How INTJs Communicate: An Informal Analysis

Hey, everyone.

So, for this week I wanted to do a post on some of the dating troubles INTJs face, especially my own, but I'm having major writer's block regarding how to start the post. So instead, I decided to do a very informal analysis of the way INTJs tend to/are likely to speak and why. This idea was born from something I noticed about the way I think and talk at work. So...

Different from Everyone Else

It's no secret that INTJs are different from everyone else, and unlike INTPs who are quite adept at (socially) camouflaging their differences, INTJs tend to take pride in standing out. Now, besides our arrogant attitudes, our otherworldly auras, and our disdain to sweat the minutia of other people's lives, we also stand out in how we talk and communicate. A friend of mine actually commented on how blatant this difference was as I tend to write my stories in the same sort of voice as I speak. I don't remember how she described it, but if I were to classify our diction and syntax, they tend to be quite technical, formal, and educated. But what does that mean exactly?

Technical

We INTJs are obsessed with perfection and efficiency. As a result, we take great care in everything we do often thinking a task to death before undertaking it. This applies to our speech in that we are the sort of people in the world who still use "whom" and we use it correctly. We will also strive to not end our sentences with a preposition, and we'll stay far away from double negatives. We also try to make sure the way we speak matches the scenario we're in. Some people might be prone to using words like "thingamabob" and "whatchamacallit," even at business executive levels, but INTJs would never do that unless they're really relaxed in the situation. Otherwise, we're going to use words like "consolidation" and "liquidize."

Formal

Of course though, being in any formal atmosphere is a good enough reason to use a word like "consolidate." For instance, I work at a pet store and my main duty is stocking. The most important items I stock are dog and cat food. Now, while I generally loathe stocking excess dog food on the top  shelves, since most of them are 30+ lbs. and I don't feel steady on the ladder-stairs, but we got in a shipment of a brand that when I was hired in, we didn't have much of. Now we have enough that we have to store the excess on the top shelf. We also had a few bags here and there piled in with other brands. So I decided to consolidate all that one particular brand to one location on the shelf, which then caused me to consolidate several other brands. And that's exactly how I thought about my task: "I consolidated all the Fromm, Acana, Orijen, and Zignature into their own sections."

Another instance of this formal thinking and speaking is that while I was on register recently, the computer told me that a cash drop needed to be performed. Now, I don't know what a "cash drop" is exactly, but I know it must be done by a manager, there's always less money in the register as a result, and they have to print out a receipt at the end of the procedure to balance the books. Anyway, when I finally ran out of customers and was able to request a cash drop, I pulled up my radio's microphone--not my walkie-talkie, but my radio's mic--and said, "Register 1 requires a cash drop." I identified which register I was at, I used the word "required," and I said what needed to be done. I didn't say, "Hey, Jeff or Christine, or whoever isn't busy, I need you up front." No, I got to the point and used the business lingo.

Educated

And speaking of lingo, the clear example from the above scenario is that I said "required" instead of "needed." I chose the fancier word. Another example of this is that I  texted my friend Mary to see if she was still planning on attending our alma mater's homecoming game this Friday. Originally, I intended on texting her, "Hey, do you still intend on coming to the game this Friday?" But I decided to change "intend" to "plan." I did this for a number of reasons, primarily because I thought "intend" might come off as rude as if I didn't believe her intentions to be there, but my first instinct was to use "intend" instead of "plan" because as an INTJ, I prefer the word "intend" because its a more educated sounding word.

Another example is that I am more prone to asking customers "Do you require any assistance?" rather than "Do you need some help?" I may think the phrase "Do you need some help?" but the phrase "Do you require any assistance?" comes out. Also, instead of saying "A dog peed on our floor," I'll say "A dog urinated on our floor." While this is an example of education, I must admit that it's more of an example of formality since I don't like to use "pee" in front of other people. I'll say it about myself, but I won't say it about myself in front of others because I don't want to be seen as immature, and that leads us to why INTJs talk like they do.

It's All about Image

You ever hear the saying "the clothes make the man," or that "you should dress for the job you want?" Well, for INTJs we want to give off a certain image of ourselves. That image is of one who is competent, resourceful, intelligent, and capable. As a result, we act more business-like or even military-like when we're with other people. We don't want to be lumped in with all the other braindead slobs. Like I said, we stand out due to our word choice and word order, and my point is that we do that on purpose. Whereas we could act and speak like everyone else--it would be efficient after all--we choose not to, and since we take pride in our education and character, going above and beyond the call of duty in communication fits us like a speedo.

A Multitude of Perceptions

The other thing that I should mention is that because INTJs have such expansive vocabularies, that means there are a lot of words floating around in our heads, and many of these words have similar, not the same, but similar definitions. And while we don't give one iota about the minutia of your life, we will study the minute differences between all these words and use them exactly where they belong.

