will cut himself off from whatever he needs to.

9. You´re an expert at making excuses.

INTJs hate excuses, too. Again, this comes down to limiting beliefs. As long as you don't put limits on your beliefs, no excuse will hold up. I've caught myself doing this from time to time where I say to myself "I can't do that", and then my brain asks, "Why not?" and then I have to re-evaluate my position. In the end, my brain is often right. I have no excuse other than I choose to be lazy and comfortable with what I have rather than attempting to face a challenge and potentially failing. Sure, no one likes to fail, but if you really want what you really want, no excuses are going to hold you back. And since INTJs are masters of challenging thinking, including their own, there's really no reason why this should be a hurdle.

10. Your attitude sucks.

For this one, I don't really know what to think. Bet David's point was that money, and the world in general, is turned off my bad personalities. He says that money and people are attracted to positive attitudes. The problem with that though is how do you define "positive" and "negative"? On the one hand, INTJs believe they can do anything in the world, but they're also extremely critical; we believe in constantly improving ourselves, but we're not afraid to tell people that they suck and why; INTJs are ready to take the world by storm, but we don't necessarily want to share it, and if we do, it's only with certain people. 

So, I don't know what to think about this one. I think the INTJ personality is a good one (I am biased though), however, I will readily admit that a lot people probably don't like us because we're either too weird or too intense for them. They love what we think about ourselves and what we long to accomplish, but we do so with the attitude of a burning rhino looking for water. Now, it could be that we just don't match subjective definitions of "negative", but I'm still not sure, so this could be one sign that INTJs have that they won't be rich.

Conclusion:

So, can INTJs be rich? Well, we're missing nine of the ten hurdles mentioned by Bet David, which means according to him, we have at least a 90% chance of being rich someday, and that's a pretty good chance. Unfortunately, I haven't met many INTJs, so I cannot corroborate this claim. I guess I'll just have to find out myself through my own businesses.

***

Well, that was fun. I know I don't do many of these posts anymore, mostly because I felt like I was stealing someone else's content and just riding their coattails, but Mr. Bet David's video was a fun analysis since it pertains to many INTJs' possible futures.

For my next post, I'm going to do another Quick and Dirty INTJ Thought. The last one wasn't as popular as I thought it would be, but they do light up on Pinterest and Instagram. Anyway, until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

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Youtube: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar

Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughts #6: Fun Should Have A Point

Hey, everyone.

As promised, I'm back with another Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughts... much later than promised.

Anyway, so this one is about how INTJs don't do anything solely for the fun of it. My inspiration for this one comes from recent events in my life. Two weeks ago I went to a friend's house and played poker with him and a few others. Now, they all seemed to be there to have fun as they really got into the trash talk, and they were loose and fast with their betting. Not me; I was very cautious. I was there to win--I was out for blood--I wanted to make some money, honey! And I did. Not a lot, but hey, I still got paid.

Now, this isn't the only experience I've had with doing something and hoping to meld fun with a point. Back in the day, I was a part of an archery league, and often times, the range owner's wife would ask me if I was having fun. I would lie to her and say "yes." The reason I wasn't having fun was because I wasn't shooting well, and to be honest, I've got better things to do than suck at archery.

Basically, I don't want to partake in any activity that has no purpose. I'm too old to be wasting my time on fruitless endeavors and challenges. True, the only way I'm going to get better at certain activities is by practicing them, which means occasionally messing up or sucking at them, but let's be honest, performing under pressure has its virtues as it forces you to adapt and survive, whereas in rewardless practice, it doesn't matter if you fail because there's nothing at stake.

In conclusion, I don't do anything solely for fun. There are things I do for fun, but they also help me to fulfill a challenge and/or reach a goal. My fun has a point.

***

For next week, I found a video called "10 Signs You Won't Be Rich" by Valuetainment. So, here's the question: can INTJs be rich? We'll find out next time.

Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

Amazon: My Author Page
Facebook: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar
Patreon: Bryan C. Laesch

Instagram: Bryan C. Laesch
Twitter: BryanofallTrade
Youtube: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar

Are INTJs Creative People?

Hey, everyone.

As you know, I like to think of myself as a writer, and not just a blogger, but a novelist and poet, which is unusual for an INTJ. Speaking of, I found an article on Medium called "Writing and the Creative Life: 18 Things Highly Creative People Do Differently" and I thought it would be fun to see if INTJs qualify as "highly creative people". Of course, though, I'll be using myself as the metric and from I've gathered about our kind from social media. Let's see how we stack up.

1. They daydream.

I can't speak for all INTJs, but I know I daydream.  Although, some of my daydreams are about world conquest, or at the least conquest of ultimate efficiency, which would be a very INTJ-like fantasy, and therefore something INTJs would daydream about. And considering how much time INTJs spend in their own heads with their great ideas and revelations, it obviously takes some form of creativity in order to come up with all of that, so, INTJs probably daydream.

2. They observe everything.

This one is a bit double-edged. On the one hand, I'm very familiar with the image others have of us where they like to make jokes about how INTJs don't notice anything around them because we spend so much time in our heads; however, that has not been my experience. I don't know if it's because I have a well-tuned Se, or if it's the fact that I grew up with a father who is always planning and strategizing, regardless of task, but I like to think I notice everything. Well, maybe I don't observe everything, but I definitely observe more than nothing, and I think all INTJs have this capacity to some extent.

3. They work hours that work for them.

INTJs are known for being loners, doing what they want as opposed to following a set course, especially when it behooves them to. Now, true, a lot of INTJs work in fields where they work eight hours a day, but that's a limited view on "work". Taking myself as an example: while I work a job, I don't consider it "my work". My work is much grander, has a purpose, and can change the world. Usually it takes the shape of my writing, but can also include my thinking, my pursuit of knowledge, my reading, or even my teaching of others, which, guess what, don't all take place in my 9-5. I mean, sometimes my work does, but most of it takes place at night. Just the other day I tried writing during the day and it was an awful, mind-wrenching experience for reasons I don't understand; ergo, I work hours that work for me, whether it be times of convenience or times when I feel the least inhibited.

4. They take time for solitude.

This one should be obvious. INTJs are introverts, and then you throw intuitive thinking on top of that, or Ni, and you end up with the most introverted of the introverts. And like I said above, we are loners, so, do we take time for solitude? No, we take solitude for a time.

5. They turn life's obstacles around.

I'm not a hundred percent sure what to "turn life's obstacles around" means. I would go back to the source article, but apparently, the article from Medium was based on a similar article by Carolyn Gregoire from HuffPost who wrote examples for each of these, but I was not able to find it.

I'm going to assume that to "turn life's obstacles around" means finding a way to make a life obstacle work for you rather than against you. Unfortunately, I think this might be one where INTJs come up short. We are known for our perfectionistic tendencies, and when something doesn't match our ideal of perfection, we often obsess and fixate on it. So, I think INTJs aren't particularly good at this. We can solve problems, but we can't really make them work for us. And if we can't do either, then we ignore or destroy them. So, I think this is one we don't have.

6. They seek out new experiences.

Here's another one where I think INTJs come up a little short. We are judging types, so we're not the biggest fan of change. The thing about change is that it is often new or novel. The problem with novelty is that it's inefficient, and inefficiency hinders.

The only way I could see an INTJ seeking out new experiences is if they're new in a limited perspective. For instance, an INTJ might read every day at the same exact time. Thus, in keeping with that scope, a new experience may result in the INTJ reading a new book or a genre they wouldn't usually touch. That can be a new experience, and all the new experience an INTJ really needs.

