Are INTJs Creative People?

Hey, everyone.

As you know, I like to think of myself as a writer, and not just a blogger, but a novelist and poet, which is unusual for an INTJ. Speaking of, I found an article on Medium called "Writing and the Creative Life: 18 Things Highly Creative People Do Differently" and I thought it would be fun to see if INTJs qualify as "highly creative people". Of course, though, I'll be using myself as the metric and from I've gathered about our kind from social media. Let's see how we stack up.

1. They daydream.

I can't speak for all INTJs, but I know I daydream.  Although, some of my daydreams are about world conquest, or at the least conquest of ultimate efficiency, which would be a very INTJ-like fantasy, and therefore something INTJs would daydream about. And considering how much time INTJs spend in their own heads with their great ideas and revelations, it obviously takes some form of creativity in order to come up with all of that, so, INTJs probably daydream.

2. They observe everything.

This one is a bit double-edged. On the one hand, I'm very familiar with the image others have of us where they like to make jokes about how INTJs don't notice anything around them because we spend so much time in our heads; however, that has not been my experience. I don't know if it's because I have a well-tuned Se, or if it's the fact that I grew up with a father who is always planning and strategizing, regardless of task, but I like to think I notice everything. Well, maybe I don't observe everything, but I definitely observe more than nothing, and I think all INTJs have this capacity to some extent.

3. They work hours that work for them.

INTJs are known for being loners, doing what they want as opposed to following a set course, especially when it behooves them to. Now, true, a lot of INTJs work in fields where they work eight hours a day, but that's a limited view on "work". Taking myself as an example: while I work a job, I don't consider it "my work". My work is much grander, has a purpose, and can change the world. Usually it takes the shape of my writing, but can also include my thinking, my pursuit of knowledge, my reading, or even my teaching of others, which, guess what, don't all take place in my 9-5. I mean, sometimes my work does, but most of it takes place at night. Just the other day I tried writing during the day and it was an awful, mind-wrenching experience for reasons I don't understand; ergo, I work hours that work for me, whether it be times of convenience or times when I feel the least inhibited.

4. They take time for solitude.

This one should be obvious. INTJs are introverts, and then you throw intuitive thinking on top of that, or Ni, and you end up with the most introverted of the introverts. And like I said above, we are loners, so, do we take time for solitude? No, we take solitude for a time.

5. They turn life's obstacles around.

I'm not a hundred percent sure what to "turn life's obstacles around" means. I would go back to the source article, but apparently, the article from Medium was based on a similar article by Carolyn Gregoire from HuffPost who wrote examples for each of these, but I was not able to find it.

I'm going to assume that to "turn life's obstacles around" means finding a way to make a life obstacle work for you rather than against you. Unfortunately, I think this might be one where INTJs come up short. We are known for our perfectionistic tendencies, and when something doesn't match our ideal of perfection, we often obsess and fixate on it. So, I think INTJs aren't particularly good at this. We can solve problems, but we can't really make them work for us. And if we can't do either, then we ignore or destroy them. So, I think this is one we don't have.

6. They seek out new experiences.

Here's another one where I think INTJs come up a little short. We are judging types, so we're not the biggest fan of change. The thing about change is that it is often new or novel. The problem with novelty is that it's inefficient, and inefficiency hinders.

The only way I could see an INTJ seeking out new experiences is if they're new in a limited perspective. For instance, an INTJ might read every day at the same exact time. Thus, in keeping with that scope, a new experience may result in the INTJ reading a new book or a genre they wouldn't usually touch. That can be a new experience, and all the new experience an INTJ really needs.

7. They "fail up."

Here's another one where I could really use an explanation of its meaning. "Fail up"; I see two possible explanations for this: 

1. A person learns from their mistakes,

2. When a person does make a mistake, they still succeed in some way.

Of the two, I think the first one is more likely as the second requires a person to be more lucky than skilled or gifted creatively. After all, it isn't often that a person can screw something up and still come out of it fresher than daisies. So, can an INTJ learn from their mistakes?

Well, we won't ever know since INTJs are never wrong...

Relax, I'm joking, but only partially. INTJs are hardly ever wrong, so there really isn't a precedent set for them learning from their mistakes. However, seeing as how we're beings of relentless rationale, logic dictates that if we are ever proven wrong, we must admit fault and learn from our mistake. So, I would say that INTJs can indeed "fail up".

8.They ask big questions.

Here's another one I don't really have to explain. INTJs do not concern themselves with the small and mundane, and it is never enough for us that something "is"--we must also know "why" and "where it fits".

9. They people-watch.

This one sort of goes back to #2, about whether or not we observe everything. Bearing that in mind, there is obviously a split between INTJs: those who observe, and therefore people-watch, and those who don't.