A good example is the difference between the words "speak," "talk," and "tell." I first noticed the difference between "speak" and "tell" when I studied Italian at college. In Italian, we have the word "parlare" for "speak" and "dire" for "tell." I thought it an odd discrepancy at first, but when you think about it, to have someone speak to/with you and to have someone else tell you (something), both scenarios have two very different contexts. In the latter, a person is merely giving you a piece of information whereas in the other it's implied that a conversation took place, possibly even an important one. A conversation can also take place with "talk," but it's often regarded as an informal or general conversation. And therefore, being an INTJ I hate small talk preferring to speak with people, and I loathe it when someone else tells me my business.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, I can't really capture the way INTJs speak in such a short blog post. Like I said, this is an informal analysis, and without some concrete comparisons to the other types, it's all hearsay. However, eagle-eyed readers may have picked up on the uniqueness of my writing voice which is quite distinct. It's not the sort of writing or voice you'd expect to see on a personal blog. In fact, this post and the blog itself are perhaps the best examples I can give of how INTJs communicate. I mean, how many people use "minutia" or would say how INTJs "communicate" as opposed to how INTJs "talk?" The difference is quite obvious and I'm proud of it.

***

Well, that started off as interesting post, but I'll be honest, I felt like I was beating a dead horse at the end and felt like I had run out of examples. This post started strong and petered out. Unfortunate, but it's not a real analysis, so oh well. But if you want to make sure you never miss an INTJ analysis, formal or informal, from yours truly, please join my mailing list. And with the generous support you can give me through Patreon, I can keep writing analyses on INTJs and even make some of them quite formal indeed.

For next week, I'm really going to cover INTJs and their dating troubles, come Hell or high water. Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

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Five Qualities of Religion that Appeal to INTJs

Hey, everyone.

So, I posted the question of which topic people would like to see next on my blog, but no one voted for anything so I had to make a decision. I decided to cover the topic of being both religious and an INTJ because I thought it would be the most interesting one to delve into, especially since INTJs are the least likely of all the types to be religious. But after I realized that the answer was one of two things, either because I choose to or because I was indoctrinated so well that I don't realize I have been and think that I choose to, I realized that that answer sucks.

The question I should really address is why would an INTJ be religious? What qualities would a religion need to have in order to appeal to an INTJ? That makes for a far more interesting blog post, as well as an easier one because people are sluts for lists. Seriously, how much more likely are you to watch a vid or read a post because it says the top 10, 7, or 5 things or reasons for whatever the hell?So, here are five qualities of religion that appeal to INTJs. (I'm sure there are more, but these five are the most relevant to me.)

1. Theology Based Off Faith and Reason

If you were to ask me why I like Catholicism so much and why I think other religions, including other branches of Christianity, are weak-sauce, the first thing that would come to my mind is Catholic theology. Catholicism has an extensive and complex theology. Don't believe me? You've obviously never picked up a copy of the Catechism, and that's just the start since the Catechism is an abridged version of multiple documents called "dogmatic constitutions" as well as theses like Aquinas' Summa Theologica. And while INTJs like things extensive and complex, that doesn't necessarily make those things likeable. So what is it about that extensive and complex theology that appeals to me as an INTJ?

Well, Catholic theology is based off two things: faith and reason. It takes the belief "God exists," and then breaks that down into rational thought to discover the truth of it. While I admit that if you can't accept the premise, then you're not going to have any thoughts or discover any truth about the statement. However, Aquinas did take the via negativa (negative way) to uncover the truth behind certain theological precepts including the existence of God. He looked at why God couldn't exist first, proved them wrong through common perceptions, and then came to the conclusion that God did.

I know it's easy to get down on the Catholic Church these days and say it isn't rational what with all the sex and pedophiliac scandals, but I would argue that anyone who indulges in such behavior is not of Christ's body (which is the Church), and that being the case, you can't waggle your finger at the Church to shame her since they're not a part of the club--they just pretended to be and lied to everyone about it. That's one of the problems with having a Faith based off reason--it, like all academia based off reason and thought, can be taught. Since the theology is treated like fact, it's taught like fact, and so anyone who touts it expertly is accepted as a representative or evangelist of the Church by those outside it. But I digress...

One of the issues I have with some Protestant faiths, as well as Californian-based "religions" made up by a guy that could professionally qualify as a "dude," is that they seem to be based off feelings or accepting the Bible at face value. That's not the Catholic Church. We're often seen as a guilt-ridden Faith or that we don't want people to have fun. We don't want people wallowing in sin, true enough, but wallowing in guilt and shame can be just as bad. The truth of the Faith is that we want people to think about the Faith, think about God, and think about His will and choose to do it.