7. They "fail up."

Here's another one where I could really use an explanation of its meaning. "Fail up"; I see two possible explanations for this: 

1. A person learns from their mistakes,

2. When a person does make a mistake, they still succeed in some way.

Of the two, I think the first one is more likely as the second requires a person to be more lucky than skilled or gifted creatively. After all, it isn't often that a person can screw something up and still come out of it fresher than daisies. So, can an INTJ learn from their mistakes?

Well, we won't ever know since INTJs are never wrong...

Relax, I'm joking, but only partially. INTJs are hardly ever wrong, so there really isn't a precedent set for them learning from their mistakes. However, seeing as how we're beings of relentless rationale, logic dictates that if we are ever proven wrong, we must admit fault and learn from our mistake. So, I would say that INTJs can indeed "fail up".

8.They ask big questions.

Here's another one I don't really have to explain. INTJs do not concern themselves with the small and mundane, and it is never enough for us that something "is"--we must also know "why" and "where it fits".

9. They people-watch.

This one sort of goes back to #2, about whether or not we observe everything. Bearing that in mind, there is obviously a split between INTJs: those who observe, and therefore people-watch, and those who don't.

One would think that since INTJs think so highly of themselves in comparison to regular people that they would have some knowledge regarding what regular people are like. True, they can learn that knowledge from a book or from a teacher, but they can also observe it for themselves. However, observing the faults and shortcomings of people is not the same as people-watching. Therefore, this one likely depends on each individual INTJ.

10. They take risks.

This one is interesting. On the one hand, I want to say the INTJ personality isn't predisposed to taking risks. We prefer to research and strategize so we can mitigate loss as much as possible. However, my uncle once told me I have a habit of letting my chips fall where they may, but I don't think this is the sort of risks the article is referring to.

Creative types can take risks without actually risking anything, such as wearing something strange or brightly colored to a funeral. Other than failing to read the room and being considered a total dolt, there's not much to risk here. Similarly, a creative person might wear a full tuxedo to a funeral, which while not totally appropriate, said person isn't dressed inappropriately. Therefore I think a creative person might take a risk drawing or writing in a style they're not familiar with, which may or may not be a loss regardless of what happens.

But the question is, would an INTJ take that sort of risk? Probably not, unless the specific INTJ was already prone to creative risks. Like I said, we try to mitigate risk.

11. They view all of life as an opportunity for self-expression.

I wouldn't say INTJs have this quality, but at the same time, I don't think we lack it. It's not so much we view all of life as an opportunity for self-expression, it's more we're going to express ourselves regardless of the opportunity. Of course though, the methods in which an INTJ will express himself are far more conservative and restricted, such as discussing existential morality at a house party rather than performing keg stands. So, I would INTJs have this quality, just not in the way one would expect.

12. They follow their true passions.

Ah! Whom are we talking about? INTJs. So, could the answer to this be anything other than "but of course"? True, an INTJ's passions may seem boring when compared to the passions of an ESFP or an ENTP, but INTJs are some of the most honest personalities in the whole world. Therefore, we cannot act counter to our passions because that would cause us to act counter to our natures, and the two are inseparable. So, yes, INTJs follow their true passions.

13. They get out of their own heads.

Very rarely, if ever, do INTJs get out of their own heads. Even when we need to give our brains a break, we still remain firmly planted within the realm of our own minds. More than that, we don't see the need to get out of our heads; not because we're scared, but because there's no virtue in it. Sure, we may research disparate theories, opinions, and perspectives, but we never leave our own heads. Even when attempting to use someone else's rationale to see things from their perspective, we still don't leave our own heads. Although, I think the real reason why INTJs don't leave their own heads is because they think it's a silly sentiment and infeasible action; therefore, we don't do it.

14. They lose track of the time.

Like #10, INTJs are not predisposed or stereotyped as beings who lose track of time. In fact, we're generally regarded as not losing track of anything. However, I know for my part that I can certainly lose track of time when I'm having fun, regardless of the activity, whether it be playing video games, bowling, reading, writing, or hanging out with friends. Surely, I cannot be the only INTJ who does this.