One would think that since INTJs think so highly of themselves in comparison to regular people that they would have some knowledge regarding what regular people are like. True, they can learn that knowledge from a book or from a teacher, but they can also observe it for themselves. However, observing the faults and shortcomings of people is not the same as people-watching. Therefore, this one likely depends on each individual INTJ.

10. They take risks.

This one is interesting. On the one hand, I want to say the INTJ personality isn't predisposed to taking risks. We prefer to research and strategize so we can mitigate loss as much as possible. However, my uncle once told me I have a habit of letting my chips fall where they may, but I don't think this is the sort of risks the article is referring to.

Creative types can take risks without actually risking anything, such as wearing something strange or brightly colored to a funeral. Other than failing to read the room and being considered a total dolt, there's not much to risk here. Similarly, a creative person might wear a full tuxedo to a funeral, which while not totally appropriate, said person isn't dressed inappropriately. Therefore I think a creative person might take a risk drawing or writing in a style they're not familiar with, which may or may not be a loss regardless of what happens.

But the question is, would an INTJ take that sort of risk? Probably not, unless the specific INTJ was already prone to creative risks. Like I said, we try to mitigate risk.

11. They view all of life as an opportunity for self-expression.

I wouldn't say INTJs have this quality, but at the same time, I don't think we lack it. It's not so much we view all of life as an opportunity for self-expression, it's more we're going to express ourselves regardless of the opportunity. Of course though, the methods in which an INTJ will express himself are far more conservative and restricted, such as discussing existential morality at a house party rather than performing keg stands. So, I would INTJs have this quality, just not in the way one would expect.

12. They follow their true passions.

Ah! Whom are we talking about? INTJs. So, could the answer to this be anything other than "but of course"? True, an INTJ's passions may seem boring when compared to the passions of an ESFP or an ENTP, but INTJs are some of the most honest personalities in the whole world. Therefore, we cannot act counter to our passions because that would cause us to act counter to our natures, and the two are inseparable. So, yes, INTJs follow their true passions.

13. They get out of their own heads.

Very rarely, if ever, do INTJs get out of their own heads. Even when we need to give our brains a break, we still remain firmly planted within the realm of our own minds. More than that, we don't see the need to get out of our heads; not because we're scared, but because there's no virtue in it. Sure, we may research disparate theories, opinions, and perspectives, but we never leave our own heads. Even when attempting to use someone else's rationale to see things from their perspective, we still don't leave our own heads. Although, I think the real reason why INTJs don't leave their own heads is because they think it's a silly sentiment and infeasible action; therefore, we don't do it.

14. They lose track of the time.

Like #10, INTJs are not predisposed or stereotyped as beings who lose track of time. In fact, we're generally regarded as not losing track of anything. However, I know for my part that I can certainly lose track of time when I'm having fun, regardless of the activity, whether it be playing video games, bowling, reading, writing, or hanging out with friends. Surely, I cannot be the only INTJ who does this.

15. They surround themselves with beauty.

I don't know why you would want to surround yourself with ugliness. I also think it possible that this statement unintentionally offends uncreative people. Just because you aren't traditionally creative, doesn't mean your surroundings are unpleasant. More likely your surroundings are beautiful but in a utilitarian sense. I don't care what anyone says, you can find beauty in anything that is true or good, which can manifest as "useful".

16. They connect the dots.

Are you joking? Again, whom are we speaking about? INTJs, right? All we do is connect dots. That's what our Ni was born to do.

17. They constantly shake things up.

Well, just like with #11, INTJs don't constantly shake things up because they're trying to, we merely shake things up by virtue of who they are. One of our most notable traits is that we have a tendency to indulge in refreshingly brutal honesty, which is all you really need to shake things up, because, you know, everyone is lying.

18. They make time for mindfulness.

This one I'm torn about, because on the one hand, like I said earlier, I like to think INTJs are exceedingly aware, perspicacious almost, although obviously not everyone agrees. However, I think what they mean here by "mindfulness" is a state of being considerate of other people, which is again another area where it is believed INTJs fall short. I tend to disagree because when an INTJ lacks mindfulness or consideration, it's not due to incompetence. It's generally a very conscious decision in which we choose to ignore something because it has no import to us. But when it comes to those closest to us, or anything we care about greatly, we become the most mindful or aware persons in the world. And of course, we like to think we are very mindful of the things that actually matter in life, like why does the universe exist as opposed to who won the Oscars.

Conclusion

In summation, I don't entirely know where this leaves INTJs. This is by no means conclusive proof as to whether or not INTJs are creative. Point of fact, I think some INTJs are creative and some are not, however that's only when you regard creativity in a traditional sense. If you broaden the definition, I think all INTJs may fit it, because after all, in order to ask big questions and think about things in ways people don't usually think requires some level of creativity. Not to mention, you sort of have to be exceedingly creative if you plan on taking over the world someday; that's no mundane task.

***

So then, what will I do for next time? I'm not entirely sure, but those Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughts are awfully popular on Pinterest, so maybe I'll invest some time in those. But we shall see.

Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

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10 Qualities I've Decided to Look for in My Ideal Match Thanks to Having Dinner with an ISFJ

Hey, everyone.

So, I know I was supposed to cover the Gothic qualities of the INTJ this week, but I still need some time with that one. Plus, the inspiration for this post struck like lightning, and since Valentine's Day was yesterday, this post is topical. Anyway...

Last week I had dinner with a friend, and yes, she is definitely just a friend. Seeing as how her hair was up in a ponytail, she was wearing glasses that remind me of a pair my grandmother once had, and that she was wearing a baggy sweater instead of a form-fitting one, this was definitely just "dinner with a friend" for her.

However, it would be totally inaccurate to say I had no interest or curiosity in dating her at all. The purpose of our tryst was for me to pick her brain on ways to build our young adult group at church, but I also used it as a sort of "test date" to see how compatible she and I are. As it turns out, despite the both of us being very Catholic and able to get along swimmingly, I don't think we would make a very good couple.

Now, I knew going into the meeting she was an ISFJ, so I knew to check my INTJ-ness. There was really only one point where it really showed--that is to say, there was only one point where I was little argumentative and maybe a little more aggressive than I should have been since I knew I was right--but the "date" was still very interesting as it gave me some great insight into 10 qualities I would love for my ideal match to have.

Before I begin though, I must preface this post by saying that I understand that not all of these qualities are ISFJ-like. Some are completely dependent on the fact that my friend is an entirely different person from me and has had a unique life. Point of fact, I could have dinner with seven different personalities and likewise pull 10 qualities for an ideal match from the experience. So, I'm not claiming that all ISFJs are like this, and I'm not writing--or at the least, not trying to write--a criticism of my friend, although there will be places where the article tends that way. Now, then...

1. Comfortable with Her Own Thoughts

After we were seated, I adhered to the more basic cordialities by asking my friend how work had been. She works with mentally challenged children, tending to their learning needs in whatever shape that may take, from simple arithmetic to how to use the bathroom. She said that for the most part that work had been fine, but at the end of January, beginning of February, Michigan experienced a "deep freeze", during which time, many schools were shut down. Well, my friend still had to work, but since the child she works with didn't show those days, she said she had a lot of time to herself, which wasn't a good thing for her.

Apparently, my friend doesn't do well under poorly constructed conditions, meaning the only place she can turn to at such a time is within and to her own thoughts. She confessed she wasn't very comfortable with that. I was a little surprised since my friend isn't the stereotypical ISFJ. ISFJs aren't known for pursuing higher education, but my friend is looking to get into graduate school, so I thought she could handle her thoughts, meaning she was in touch with her inferior function (Ne).

This sudden confession from her that she couldn't handle her own thoughts was sort of startling and discomforting to me as I am very comfortable with my thoughts. It was at that time I decided I would like a girl who can handle her own thoughts without being perturbed.

2. Grateful

Now, since most of these qualities are going to sound like criticisms of my friend, I decided to include this one about gratefulness, not just for her sake, but also because I think it's an attractive quality in women.

So, when my friend and I decided to make plans to meet, I immediately decided I would pay for it. Partly because I saw it as a "proto-date" and partly because I had the feeling the situation might've felt a little awkward for her and therefore easier to swallow if it didn't cost her anything. After all, it did sort of come out of nowhere. But I also did it because I am trying to be more traditionally manly, and there's nothing wrong with treating a girl respectfully with whom nothing romantic may develop.

So, indeed, she was grateful that I was willing to cover dinner--and the tip--but she also thanked me for being considerate of the fact she's vegan. Before we ordered, I asked her if it would bother her if I ate meat, to which she said it wouldn't, and then she thanked me for my concern since most people don't bother. Now, usually I wouldn't give a damn about a vegan's feelings because most vegans are self-righteous, holier-than-thou types, but my friend's main concern regarding meat is the consumption of growth hormones, which I think is legitimate. (Although, it's not enough of a concern for me because for all I know the reason why I'm almost six-and-a-half feet tall is due to BGH.)

But the point is, when she thanked me at both intervals, her overall demeanor was very sweet and I felt like I got a glimpse into the true personality of my friend, so gratefulness is an attribute I'll be looking for in my dates from now on.

3. Knows How to Debate

This one is a little weird, because if you've been reading my blog for a while now, you'll know I don't attribute myself to the idea that INTJs love to debate. I mean, I can see why people would think that, but I personally hate doing it because of the possible conflict that may surface as a result. Plus, it's just infuriating when you know you're right, but the other person doesn't seem to be able to appreciate that. Anyway...

When I told my friend that her fears regarding BGH are legitimate, she said there were other reasons too, including that she is lactose intolerant and that veganism is better for the environment. Well, that last point isn't entirely true.