The first part of that is an act of reason and the second part is an act of faith, which when applied to an INTJ take the forms of thinking and intuition. That's what I was getting at. Catholicism, when done right, is a religion built by NTs. This is probably news to a lot of you since the message of the Faith is often watered down so it can be easily understood by all. It's also often made more digestible so we don't lose parishioners to more digestible beliefs. It's actually a very academically intense religion, which tickles NTs pink. INTJs can be religious, they can be faithful, but they need a rational reason to do so.

2. Admittance of/to Free Will

One very interesting thing that I've been hearing about a lot lately is that love is a choice, not a feeling. Romance or eros is a feeling, but to love someone, to put their needs before yours, even when you don't want to or even when it may cost you something dear, that's a choice. And in order to have that ability to choose, you must have free will.

INTJs don’t like feeling out of control. We don’t believe in destiny or fate, and things are compounded further by the fact that INTJs have a “my way or the highway” kind of attitude. It’s very important to us that we do things our way. Even if we make a mistake, as long as we did it our way, that still grants us some satisfaction, especially when we can own up to it because many people cannot.

So, although many religions tend to drive this idea of trusting in God’s will and being subservient to it, Catholicism still admits to the existence of free will, of choice. We can choose to do what we want, whether those are good or bad choices, and God does not interfere. People, and especially INTJs, don’t like being forced to follow someone else’s will, especially when it counters our own on a very fundamental level. So the fact that the greatest power in the universe, the one who is responsible for our creation, is perfectly willing to allow us to make our own decisions, we respect that. And because respect is shown to our abilities and desires, we are more likely to respect God's abilities and desires.

3. Strict Moral Code

Like I mentioned above, INTJs get a certain kind of satisfaction from owning up to their mistakes; we enjoy certain disciplines, rules, and rigidity. One of the things I can get behind about Catholicism is its moral code. True, it’s not always easy to live up to, but INTJs do sometimes falter according to their own codes of honor. We don't often admit it, but we do. But anyway, I respect the morality of the Faith. I believe it has my best intentions at heart, especially since I have mostly lived according to it all my life, and I don't have many of the problems that some people do. I attribute that to being brought up with the proper morality, and to some extent, many secular types would deem me to be an honorable man. Both not having problems and the respect of others appeals to me. 

4. Forgiveness for Failure and Recognition in Our Trials

Like I said, honor and morality is not always easy--we falter. And although INTJs are not very self-forgiving, God fortunately is. True, God does judge us, but He does so from a perspective of mercy, and INTJs, although we don’t like to admit it, we need someone in our lives to show us mercy. (Just like how we need someone in our lives to hug us, even though we don’t like to admit to that either.)

The other thing is that God recognizes our trials and attempts--He likes to see us try. Some may think that strange, but I mean, who isn’t flattered when someone we like makes an attempt to please us or tries to get to know us better? If God truly loves us and desires to have a relationship with us, then He should be pleased with our attempts to live according to His will, right?

5. It Challenges Me to be Perfect

Although many people see the Ten Commandments as buzzkills or only exist as some sort of devious plot to manipulate us, I believe the Commandments exist to make us more like God. After all, God’s purpose is to make our souls perfect. And speaking of perfection, INTJs f*cking love it. We pursue it nigh relentlessly, and despite the pressure we feel from that, the fact that there’s a religion and a deity out there that wants the same thing we do, we can support that. INTJs are not looking for the easy way out. Maybe the most efficient way, but not the easy way. We know that in our heart of hearts that we are meant for greater things, and religion teaches us that God believes that also. But we must become great in order to do great things.

Conclusion

Now, admittedly there are qualities of religion that don't appeal to us like always trusting in God or having faith that He's there because sometimes it feels like He isn't, and sometimes He doesn't do things the way we'd like them to be done. But these are all issues that everyone has. Not to mention, life does seem easier, in some regards, when you live according to His will, almost like that saying "God helps those who help themselves" is true.

For me, the good things about religion infinitely outweigh the bad things. So, in those moments when I feel despair, in those moments when I think God has abandoned me, and in those moments where I feel like saying "f*ck it!" and committing every sin in the book, I still (re)turn to the Faith because it has several good points that keep me coming back.

***

Well, I hope that was insightful, and did the job I wrote it for. I rebel quite hard against the stereotypical INTJ qualities that don't match myself, and hopefully this post explains why the not being religious one doesn't match up to me. And if you want to see more of this type of thing and never miss a beat, please join my mailing list, or really show me the love and please consider supporting me on Patreon. Even $1 a month will prove that you love me.

For next week, I'm going to cover INTJs and sex. It will actually be a reflection on dating troubles and why INTJs have them. It won't be in-depth, but I did have a few revelations when I was thinking about my own girl troubles recently. Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

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