15. They surround themselves with beauty.

I don't know why you would want to surround yourself with ugliness. I also think it possible that this statement unintentionally offends uncreative people. Just because you aren't traditionally creative, doesn't mean your surroundings are unpleasant. More likely your surroundings are beautiful but in a utilitarian sense. I don't care what anyone says, you can find beauty in anything that is true or good, which can manifest as "useful".

16. They connect the dots.

Are you joking? Again, whom are we speaking about? INTJs, right? All we do is connect dots. That's what our Ni was born to do.

17. They constantly shake things up.

Well, just like with #11, INTJs don't constantly shake things up because they're trying to, we merely shake things up by virtue of who they are. One of our most notable traits is that we have a tendency to indulge in refreshingly brutal honesty, which is all you really need to shake things up, because, you know, everyone is lying.

18. They make time for mindfulness.

This one I'm torn about, because on the one hand, like I said earlier, I like to think INTJs are exceedingly aware, perspicacious almost, although obviously not everyone agrees. However, I think what they mean here by "mindfulness" is a state of being considerate of other people, which is again another area where it is believed INTJs fall short. I tend to disagree because when an INTJ lacks mindfulness or consideration, it's not due to incompetence. It's generally a very conscious decision in which we choose to ignore something because it has no import to us. But when it comes to those closest to us, or anything we care about greatly, we become the most mindful or aware persons in the world. And of course, we like to think we are very mindful of the things that actually matter in life, like why does the universe exist as opposed to who won the Oscars.

Conclusion

In summation, I don't entirely know where this leaves INTJs. This is by no means conclusive proof as to whether or not INTJs are creative. Point of fact, I think some INTJs are creative and some are not, however that's only when you regard creativity in a traditional sense. If you broaden the definition, I think all INTJs may fit it, because after all, in order to ask big questions and think about things in ways people don't usually think requires some level of creativity. Not to mention, you sort of have to be exceedingly creative if you plan on taking over the world someday; that's no mundane task.

***

So then, what will I do for next time? I'm not entirely sure, but those Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughts are awfully popular on Pinterest, so maybe I'll invest some time in those. But we shall see.

Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

Amazon: My Author Page
Facebook: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar
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Instagram: Bryan C. Laesch
Twitter: BryanofallTrade
Youtube: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar

10 Qualities I've Decided to Look for in My Ideal Match Thanks to Having Dinner with an ISFJ

Hey, everyone.

So, I know I was supposed to cover the Gothic qualities of the INTJ this week, but I still need some time with that one. Plus, the inspiration for this post struck like lightning, and since Valentine's Day was yesterday, this post is topical. Anyway...

Last week I had dinner with a friend, and yes, she is definitely just a friend. Seeing as how her hair was up in a ponytail, she was wearing glasses that remind me of a pair my grandmother once had, and that she was wearing a baggy sweater instead of a form-fitting one, this was definitely just "dinner with a friend" for her.

However, it would be totally inaccurate to say I had no interest or curiosity in dating her at all. The purpose of our tryst was for me to pick her brain on ways to build our young adult group at church, but I also used it as a sort of "test date" to see how compatible she and I are. As it turns out, despite the both of us being very Catholic and able to get along swimmingly, I don't think we would make a very good couple.

Now, I knew going into the meeting she was an ISFJ, so I knew to check my INTJ-ness. There was really only one point where it really showed--that is to say, there was only one point where I was little argumentative and maybe a little more aggressive than I should have been since I knew I was right--but the "date" was still very interesting as it gave me some great insight into 10 qualities I would love for my ideal match to have.

Before I begin though, I must preface this post by saying that I understand that not all of these qualities are ISFJ-like. Some are completely dependent on the fact that my friend is an entirely different person from me and has had a unique life. Point of fact, I could have dinner with seven different personalities and likewise pull 10 qualities for an ideal match from the experience. So, I'm not claiming that all ISFJs are like this, and I'm not writing--or at the least, not trying to write--a criticism of my friend, although there will be places where the article tends that way. Now, then...