I had heard stories about the claim that veganism is more sustainable for the environment, and curious to see if it was true, I did some investigating and found an article that basically said it wasn't. (I unfortunately don't remember where it came from.) Turns out, out of a list of 11 different diets, veganism fell to number 5, with standard omnivore diets--which is where I fall--was at number 4. The top spot belonged to regular vegetarianism that allowed for the consumption of eggs and dairy products.

Obviously, my friend found this interesting and I explained the two reasons why this is so: 1. A lot of energy goes into the production of food, regardless of it being meat or vegetables, however, meat also has a high output of energy when digested whereas veggies don't, and 2. Land that is used for growing crops is nutrient dense whereas land used to grow grass to feed cows is nutritionally bankrupt. In other words, if we tried growing crops where we pasture cows, we'd get bad crops, and if we grew grass on nutritional ground, it would be a waste.

My friend however still tried to defend her lifestyle by saying that it still requires a lot more energy to produce meat than it does to produce crops. Well, that might be true, especially when you consider the fact that you have to slaughter cows in addition to feeding them, but my first point already covered this part of the argument: indeed, meat is costly in terms of energy input, but its energy output is also significantly higher than the output of vegetables.

Getting back to my friend and the point of this quality, when my friend tried to argue against me, even after I had already "won", it did feel like she was trying to save as much face as possible or that she was trying to defend a sinking ship. So, another quality I would like in a future match is a girl who knows how to debate properly and can accept defeat gracefully.

(Also, my friend's argument that nuts and beans are good sources of protein doesn't hold much water either. Nuts and legumes contain only a fraction of the protein that lean meat does, and at much higher calorie levels and in larger servings. So, lean meat is the decided victor in this fight.)

4. Doesn't Use "Like" So Much

Now, this is one of those qualities that is almost certainly not an ISFJ trait. Anyway, during dinner, I noticed that my friend used "like", like a lot. Like, a lot-lot. Like, a valley-girl a lot. I swear she once used "like" about 20 times in a span of two minutes, and it wasn't when she was stalling for time to put her thoughts together. What really burned me was when I started doing it the longer our conversation went on.

Admittedly, this isn't the worst character trait in the world, and it would certainly not be a deal breaker for me, however it is sort of annoying and it's a trait I could do without.

5. Uses "I feel" When Appropriate

There are plenty of articles out there that discuss at length how INTJs don't use their emotions and typically tend to think their feelings. Now, seeing as how I was dealing with a Feeling type, I really should've expected this sort of communication behavior. I say "communication" because it isn't simply a speaking behavior, but is inherent in how my friend, and probably Feeling types in general, communicate. They feel their thoughts and then express them in sentences that start with "I feel".

Now, to be fair, I did use "I feel" a number of times, too. However, this could have either been because her speech patterns were wearing off on me, or it had to do with the fact that the things that I felt, I legitimately felt, but not in the way you may be thinking.

Whenever I started a phrase with "I feel", I wasn't speaking about an emotion, but rather a feeling I had about some great, somewhat still hidden truth. The best way I can describe it is as a psychic feeling, and in the world of the paranormal, there is a psychic ability where a person knows a fact about something without any rational or logical evidence: claircognizance. However, there is another term for it that my INTJ brethren will immediately recognize--intuition. That's right, intuition is the ability to know something without really knowing it.

Getting back to my point, whenever I used "I feel" at the start of a sentence, this was the sort of feeling I was talking about. Now, it's possible my friend also meant it this way, but I wouldn't feel comfortable gambling on that when it comes to Feeling types. So, for my ideal match, I would like a girl who knows when to use "I feel" and when to use "I think."

6. Timely

When it comes to the time of meetings, I am a stickler. I'm nearly almost early for everything. A part of it is I like being on time, but another part is that it shows the other person that you respect and value their time. By not showing up on time, you're basically saying that your time and yourself are more important than the other person's. Now, my friend wasn't extraordinarily late by any measure, but 6 PM is 6 PM. It is not 6:03. I know my friend is busy and that she had asked if we could push the time back by a half hour, but having honored these allowances, she really should have been there on time, or even five to ten minutes early... like I was. Seriously, I got there at ten to.

Now, I don't wish to make this sound like I'm railing against my friend. After all, three minutes is only three minutes, but timeliness is a quality I look for in all people, and especially those closest to me, and especially-especially those I may end up romantically involved with. Again, being on time or even early shows respect for the other person and their time.

7. Maturity of Thought

So during dinner, I noticed some glaring immaturities in the thought processes of my friend. The biggest example of the night came when she told me that she thinks she could make it as a solo, female traveler but then admitted she's usually far too trusting. Now, for my fellow INTJs I don't need to point out what's wrong with this statement, but for everyone else...

My problem here is that my friend is aware of her habit of trusting too easily, and it must be a problem for her otherwise she wouldn't have mentioned it or mentioned it the way she did, and then to admit that she wishes to embark on an adventure where she may find herself at the mercy of strangers--including strangers who don't speak English and who love naïve, trusting American girls for all the wrong reasons--I sort of wanted to slap her upside the head and shout "THINK!" at her.

If you have a desire to do something, but you know you have a weakness that may endanger yourself in the adventure of that something, then you really shouldn't embark on that adventure until after you have resolved your weakness. To not do so--to just shrug and think "Enh, good enough"--well, that's really immature. Sort of like a person who knows they have to get up early for work the next morning, but instead spends the night drinking.

As a result, I now know definitively that I like a girl who is aware of her weaknesses and isn't willing to take stupid risks with them.

8. A Little Distrusting of the World

Thanks to number 7, I don't need to go into too much detail here, but basically, I appreciate a girl who knows what's going on in the world and takes steps to avoid trouble. When my friend told me she wanted to travel the world alone in van and "couch-surf", something within me became very agitated. I don't know if it's my natural tendency to distrust the world or my natural masculine desire to protect cute, vulnerable girls with more ambition than sense--maybe it's both--but this wouldn't fly with me, especially not within the confines of a romantic relationship. Anywhere my girlfriend/wife goes, I go as her sworn protector, even if that means going to New York, California, or Chicago, three places I have sworn off. And if I can't go with her, then guess who's going in my place? Smith and Wesson.

So, I would like a girl who is sort of wary of the world, and would be willing to allow me to accompany her on her travels.

9. Aware of Herself and Habits

I guess this one is just a reiteration of numbers 7 and 8. Seriously, I can't stress it enough how important is it to me that my ideal match be aware of herself, her habits, her strengths, and her weaknesses. Some people claim INTJs don't know these things about ourselves because our heads are always in the clouds. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but we're very cognizant of our own strengths and weaknesses.

Ergo, it is important to me that my match be as well. Confidence in her abilities as well as confidence in being able to admit where she's weak are very admirable qualities because she knows where she stands and I'll know where she stands.

10. Lack of Food Objections

This one definitely can't be linked to the ISFJ personality, but it does help make an even ten.

Anyway, like I said, I don't usually care for vegans and vegetarians because they're often holier-than-thou types, but I also have a bit of an issue with lactose intolerance as well as peanut allergies. Believe it or not, I love peanut butter and milk. I also love milk chocolate--dark chocolate can burn in Hell--and I love peanut butter and chocolate. And I also really dig meat. True, some meat really doesn't have a flavor unless it's seasoned, but when it is, it is delicious! Burgers, chicken, bacon! Yum!

So, when it comes to the last quality of my ideal match, I really do prefer a girl who can eat anything and is willing to try everything at least once. True, I am a picky eater myself, but I can't imagine living with someone who is pickier than me, and can't or won't eat any of the things that I myself absolutely love. So, to keep things nice and simple, I really do want a girl who has a lack of food objections.

Conclusion:

So, where does this all leave me other than with ten qualities I would like to see in my ideal match? Well, it's a clear indicator that my friend is not the girl for me--at least not at this stage of her life--but that doesn't mean I'm swearing off ISFJs. Personality does not affect maturity.

On the positive side, my chat with her did reinforce other qualities I knew I wanted in a girl: practicing Catholic, polite, easy on the swearing, and easy to get along with. True, I could pick apart my friend further, but I didn't write this to point out the faults in my friend--I wrote this to show which qualities I would like my ideal match to have and why the opposites of those qualities are so unattractive.

***

For my next post, I'm not sure what I'll do. I'm starting to have second thoughts about the Gothicism of INTJs and perhaps that's just a reflection of me, meanwhile I'd love to examine an article I saw on Medium that analyzed the ways in which creative people live differently, and I wanted to apply that theory to INTJs. Well, we'll see what happens. 

Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

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Seven Tips for Dating an INTJ

Hey, everyone.

So, I know I was supposed to cover the Gothic Aesthetic of INTJs this week, but I need a little more time with that one. Plus, with Valentine's Day approaching, this one is topical.

Now, while my usual MO is to take someone else's article on a subject like this and comment on it, I decided I would write an original piece. Part of my inspiration for this one comes from my frustration with dealing with normal/regular people at work, as well as my frustration with the whole-lot-of-nothing I find on dating sites. So in the spirit of my frustrations and Valentine's Day, please allow me to give you seven tips for dating INTJs. Please note: this is not an exhaustive or comprehensive list.

1. For the Love of God--Think!

I know some personality types may struggle with this first one, but just because you're a Feeling type, that doesn't excuse or preclude you from using your brain. I'm not saying you need to be Feeling type but hold the Feeling, but you will have to put your feelings aside sometimes and think. One of the largest annoyances INTJs face living in the world is how thoughtless everyone seems to be. One of the reasons why INTJs are so good at strategy is because we find ourselves thinking about and predicting other people's thoughts--basically, we're thinking for others, and we can get really tired of it. So before you jump to a conclusion or ask what may be a stupid question, give yourself pause and ponder it for a second, especially if it's regarding your INTJ's behavior. There is a method to the madness.