1. Comfortable with Her Own Thoughts

After we were seated, I adhered to the more basic cordialities by asking my friend how work had been. She works with mentally challenged children, tending to their learning needs in whatever shape that may take, from simple arithmetic to how to use the bathroom. She said that for the most part that work had been fine, but at the end of January, beginning of February, Michigan experienced a "deep freeze", during which time, many schools were shut down. Well, my friend still had to work, but since the child she works with didn't show those days, she said she had a lot of time to herself, which wasn't a good thing for her.

Apparently, my friend doesn't do well under poorly constructed conditions, meaning the only place she can turn to at such a time is within and to her own thoughts. She confessed she wasn't very comfortable with that. I was a little surprised since my friend isn't the stereotypical ISFJ. ISFJs aren't known for pursuing higher education, but my friend is looking to get into graduate school, so I thought she could handle her thoughts, meaning she was in touch with her inferior function (Ne).

This sudden confession from her that she couldn't handle her own thoughts was sort of startling and discomforting to me as I am very comfortable with my thoughts. It was at that time I decided I would like a girl who can handle her own thoughts without being perturbed.

2. Grateful

Now, since most of these qualities are going to sound like criticisms of my friend, I decided to include this one about gratefulness, not just for her sake, but also because I think it's an attractive quality in women.

So, when my friend and I decided to make plans to meet, I immediately decided I would pay for it. Partly because I saw it as a "proto-date" and partly because I had the feeling the situation might've felt a little awkward for her and therefore easier to swallow if it didn't cost her anything. After all, it did sort of come out of nowhere. But I also did it because I am trying to be more traditionally manly, and there's nothing wrong with treating a girl respectfully with whom nothing romantic may develop.

So, indeed, she was grateful that I was willing to cover dinner--and the tip--but she also thanked me for being considerate of the fact she's vegan. Before we ordered, I asked her if it would bother her if I ate meat, to which she said it wouldn't, and then she thanked me for my concern since most people don't bother. Now, usually I wouldn't give a damn about a vegan's feelings because most vegans are self-righteous, holier-than-thou types, but my friend's main concern regarding meat is the consumption of growth hormones, which I think is legitimate. (Although, it's not enough of a concern for me because for all I know the reason why I'm almost six-and-a-half feet tall is due to BGH.)

But the point is, when she thanked me at both intervals, her overall demeanor was very sweet and I felt like I got a glimpse into the true personality of my friend, so gratefulness is an attribute I'll be looking for in my dates from now on.

3. Knows How to Debate

This one is a little weird, because if you've been reading my blog for a while now, you'll know I don't attribute myself to the idea that INTJs love to debate. I mean, I can see why people would think that, but I personally hate doing it because of the possible conflict that may surface as a result. Plus, it's just infuriating when you know you're right, but the other person doesn't seem to be able to appreciate that. Anyway...

When I told my friend that her fears regarding BGH are legitimate, she said there were other reasons too, including that she is lactose intolerant and that veganism is better for the environment. Well, that last point isn't entirely true.

I had heard stories about the claim that veganism is more sustainable for the environment, and curious to see if it was true, I did some investigating and found an article that basically said it wasn't. (I unfortunately don't remember where it came from.) Turns out, out of a list of 11 different diets, veganism fell to number 5, with standard omnivore diets--which is where I fall--was at number 4. The top spot belonged to regular vegetarianism that allowed for the consumption of eggs and dairy products.

Obviously, my friend found this interesting and I explained the two reasons why this is so: 1. A lot of energy goes into the production of food, regardless of it being meat or vegetables, however, meat also has a high output of energy when digested whereas veggies don't, and 2. Land that is used for growing crops is nutrient dense whereas land used to grow grass to feed cows is nutritionally bankrupt. In other words, if we tried growing crops where we pasture cows, we'd get bad crops, and if we grew grass on nutritional ground, it would be a waste.