2. A Little Bit of Distance Goes a Long Way

This is another one I'm sure some people will struggle with, and it isn't 100% true for INTJs. Sometimes we can be huge cuddlers--just don't draw attention to it!--but if you find your INTJ leaving the room every time you enter or is turning away from you or seems detached from the conversation you're trying to have, that is a sign your INTJ wants to be left alone. You shouldn't take it personally though as all INTJs require some time alone every day. It's quite relaxing and soothing for us. And if you really need us, we're not inflexible monsters; just explain that you need us to listen and we'll be there for you. But when this isn't the situation, remember the rule that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" because it does.

3. Hey! Listen!

Usually, INTJs are the ones that listen. Part of the reason is that we hate to interrupt, or that we think the solution to your problem is obvious so we have no need to say it, but another part of it is that one of our most important love languages is quality time. As a result, we're fine and dandy just being with you as you talk, but rest assured, you are not talking at us. We are listening, gauging, and learning.

However, whenever we do speak, you should keep your ears open. While I did admit that some of our largest frustrations come from people not thinking, another great frustration to us is how people are the grand architects of their own demise and that if they just listened to reason, they wouldn't be in such dire straits. Not to mention, since we listen so attentively and learn every little thing we can about you, you should really do likewise as it will make us feel appreciated and heard. We're also one of the few types of people who say what we mean, but we sometimes have a bad habit of being vague about it because we think what little we say should be extrapolated into the obvious. By keeping your ears open and your brain ticking, you'll manage to avoid a lot of unnecessary friction with your INTJ.

4. The Dichotomy of Cold Rationale and Raw Passion

Trust me, INTJs hate paradoxes and logical fallacies just as much as anyone, but this is an occupational hazard of being an INTJ. When it comes to everyday life, we try not to let our feelings get involved in a situation. Faced with a particularly challenging conundrum, we'll consider everything from the smart perspective and sometimes from the safe perspective, which in our minds is the right and truthful perspective(s). Ergo, there's no need to involve feelings.

However, the flip side to that is our passion. Sure, we can do a job exactly as it is outlined, but chances are we won't continue to do said job if it's boring or meaningless from the eternal perspective. Sure, we do a lot of things "by the book," but that's because we feel that is the best course of action. And when it comes to things we don't understand, such as the poor choices made by people, we can get quite hopping mad. In our lives, factual truth and absolute correctness are everything because when you act from such a position, you're never wrong or have to worry about pain or misfortune... and this is a perspective that we'll fight for tooth and nail!

5. Why Change a Good Thing?

Predictability and surety are beautiful things. With them, you always know where you stand and what to expect. Not to mention, it's just the most efficient way of going about things. Changes often bring challenges, uncertainties, and upset the order of things. As a result, you should expect your INTJ to like to keep things a certain way all the time. This usually extends itself to the times your INTJ eats meals at, what he likes to eat, and where he likes to keep his personal effects. Some things, especially the small, mundane things, just don't need to be messed with as there's nothing to be gained in doing so.

6. Evolve, Ascend, Transcend

Oh! Psych!

Turns out, not everything in an INTJ's life is stagnant. It's absolutely true that we like to keep our spoons in one specific drawer and fold our socks a certain way, but when it comes to big things, like traditions, we have a tendency to challenge them.

Now, don't think ill of us--we don't challenge traditional beliefs to be upstarts, we usually do it because we don't understand the reason behind it. When I was younger, I would often wear my hat indoors, partly because it was an awesome hat so why would I, but also because the belief that by doing so, it implied I was in a rush to leave didn't really cut the mustard with me. If a hat or jacket is a part of my look, why can't I keep them on regardless of where I go?

But on a different level, INTJs do believe in constantly improving themselves, whether that be by gaining knowledge, expanding horizons, sharpening our brains, or even working out and strengthening our bodies. This mostly has to do with the feeling that being "ordinary" is absolutely abhorrent to us, and we want to do as much as we can to not be like everyone else. Additionally, we're obsessed with perfection and we can constantly see areas in our life that need improvement. We're not the sort of person to say come cliché bull like, "I'm perfectly imperfect"; no, we're much more likely to say "'Nobody's perfect' is just an excuse for laziness". I mean, look at it like this, even if you aim for the moon and miss, you'll still land among the stars.

7. Show Us We're Wanted and Needed

Lastly, when you're dating an INTJ, you'll have be conscious of our Outsider Complex. Truth be told, due to our conflicting thought processes and our exceptionally high standards for everything, it's very easy for us to feel out of place everywhere and as if we don't belong anywhere. Most people can't understand us or are not interested in doing so, and since we don't exactly stick out socially, we often get the feeling that a social gathering would be exactly the same way without us, so why did we bother showing up if no one cares?

This is where Feeling types can shine, especially those who have Fe as their dominant or auxiliary function. INTJs have no difficulty knowing that they're important to the world, that what they can and will do will have an impact, but we also need to know that we have an impact in the personal lives of those closest to us. In order for us to form the strongest bonds with a person, we need to feel needed, wanted, and appreciated. And not just for our mental capabilities, but for everything we bring to a relationship, even the emotional support.

Conclusion

Like I said above, this is by no means an exhaustive or comprehensive list, and in fact, not all INTJs will agree with everything said here. Some INTJs will never understand feelings and some understand them better than most Fe's. That's the most important thing to remember here: MBTI isn't an all-encompassing, cheat code that instantly unlocks the secrets to every person on the planet. However, this should give you a few helpful tips in navigating a relationship with an INTJ.

***

For my next post, I hope to finally have the Gothic Aesthetic of INTJs up. If I don't, then I'll try to get out more Quick and Dirty INTJ Thoughts as I am sitting on a mountain of those. 

Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

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Six Lessons INTJs Can Learn from Ebenezer Scrooge

Hey, everyone.

So, I know it's been a while. A long while. I actually enjoyed not keeping the blog because it meant I got to do other things. I mean, I'll have to give it up one day, but who knows when that will be. Anyway, the Christmas season is over, but I must admit, it is my favorite time of the year. I love the festivity, the presents, the food which expands my waistline and gives me bowel cramp for five days in a row. But that's not really the point of Christmas. It is a time for renewal in Christian values, which we may have lost during the pagan days of summer. It's also a time to remind us of what and who is truly important in our lives and not to lose sight of that/them.

My favorite Christmas story has always been Charles Dickens' A Christmas Carol, and the older I get, the more I truly appreciate the lessons and wisdom this timeless classic imparts to us. Because of that, I've decided to write about six lessons INTJs can learn from Ebenezer Scrooge. After all, it isn't all that difficult to imagine that some INTJs can very easily become the lonely, old miser.

Lesson 1: Pursue the People You Truly Care For

One of Scrooge's deepest regrets is that he let the only woman he ever loved walk out of his life without a fight. Sure, he had his shillings, his guineas, and his sovereigns, but money can't love you back. Not that I'm saying money isn't important--after all, Scrooge never could've given Tiny Tim the care he needed if he hadn't scrounged for decades--but there are some things in this world that are more important than money. Most times those "things" are actually the connections and relationships we have with people. It's important to maintain these relationships so that we don't one day look at the ghost of our former lives and regret our decision to not take the simple step to keep in touch.

Lesson 2: Don't Neglect Your Feelings

At the beginning of A Christmas Carol, Scrooge is described as "unfeeling." He has no pity for those who can't pay their loans and instead values everything by monetary gain. This one goes hand-in-hand with the first one as in order for us to maintain our feelings, we must maintain our relationships, and by keeping our relationships, our feelings will also be kept.

It's all too easy for INTJs to look at everything objectively--positive or negative, loss or gain, good or bad--and as a result, we restrict ourselves to a rational or logical way of looking at everything. It's all thought; no feeling. But truth be told, there are plenty of feelings that can be positive. Why, even regret when lassoed properly can be a positive as memory of it keeps us from falling back into old habits. There is gain in the feeling of happiness. True, it's transitory, but so is money.

Lesson 3: Be More than Cordial to Those You Depend On

One of the most sympathetic characters in the book is Scrooge's clerk Bob Cratchit. While I'm not sure what Cratchit actually does as his clerk, we can assume that he assists Scrooge in his book-keeping. With as successful a firm as Scrooge's has become, Cratchit's job is likely an important one, one that takes education and no small amount of brains. Therefore, you'd think Scrooge would want to pay his clerk a fitting wage so he doesn't look for work elsewhere. True, Cratchit probably doesn't get much of a chance to look for work elsewhere, but Scrooge's business is well-known and the fact that Cratchit has been able to keep his books--and his company--there are likely to be several other firms more than willing to employ Cratchit and even give him a sympathy bonus for his five(+) children with one who is very ill.

My point is that INTJs can be hard on people, including those closest to us or even those we depend on. Again, our practiced objectivity as well as our fear of change can work against us, especially when it comes to getting along with others. Not everyone is as lock-headed as we are. They can't subsist on ideals like perfection, a desire to always be right, and the true(st) sense of all things. They're also not nearly as stubborn as we are. As a result, it's easy for INTJs to think of people as less than people and more like minor characters in our story. Doing so can drive them away from us, or at the very least, cause them to loathe us.