My friend however still tried to defend her lifestyle by saying that it still requires a lot more energy to produce meat than it does to produce crops. Well, that might be true, especially when you consider the fact that you have to slaughter cows in addition to feeding them, but my first point already covered this part of the argument: indeed, meat is costly in terms of energy input, but its energy output is also significantly higher than the output of vegetables.

Getting back to my friend and the point of this quality, when my friend tried to argue against me, even after I had already "won", it did feel like she was trying to save as much face as possible or that she was trying to defend a sinking ship. So, another quality I would like in a future match is a girl who knows how to debate properly and can accept defeat gracefully.

(Also, my friend's argument that nuts and beans are good sources of protein doesn't hold much water either. Nuts and legumes contain only a fraction of the protein that lean meat does, and at much higher calorie levels and in larger servings. So, lean meat is the decided victor in this fight.)

4. Doesn't Use "Like" So Much

Now, this is one of those qualities that is almost certainly not an ISFJ trait. Anyway, during dinner, I noticed that my friend used "like", like a lot. Like, a lot-lot. Like, a valley-girl a lot. I swear she once used "like" about 20 times in a span of two minutes, and it wasn't when she was stalling for time to put her thoughts together. What really burned me was when I started doing it the longer our conversation went on.

Admittedly, this isn't the worst character trait in the world, and it would certainly not be a deal breaker for me, however it is sort of annoying and it's a trait I could do without.

5. Uses "I feel" When Appropriate

There are plenty of articles out there that discuss at length how INTJs don't use their emotions and typically tend to think their feelings. Now, seeing as how I was dealing with a Feeling type, I really should've expected this sort of communication behavior. I say "communication" because it isn't simply a speaking behavior, but is inherent in how my friend, and probably Feeling types in general, communicate. They feel their thoughts and then express them in sentences that start with "I feel".

Now, to be fair, I did use "I feel" a number of times, too. However, this could have either been because her speech patterns were wearing off on me, or it had to do with the fact that the things that I felt, I legitimately felt, but not in the way you may be thinking.

Whenever I started a phrase with "I feel", I wasn't speaking about an emotion, but rather a feeling I had about some great, somewhat still hidden truth. The best way I can describe it is as a psychic feeling, and in the world of the paranormal, there is a psychic ability where a person knows a fact about something without any rational or logical evidence: claircognizance. However, there is another term for it that my INTJ brethren will immediately recognize--intuition. That's right, intuition is the ability to know something without really knowing it.

Getting back to my point, whenever I used "I feel" at the start of a sentence, this was the sort of feeling I was talking about. Now, it's possible my friend also meant it this way, but I wouldn't feel comfortable gambling on that when it comes to Feeling types. So, for my ideal match, I would like a girl who knows when to use "I feel" and when to use "I think."

6. Timely

When it comes to the time of meetings, I am a stickler. I'm nearly almost early for everything. A part of it is I like being on time, but another part is that it shows the other person that you respect and value their time. By not showing up on time, you're basically saying that your time and yourself are more important than the other person's. Now, my friend wasn't extraordinarily late by any measure, but 6 PM is 6 PM. It is not 6:03. I know my friend is busy and that she had asked if we could push the time back by a half hour, but having honored these allowances, she really should have been there on time, or even five to ten minutes early... like I was. Seriously, I got there at ten to.

Now, I don't wish to make this sound like I'm railing against my friend. After all, three minutes is only three minutes, but timeliness is a quality I look for in all people, and especially those closest to me, and especially-especially those I may end up romantically involved with. Again, being on time or even early shows respect for the other person and their time.

7. Maturity of Thought

So during dinner, I noticed some glaring immaturities in the thought processes of my friend. The biggest example of the night came when she told me that she thinks she could make it as a solo, female traveler but then admitted she's usually far too trusting. Now, for my fellow INTJs I don't need to point out what's wrong with this statement, but for everyone else...