Lesson 4: Don't Allow Time to Pass You By

One of the interesting things about A Christmas Carol is that we're never given an age for Scrooge. Depending on the version of the movie we watch, some of us might assume he's sixty or even older. We don't know as it seems like most of what happens to him is in the Past. From the time Belle breaks off their engagement to the time Marley comes to see Scrooge is the length of time that he became who we see at the start of the book/movie. That space of time could be forty years or more. Even if it was only thirty, that's still plenty of time to let pass without having done anything more than just working.

Time is precious--we know it is because no one has an infinite supply. Some people have much, much less than others, and it isn't usually surprising to find out how lively those people were; the sort of people that lived life to the fullest and enjoyed every moment of it. For us INTJs, this is something we should keep in mind. It's easy for us to get lost in our work and concentrate so much on our goals that we forget there's a point to living, and it's not entirely found in our checking accounts. Going back to the above points, a good deal of our lives' meanings can be found in our relationships with others as well as our relationship with the world, for after all, why would anyone else exist if there wasn't some point in their existence? Ditto that for life experiences.

Lesson 5: It's Never Too Late to Repent

By dint of our Judging trait, INTJs are creatures of habit--we don't like change. Why should we? Once something is proven to work, why change it (unless the new method is vastly more efficient)? Course though, habit can be an issue. While we don't realize it, the way we think about some things can affect the way we think about and handle other things. We get used to a habit, we might apply that same attitude to other aspects of our lives, and this may lead us to the problem of becoming "set in our ways."

I'm sure some of you are familiar with the saying, "I'm too old to change," but that really is bull. Why should our age be a factor in whether or not we can change? We're INTJs--we can do anything!--even change at a ripe old age. The real problem is being set in our ways. True, we strive for perfection, and when we've found--or think we've found it--we're likely to rest on our laurels because we've achieved it. But I don't think being set in our ways is achieving perfection, after all, the perfect organism should be able to adapt to its environment. That's what we call evolution.

Therefore, we should always keep it keenly fixed within our minds that so long as we're alive, we still have time to go back and repent for some wrongdoing we've committed, or even change a habit that has had less than a stellar impact on our lives. Scrooge was an old man when he changed his ways. True, he had the benefit of ghosts and visions to help him see what he was, what he was missing, and what his bad habits could eventually lead to, but if INTJs endeavored to act in a charitable manner, then what doubt should we harbor we have acted wrongly?

Lesson 6: Don't Burn Bridges (Especially Not Before They're Built)

One of our most amazing abilities is that we can cut people out of our lives without them ever realizing what happened, but is that necessarily a good thing? True, some people are toxic and will weigh us down, but some people we cut out because they no longer meet our standards of respect, and some people we're not even willing to give a chance. I don't mean for us to look at every person as a possible tool as if you never know where you're going to need it, but we should be more open-minded about the possibilities.

Within my own life, I have unfriended a lot of people on Facebook for a variety reasons. Sometimes for nothing more than a brief argument. Is my life poorer or richer because of this? I can't say, but there is a possibility that it's poorer for it, especially given my choice of career--writers need all the friends they can get!

I know we're not good at networking and that we don't care for masses of people, but I'm not saying we should be friends with everyone. No, keep your inner circle of five or less, but also remain open-minded to everyone else. You never know what sort of goodness can come into your life from a genuinely warm companion, not to mention the business opportunities. Even if someone can't do something for you, they may be able to do something for another friend, and there could be rewards to be reaped from that exchange, both material and spiritual.

Conclusion:

I'll be honest about something: I'm sort of frustrated with this post because all these lessons aren't really individual lessons. They're all very much related and they all come down to a single lesson: be excellent to each other. Although The Christmas Carol has an agenda not so different from today's expression of "Keep Christ in Christmas," I'd say they both exist for the same reason. The reason being that we should remember others always and care for them as we would ourselves, for whom knows how we may be blessed in doing so. As the herald angels said at the birth of Christ, "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace among men with whom he is pleased" (Luke 2:14). In earning God's pleasure, we shall be at peace, and in being excellent to each other, we can be. So, as Tiny Tim observed, "God bless us, everyone."

***

Well, that post was all right. It took me a while to get through it. That's what happens when you're trying to play two video games at once. But I think it turned out all right, despite all the problems. Now, here is where I would usually put in a plug for my mailing list or Patreon, but I'm not going to. I think I'll take a break from that, as well as lay some bad news on your guys. I'm not giving up the blog, but I think I'm going to cut back to updating it once every two weeks. I've got other projects, and some of the time I spend on this blog can be spent on those and they're sort of more important right now. Not to mention, I think I'm getting close to writing my INTJ Mystique book and I think I have enough raw material in this blog from which to help me craft it, so that's another thing that's going on.

For next time though, I'm going to cover the Gothic Aesthetic of INTJs. Until then...

Keep writing, my friends.

More About Bryan C. Laesch:

Amazon: My Author Page
Facebook: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar
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Twitter: BryanofallTrade
Youtube: Bryan C. Laesch, Bawdy Scholar