My problem here is that my friend is aware of her habit of trusting too easily, and it must be a problem for her otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned it or mentioned it the way she did, and then to admit that she wishes to embark on an adventure where she may find herself at the mercy of strangers--including strangers who don't speak English and who love naïve, trusting American girls for all the wrong reasons--I sort of wanted to slap her upside the head and shout "THINK!" at her.

If you have a desire to do something, but you know you have a weakness that may endanger yourself in the adventure of that something, then you really shouldn't embark on that adventure until after you have resolved your weakness. To not do so--to just shrug and think "Enh, good enough"--well, that's really immature. Sort of like a person who knows they have to get up early for work the next morning, but instead spends the night drinking.

As a result, I now know definitively that I like a girl who is aware of her weaknesses and isn't willing to take stupid risks with them.

8. A Little Distrusting of the World

Thanks to number 7, I don't need to go into too much detail here, but basically, I appreciate a girl who knows what's going on in the world and takes steps to avoid trouble. When my friend told me she wanted to travel the world alone in van and "couch-surf", something within me became very agitated. I don't know if it's my natural tendency to distrust the world or my natural masculine desire to protect cute, vulnerable girls with more ambition than sense--maybe it's both--but this wouldn't fly with me, especially not within the confines of a romantic relationship. Anywhere my girlfriend/wife goes, I go as her sworn protector, even if that means going to New York, California, or Chicago, three places I have sworn off. And if I can't go with her, then guess who's going in my place? Smith and Wesson.

So, I would like a girl who is sort of wary of the world, and would be willing to allow me to accompany her on her travels.

9. Aware of Herself and Habits

I guess this one is just a reiteration of numbers 7 and 8. Seriously, I can't stress it enough how important is it to me that my ideal match be aware of herself, her habits, her strengths, and her weaknesses. Some people claim INTJs don't know these things about ourselves because our heads are always in the clouds. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but we're very cognizant of our own strengths and weaknesses.

Ergo, it is important to me that my match be as well. Confidence in her abilities as well as confidence in being able to admit where she's weak are very admirable qualities because she knows where she stands and I'll know where she stands.

10. Lack of Food Objections

This one definitely can't be linked to the ISFJ personality, but it does help make an even ten.

Anyway, like I said, I don't usually care for vegans and vegetarians because they're often holier-than-thou types, but I also have a bit of an issue with lactose intolerance as well as peanut allergies. Believe it or not, I love peanut butter and milk. I also love milk chocolate--dark chocolate can burn in Hell--and I love peanut butter and chocolate. And I also really dig meat. True, some meat really doesn't have a flavor unless it's seasoned, but when it is, it is delicious! Burgers, chicken, bacon! Yum!

So, when it comes to the last quality of my ideal match, I really do prefer a girl who can eat anything and is willing to try everything at least once. True, I am a picky eater myself, but I can't imagine living with someone who is pickier than me, and can't or won't eat any of the things that I myself absolutely love. So, to keep things nice and simple, I really do want a girl who has a lack of food objections.

Conclusion:

So, where does this all leave me other than with ten qualities I would like to see in my ideal match? Well, it's a clear indicator that my friend is not the girl for me--at least not at this stage of her life--but that doesn't mean I'm swearing off ISFJs. Personality does not affect maturity.

On the positive side, my chat with her did reinforce other qualities I knew I wanted in a girl: practicing Catholic, polite, easy on the swearing, and easy to get along with. True, I could pick apart my friend further, but I didn't write this to point out the faults in my friend--I wrote this to show which qualities I would like my ideal match to have and why the opposites of those qualities are so unattractive.

***

For my next post, I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm starting to have second thoughts about the Gothicism of INTJs and perhaps that's just a reflection of me, meanwhile I'd love to examine an article I saw on Medium that analyzed the ways in which creative people live differently, and I wanted to apply that theory to INTJs. Well, we'll see what happens. 

Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

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